HI

Dear fellow Jews,

i recently swore that if i were to watch porn again i will donate $350 to tsedaka 

do i need to to give the money based that kol nidrei undo's anything i  swore ?

if that didnt helped me what will ?  if i can fail after swearing in g-d name ??????????

any advice would be appreciated 

You sound so frustrated. I am not a halchic authority so I wont say anything about that. But I dont think that swearing is the way to go. If there is something going on beyond your control, it will break anything. Trust me I have been there. Swearing only works [if it does ... still not sure about that] if there is some control. When there isn't then the avodah is working with the tayva/addiction [whatever your situation is] in a healthy realistic way. There are guys on this site with tons of experience finding that path. Please reach out!

thanks for your reply 

it did helped me i used to watch porn every week and now its down to once a month as i make a shvia every rosh chodesh that i wont watch porn and if i do i will give 350$ but tonight its the first time i broke it and i feel pretty bad ,that i shouldn't od swore at all 

I'm a little confused. How do you watch porn once a month? You make a Shvua excluding the last day of the month?

for example i say i wont watch until 23rd and i watch a day later and make a new shvia day afterwords . 

A rabbi can tell you if you owe 350. If he says you were under the influence and are absolved, what are you planning after that?

Youre gonna leave us????

i dont think i will ask that q for a rabbi as im to a  shammed of but the problem is still here,
i act out every few weeks i cant stop completely i get the vibe that i need to act out and.............. 

So mabey you married the wrong vibe


Regarding the oath, if you aren't ready to call your LOR, ask the admin if they've had such a question before and what the rabbi said eyes.guard@gmail.com

ha ha ?

then help me divorce my vibe!

off topic my wife dosnt satisfy me enough so that adds it up and make things harder 

My wife didn't satisfy me either.....until I got rid of my thoughts that is.

Bokertov wrote on 20 Mar 2016 02:08:

When I say it wont help I dont mean that it wont help at all, I mean that it wont help for long. A few weeks a few months maybe. In the end we need something from within. We have to learn how to look at life differently.

Reb Boker,
I see that you are being tormented by this horrible disease. There is a way that you can break free and be calm and peaceful. It is working for me and I feel so much better now. You just have to want and be willing to reach out to people who can and will help you.
May the RBS"O grant you the motivation to take the necessary steps to be freed of these chains before you hit rock bottom.

The point of the shvua is to keep it at bay till u can get a handle on things not to take away the taiva!
dont be upset that u still mess up, you didn't do anything to change ur thinking, all u did was put a fence there so that you can now begin to work on your thinkin pattern without poem being on ur mind. Of course ur still gonna mess up, that's why there's a knas. But take the opportunity of the extra 3 weeks of cleanness u have now and make a plan!
as for the money, ask a rabbi, but I don't see why not... U didn't do kol nidre this past month did u?

I cant really add too much to what was said, but i can tell you that the shvua didn't help me because I just am not in control of myself (i.e. "powerless"), until now when im working on the root problem, now i find that the shvua for me is an extra fence & helps.
Hatzlacha

Bokertov wrote on 20 Mar 2016 01:47:

Hi bokertov,
First welcome, you have came to the right place. Stick around and learn from the chevra how to handle this struggle.
Start with reading the Handbook. guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program
You should be happy that you only fall once a month, but once a month is still not good for us.
We increase or decrease our addiction, so once a month will eventually become less or more.

Now to your question,
I personally am against swearing and promising big amounts of money.

But what is the whole purpose of making a Shvua if you dont keep to your word???  

I would say for this time pay your knas, and next rosh chodesh take upon yourself a smaller amount.
You dont have to pay the whole amount today, you can split it up for $1 a day.
If we pay, the shvua can have an effect.

Look how the taphsik method works guardyoureyes.com/tools/taphsic-method
It's a better way to make a shvua.

Keep us updated.
Thanks