Hi everyone. For the past two years I've attempted to stay clean and rid myself of this awful yetzer hara only to be unsuccessful. For the most part, I was fighting alone. Only a choice few knew of my addiction. I saw a psychologist who gave me weekly encouragement and helped me see my problem from different perspectives, but weekly meeting weren't enough. While I did make some progress, I eventually hit a brick wall, and I felt that he wasn't so invested in me. One of my closest friends found out in an unfortunate way. I immediately thought this was a gift, being that he would be the one who would provide me with daily encouragement and together we would beat it. Instead he, reacted negatively, and we pretend like my issue doesn't exist. If there's anyone, ANYONE, out there that thinks they could be my sponsor, someone who is willing to keep in contact with me multiple times a day, providing chizuk and mussar when needed. I know it's a big avodah but I'm practically on my knees and begging. I need help, serious help. I've applied for a sponsor and I've even tried to contact a couple members, but nothing has ever come out of it. I've tried almost everything by myself and I feel like I'm running out of options and hope. Again, if anyone sees this that is willing to help me, or knows anyone that's willing to, please let me know. I don't know if I can go on alone much longer.

Someone PMd me that they PMd you to be your sponsor, after I posted such a request

LevT, do you mind if I ask a slightly personal question?

I find - for myself, that when I'm not busy, I have plenty of time to kill...
What's your regular day like? Busy busy, or...

Someone did PM me but it didn't wind up working out.

My day is normally very busy. I'm in one of those dual yeshiva/college programs so I'm usually very preoccupied with studying/classes/learning. It's normally the times when I'm not busy that present problems (Fridays, Sundays).

Sounds to me like you have good things lined up - a good schedule..,

If I was in your shoes id read the GPS Solutions in my signature

Also - you can keep posting on your thread whenever you need chizuk etc, and there's lots of great guys here that will reply and will be here for you - myself included

All the best

Hi LT,

You sound genuinely desperate to recover and willing to go to extreme lengths for it. But are you willing to go to ALL lengths to recover? How do you feel about doing the unthinkable...

Watson wrote:
And now for the good news

Welcome,

There is a wealth of material here.
I am unsure, from such relatively little information that you shared so far, that an SA meetin' is a place for you....just yet.

B'hatzlachah

I don't know either, and I could never know for sure, no matter how much he types. It's not for me to say either, it's up to each individual. What I'd like to know is how he feels about going.

I've thought about attending SA meetings before but I have plenty of concerns. I'm scared it could lead me to do worse things and I question my motivation for actually wanting to go. I'm also afraid that more people could find out and on top of that I wouldn't even know where to start.

LevTahor13 wrote:


I hope you'll forgive me for ordering what you said to make it easier to think through.

I am not here to convince you to go to SA. It's entirely up to you. Just please bear in mind that it's an option.

1) I'm scared it could lead me to do worse things.

I've heard that from a few members who came in having 'only' used porn and masturbation and suddenly they hear things they never thought about doing before. I've never heard of anyone actually acting on any of the things they heard at a meeting though.


2) I question my motivation for actually wanting to go

I'm not sure what you mean. Could you explain this please?


3) I'm also afraid that more people could find out

More people would find out - the guys in the meeting! No-one else. Only the guys in the same boat as you. We take anonymity extremely seriously. We all need it to stay alive.


4) I wouldn't even know where to start

www.sa.org/top/?f2f=1


I'm not trying to push you into it. If you don't want to go, that's totally fine by me. If you find another way that works for you, even better.

No pressure, come when you're ready (or not). What I've found is that people come to SA when the pain of their acting out finally becomes worse that their fear of taking that first step.

Thanks for the advice, I really do appreciate it! I'll consider your words very strongly