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I am a addict, please help me.
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: I am a addict, please help me. 1243 Views

I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 03:02 #275905

  • shmulyz19
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Hello all, you have probably all seen my my profile by now. I hurt a guy on here ,but I want to change. The person who I hurt may or not see this,but I am sorry. I tend to do inappropriate and bad things without thinking about it. I admit that besides P&M, I talk dirty, which is a problem.

Does anyone know how fix my dirty talk problem? Or at least, how to try and talk about something else.
I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. 

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly
Last Edit: 29 Jan 2016 03:04 by shmulyz19. Reason: wrong word

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 04:29 #275912

  • Workingguy
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Welcome. Do you know who you hurt? I was going to suggest that you reach out to him but then I realized that maybe extremely uncomfortable for him.

Well, I was learning tonight that the way to fix something is to go to the other extreme. Now, I don't know if talking dirty is part of your addiction (I have no basis for saying this but I have to imagine it's a bad habit) but one way to go is to work on being extremely careful in how you talk about other things. If you work on it in other areas,
Maybe it will feel incongruous when it comes to taking dirty. Or maybe not, because feeling incongruous doesn't seem to stop us.

What are you doing to work on your p and m issues?

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 07:56 #275918

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I don't know what you did but I would suggest apologising to the guy directly.

In recovery I have discovered that I'm just as powerless over my character defects as I am over lust. And for the same reason. G-d gave them to me.

The solution to them both are the same too. Surrender.

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 08:59 #275923

  • Watson
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In SA we share completely explicitly with one another. I need to bring things into the light or it just gets worse and worse and the obsession grows. However, we always give warn the other that we are about to speak explicitly so the listener can pray or move the phone away from his ear if he has to. But I have found that speaking out my lust explicitly in an attitude of surrender breaks the power it has over me. It's one of the most powerful tools.

I don't do it on GYE though, only with other SA members.

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 13:45 #275941

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Just to put things in context, and I'm not sure if this is what happened, someone recently posted about having an interaction with another GYEr that actually turned negative in a way that was a threat to their sobriety. The person was very shaken up and very triggered by it.

I am not, G-d forbid, trying to stop anyone from obtaining forgiveness but it's worth keeping in mind before we encourage him to reach out to the person that this may be what he's talking about.

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 15:08 #275956

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9494 wrote on 29 Jan 2016 14:40:

Watson to quote from the whitebook:

" We avoid politics, religious dogma, and other di­
visive issues. We also avoid explicit sexual
descriptions and sexually abusive language."


That's is in the meeting guidelines, I'm talking about conversations between members.



From the White Book:

"Whenever I felt some experience, image, memory, or thought was controlling me, as was often the case, I would bring it to the light, talking it out with another program person. Get the air and sunlight on it. Lust hates the light and flees from it; it loves the dark secret recesses of my being. And once I let it lodge there, it's like a fungus and starts flourishing - the athlete's foot of the soul. But as soon as I bring it to the light, exposing it to another recovering sexaholic, the power it has over me is broken. Light kills lust. I did this with specific experiences, not in generalities. Sometimes it meant imposing on a person's time, but it cleaned me out and kept me sober. Every time I talked it out in surrender, the power of that memory or experience was broken. Another new and powerful breakthrough."
Last Edit: 29 Jan 2016 15:12 by Watson.

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 16:11 #275964

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9494 wrote on 29 Jan 2016 15:54:
OK, that would make sense then. Thanks for the clarification!

Just to add my 2 cents. I have found through my personal experience that it is not always just enough to "share" the lust I am experiencing with another on GYE. Sharing does not NECESSARILY equal surrender. Sharing has to stem from a desire to be free of the lust and bring it to the light. Often "sharing" can be serving another purpose altogether and can actually be harmful and destructive.

Am I whining about the trigger or do I genuinely want to be free of it?

Am I just complaining?

Am I trying to get some self pity?

Am I trying to justify why I might act out?

Am I justifying why I feel lustful at the moment?

Am I doing it to dump my guilt?

Am I doing it so that I get a pat on the back and a "keep on trucking"?

Am I doing it for sexual gratification?

I know for myself that often in the past (and even now still occasionally) my sharing on the GYE chat, whatsapp and hangout was for the purpose of whining, justifying and to receive self pity. Others who know me a bit better can testify to this - especially Cordnoy, who has helped me realise this.

However, I have found that when I share over the phone it is more likely to be genuine. It is me taking responsibility. If I am willing to go through the seemingly awkward and difficult motion of picking up the phone and sharing with a live person then I genuinely want to be set free of it and have G-d remove it.


Great stuff.
Good thinkin'.
And strangely enough, I actually remember tellin' you that.

Continued hatzlachah

Toto
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Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 17:45 #275971

  • shlomo24
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9494 wrote on 29 Jan 2016 15:54:
OK, that would make sense then. Thanks for the clarification!

Just to add my 2 cents. I have found through my personal experience that it is not always just enough to "share" the lust I am experiencing with another on GYE. Sharing does not NECESSARILY equal surrender. Sharing has to stem from a desire to be free of the lust and bring it to the light. Often "sharing" can be serving another purpose altogether and can actually be harmful and destructive.

Am I whining about the trigger or do I genuinely want to be free of it?

Am I just complaining?

Am I trying to get some self pity?

Am I trying to justify why I might act out?

Am I justifying why I feel lustful at the moment?

Am I doing it to dump my guilt?

Am I doing it so that I get a pat on the back and a "keep on trucking"?

Am I doing it for sexual gratification?

I know for myself that often in the past (and even now still occasionally) my sharing on the GYE chat, whatsapp and hangout was for the purpose of whining, justifying and to receive self pity. Others who know me a bit better can testify to this - especially Cordnoy, who has helped me realise this.

However, I have found that when I share over the phone it is more likely to be genuine. It is me taking responsibility. If I am willing to go through the seemingly awkward and difficult motion of picking up the phone and sharing with a live person then I genuinely want to be set free of it and have G-d remove it.

I am so maskim, I deal with this almost daily. Sometimes I make a resentment much bigger then it really is by calling a bunch of people about it. I obsess over the stupidest things.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 18:06 #275974

  • shmulyz19
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Workingguy wrote on 29 Jan 2016 04:29:


What are you doing to work on your p and m issues?


I do have a filter, so I can't look at P or M****.
I am the 90 day chart.
the family one is not filtered, and it is a struggle at times, but I am still working on being clean.
I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. 

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: I am a addict, please help me. 29 Jan 2016 18:09 #275975

  • shmulyz19
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working
that is similar. I sent a bad picture, because I bored and I got banned, but I'm back on now.
I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. 

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly
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