I learnt in a chasidisher yeshiva, been around chasidisher people all my life and I am a full fledged chasidisher.

I have never anyone speak about this subject.

Mesayin wrote on 03 Mar 2016 20:53:

Do you feel it would have made a difference if someone would have spoken about it with you?

goodchange613 wrote on 03 Mar 2016 22:26:

It would absolutely helped.

And do you speak to anyone now?

I was under the impression that since chassidim go to the mikvah and are makpid on seperation between genders it is spoken about more.

 

cordnoy wrote on 04 Mar 2016 00:17:

Would I have been able to be stay clean if not?

The following is an excerpt from the booklet "Dear Bacher" that can be downloaded here on GYE for audio and a PDF:

We have no choice but to speak openly

Traditionally, the subject of arayos was almost never discussed even

privately, let alone publicly. Reb Aryeh Leib z”tl, the Chofetz Chayim’s son, relates

how his father approached him when he turned sixteen years of age. “I want to

forewarn you about hirhurim (evil thoughts), but even discussing this can be

harmful. Therefore, I suggest that you immerse yourself in the study of Torah, and

that will protect you from harmful thoughts”. The Chofetz Chaim didn’t want to

discuss the matter even with his own son. Undoubtedly, it would be ideal if we

could conduct ourselves in the same manner. However, you have to know that in

all of Radin, there wasn’t one indecent billboard. There were no magazine racks

in the stores, and people didn’t walk in the street indecently dressed. There was no

TV, nor were they exposed to internet. Since they didn’t have our nisyonos, wecan’t compare what we have to do today (to address our current situation) to what

they did then in their situation. What sufficed for them may very well not suffice

for us. Indeed, Reb Elya Lopian used to devote an entire Shabbos once a year to

discussing these matters. He said explicitly that what was proper procedure decades

ago will not suffice for us.

Not long ago, as I was working on preparing some talks for a lecture tour in

Baltimore, my old computer died right in the middle of my preparations. Since I

use an Apple computer, I had no choice but to go to the Apple store located in a

certain very large mall that I usually try to avoid. This was in the middle of August,

and the indecency of dress seemed to have reached new levels of decadence. The

advertising in the mall was much too unusually improper for me to describe here.

The following thought went through my mind. “I am already a zeide, and have been

married b’li ayin hora for over four decades. I have the sensitivity not to come here

unless I absolutely have no choice. Nevertheless, going through such a place is

disturbing even to me. For the most part, the younger generation does not have that

sensitivity. This is one of the largest and most popular malls in all of Toronto. So

they come here out of innocence to make their purchases. How does a normal,

healthy teenager deal with the experience of passing through a place such as this?

How does he process the temptation? If he is a bachur with a conscience, how does

he deal with the feelings of guilt after having had his mind polluted? Who can he

discuss his feelings with? Since this subject is generally viewed as somewhat of a

taboo, he probably won’t be comfortable to bare his soul to his mechanchim. Any

yeshiva bachur knows that his parents and his rebeyim frown on any interaction

between boys and girls. He knows he is expected to turn his head the other way and

not look at the indecent billboards and signs. Does he know, however, that besides

the disapproval of his elders he is actually committing a serious issur? Does he

have any idea to what extent he is defiling his precious neshoma? How could he, if

no one ever taught it to him? From where will he derive the encouragement he

needs to rise above this nisayon, avoid it wherever possible, and take it in stride

whenever he can’t avoid it?” These were my thoughts on that August day in

Yorkdale mall. Hence this pamphlet which you now hold in your hands.


I Have also heard from Rabbi Jonathan Rietti in a shiur, that today there is a big chance that our children will find out about this issue anyway so we should explain it to them before the shmutz gets to them so that they get the right perspective about it.

He said there was a father that wanted to talk about these issues to his 9 year old son, so he sat him down but couldn't get the words out, finally after 15 minutes he said to his son:

"Moishele I want to speak to you about the fact of life"

The son replied:

"Sure Dad, what would you like to know?"