Relapse after 7 month clean streak-I need some guidance

I'm dealing with a challenging situation and I could really gain from hearing any guidance any of you can offer. I'm in my late 20s and I've been clean since early July, when I first set up a profile on this website and did the 90 day challenge. Thank God, I've been blessed with great strength these past seven months and I've avoided inappropriate pictures and I haven't put my hand where I shouldn't pu it.

For the last month, I've been dating a very special girl; she is fun, easy going, frum, spiritual, understanding and wonderful middos. It's honestly hard for me to imagine someone who is greater fit for me. Things have gotten quite serious between us. I think she is my bashert and I believe she thinks so too.

I also happen to be highly attracted to her physically and I've been careful not to allow this physical attraction to stop me from thinking objectively about whether she is a good fit. Despite my clean streak, whenever we go out, I tend to get an erection and even wet my pants at times involuntarily. Worse, even during phone calls, I will generally wet my pants without touching that area of body. Even When I'm not on the phone with her and I think about her, I notice I'm sometimes getting an erection, even when I think about her in a non-sexual way. I'm frankly not sure if this phenomenon of wetting my pants so frequently without touching that area of my body is normal physiologically. Anyway, I wish this could all stop.

Last night, she said something to me that aroused me sexually and not long after we got off the phone, when I was half-asleep, I blew my clean streak while thinking about what she said.

I always hoped that whenever I'd meet my bashert and fall in love, that my perception of her would be very pure, full of love, amazement and empathy and free of lust and simple physical desire. While I feel like love is emerging, there is a lust that impacts the way I look at her. I've tried adopting certain practices that I hoped will put an end to the the frequent erection, pants-wetting and even masturbation. For example, I tried imagining the letters of her Hebrew name when I speak with her over the phone. But the erections are persistent.

I have learned that the Yetzer Hara is very strong and shouldn't be underestimated. I know that to overcome this, I must put my faith in Hashem. I must try to form a deeper awareness of Him and develop a richer relationship with Him. Perhaps if my mind and heart focus more on spirituality and God-consciousness, whatever is causing these erections won't be sparked.

I WOULD BE EAGER TO HEAR ANY RECOMMENDATIONS YOU ALL HAVE ON HOW I SHOULD COPE WITH THIS SITUATION. Are there thought patterns I can enter or exercises I can do that will prevent my body from having this unrefined reaction almost every time I see her, speak with her or even think about her?

Also, any advice on how I ultimately communicate this to her? How early on should I try explaining this to her? For you married guys who've had similar issues, any advice on how to communicate all this to a wife or in my case someone who will likely be my wife one day?

Welcome back

YOURE DOING AMAZING!!

something tells me you should NOT drop the Success of your streak

The issue of your pending
MAZEL TOV
is a good question which I hope someone can answer for us

KEEP on TRUCKING

Welcome! Man, that's an honest story if I ever read one. The fact that you were able to express your issue so openly is fantastic and shows you're very serious about tackling this. 

I'm not sure what to tell you in terms of how to not lust for this girl. But even if you decide at some point to be open with her regarding your struggles in general, I wouldn't tell her your struggle is because of her. 

Don't beat yourself up too much as long as generally speaking you're still clean, from porn and masturbation which are avoidable. What you're going through in this relationship obviously needs to be addressed, but to some degree even if you end up masturbating I wouldn't say it's completely your fault so it belongs in a different category. 

Hatzlacha, and may you be zocheh to build a Bayis Neeman Bi'Yisroel! 

Hi mh86
I feel your pain, remembering my own struggles in that kind of situations. Regarding thoughts, it's really hard to control, especially in the matzev you're currently in. Others would say what you experience is just normal. But you're setting higher standards for yourself, and you're right.
Sometimes the fact of recognizing helplessness is helpful. Awrohom Ovinu only got full control on 5 eyvorim in the age of 99 after Hashem made the bris with him, that's why the "hay" was added to his name. For sure you daven for help in your decisions, maybe add a tefillah for this issue to the only one who can help.
And concentrate your work on the actions. There was certainly a bechina of "oiness" in the incident last night! Keep strong and strike the many clean days to come to your 7 months, not considering the break.
I will include mh86 in my tefilah...
Hoping for your best, Hatzlacha,
Balabos
 

Hey, MH86,

First of all --- you are amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. Dont let one down knock you down!!!

Second: Just a thought. You might want to check with someone who knows what they are talking about, but i think that you need to realize that having an erection or feeling wet does have to mean that you are lusting in a negative way! Sometimes when a person finds themselves developing an emotional closeness, they can start feeling an erection. sometimes the signals get crossed. the problem is that we are so sick that we assume that anything like that must be purely sexual arousal and that makes us aroused!! In my - really really humble - opinion, it would be a good idea to just ignore whatever happens down there while you talk to her (just no touching ) and tell yourself "thats not me, its just my brain reacting to the closeness that i am feeling. i can choose to ignore this." i bet, if you stop stressing about it and you stop worrying about it and thinking that you are thinking about her sexually, it will go away. 

I dont know anything...but this is what came into my head when i read your post. That, and that you are amazing KOT! 

I can relate to the horrible feeling of relapsing after 7 months, I've been there. Nothing you can do except pick yourself up and do your best every day. You have not lost those 7 months.

In terms of being aroused by a girl you're dating, I think that's normal and healthy, not something to worry about. Keep close to da'as torah and let your Rav / mashgiach guide you.

You asked how to communicate this to the girl. Simple answer (but just my opinion) - don't.

Stay close to da'as torah and KOT.