shmirashachaim wrote on 19 Apr 2016 15:44:

Hope he didn't forget a digit as well.

shmirashachaim wrote on 19 Apr 2016 13:55:

HI CHAIM, 
FIRST TELL YOUR WIFE THE CURRENT PW.
AND ASK HER TO CHANGE IT AND MEMORIZE.
DON'T HAVE HER WRITE IT DOWN AT ALL!!!

HATZLACHA...SHMULY

Got my phone blocked up. Things winded down a bit B'H. Ready to continue on my journey 

And sorry about that Cordnoy 

shmulyz19 wrote:

I think she is too close for comfort.. Too easy to ask her for password whenever. Thanks!

shmirashachaim wrote:

BH!!!!

- -
>
\_/

FSKOMT

shmirashachaim wrote on 19 Apr 2016 22:30:

Sorry about what?
Our deal?

Spelled your name wrong. 

Shmira - 

Wasnt around all day. Just reading now the harrowing journey of the day. The pain. The tears. I have been there. Many more times than I would want to remember [except that i [b]have to [/b]remember]. You are such an amazing fighter! You pushed hard and long. I am sharing your journey with you. May Hashem be with you. 

Thanks RS... thanks for being there for me every step of the way. Yes, I felt a lot of pain and shed a lot of tears today. Hopefully I will use that pain and those tears to get me to a place that i want to be. A place where i can look back, and remember that pain and those tears as part of a journey that got me there. You might be winning me by 72  days now:wink:... but i don't see it that i'm starting again.. i'm still on the same journey i was yesterday! I learnt so much and taking in what happened today to help me for the future. keep up the good work and with Hashem's help you should make it to 90.

shmirashachaim wrote on 20 Apr 2016 00:58:

No problem.
As long as we got the phone number right.

Shmiras, how are you doing today?

shmirashachaim wrote on 20 Apr 2016 03:49:

Hey I am not winning anything. We are both learning and growing and sometimes taking a beating in the process. As many here have written, counting etc. is a tool. Sobriety is about now. And now - at this present moment - we are both grasping onto Hashem and begging Him not to let go. Hatzlacha brother!

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:

I guess I am struggling with if I should feel fine since I did act out. I did a disgusting thing and the scenes are still swarming in my head from yesterday. How can I be fine? I'm acting all normal today.. Apologized to my chavrusah for missing yesterday, all normal around my wife. How can I act normal around her when I'm not normal? When I can't stop thinking that I betrayed her?  I'm going with the mindset that it won't help to get in a rut. I need to learn that getting down will only make things worse. Yes. What I did was terrible. But it will be more terrible to not be functional and I would be better off focusing on what I learnt from yesterday and what I'm going to be doing in the future to get better. So in short, to answer your question Gevurah- I'm doing fine. 
Thanks so much. 

If I may get "religious" with you, I'd like to share some Pesach thoughts. It's 3 days to Pesach, when we can tap into the spiritual redemption that is the mehus of this Yomtov. But maybe you feel like you're too close to acting out to be a part of it.

Four fifths of the Jews died right before the redemption, so you'd think it was all the tzadikim who were left, but we know that even after the redemption, there was still a kitrug against them that הללו עובדי ע''ז והללו עובדי ע''ז. So how were the surviving fifth different and deserving of the redemption? Rashi tells us the difference is the ones who died didn't want to leave. (as heard from R' Avrohom Schorr).
As long as we keep our sights on recovery, and are actively working on it, we can be zoche to a miraculous redemption.

Some won't like this post, but hopefully someone will find it inspiring, particularly shmirashachaim who this is primarily intended for.