The great eye

What 'Cortes' meant:

Recovery from sex addiction means there is no turning back. The conquistador Cortes provided a model for sex addicts wanting to recovery….that is to burn the boats on the shore and ensure no way back. This makes the expedition or journey succeed or go down trying. They had no other option but to fight to the death. The same is true for beginning recovery from sex addiction. There can be no remaining “stash.” There must be a full “burning” of all prior addiction materials, including all magazines, DVDs, affair partner’s email or phone numbers, hidden cell phones, or unrestricted access to the internet that could end up in a relapse.

As the Sexaholic Anonymous books states, “We stop practicing our compulsion in all its forms…We get rid of all the materials and other triggers under our control” (p. 64) You must fully turn away from your past habitual behaviors and “burn” all porn magazines, porn DVDs, letters from affair partners, or phone numbers of past partners from your cell phone. Burning the boats may also mean canceling cable television, internet access, magazine subscriptions or any other material that could be a threat to your sobriety.

“Destroying”, deleting, or throwing away all the old acting out materials can be scary because that is how you coped with life. The key to recovery is not to stop the addictive behavior (you probably did that thousands of times) but the key is to keep you from ever starting again. You have rationalized, minimized, and justified your addictive behaviors for so long that it is best to eliminate even the materials that seem tame (i.e., fashion magazines, certain R-rated movies that have sexually explicit scenes, websites with models, etc.) You may even ask your spouse/partner for advice about what may be a trigger for you.

This task is a great way to begin your recovery and demonstrate that you are serious about changing the way you live. This action may cause withdrawal symptoms but you will discover that you won’t die without the fix. Instead, you will feel better and develop confidence that there is hope. Don’t forget to also cleanse your place of work, your car, or wherever you may have access to your old tools of addiction.

Shlomo24 wrote:


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cordnoy wrote:


Too of a long post for the likelihood that it's what cords meant, but it's a good pshat anyway, so even if cords didn't mean it I will accept it from whoever says it.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


Cortes, Corts, Cords...what da hell is the difference?

Cortes, Cords, Cordnoy etc..,

Great I have done that. I have rid myself of any "triggers". But I am still addicted to my nightly fix.

and you think the addiction will change?

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


I am not sure what you mean.

laundWaydown I want to apologize to you if I came across a little harsh, as though I was saying your תורה ומצות aren't worth כלום. I wasn't trying to say that AT ALL

I was saying that we all have our little struggle, and I will confess - one of my little struggles is to say things nicely - I'm not very good at that - my wife knows all about it too...

Waydown wrote:


My friend - You laughed at the joke i posted (it's again in tonight's humor section) - the point was that an urge to go to the bathroom can be controlled - when - where - how - why - with what...

In the non Jewish world masturbating is recommended by some, and not condoned by most.
Yiddishkeit disdains Masturbating, so it creates confusion in my heart when Waydown wrote:

Shlomo24 wrote:

waydown wrote:


There are triggers for that too. You have to figure out what they are. You might think that they aren't things you can get rid of, but first see what they are and then take it from there.

Hashivalisesonyishecho,

I saw what those triggers are and got rid of them too. And trust me I have a whole list of behaviors that I have changed to avoid those triggers.

However sometimes I can be learning torah and doing everything right with no triggers yet I can't fall asleep at night without acting out. And thats my greatest problem.

Markz,

I still stick to my opinion that yiddishkit is what brought me to GYE and made my life somewhat unmanageable. And BH it did. Now aside from moral values judiasm also has built in fences so what don't commit the real immoral stuff. I am not a rav and certainly don't know all the reasoning behind mitzvas and averious. But I don't think its far stretched to say that masterbating is about fantasizing sex. If one fantasizes about it then it can easily bring him to actually bring his fantasies to fruition. That's one of the reasons why even secular addicts in SA (I never went to any meetings but so I hear) work on stopping masterbation. Yes there are other reasons as well but I think this is definitely on the list.

And I am still not sure why you refute my going to the bathroom analogy. No its not the same. A human will die if he won't go the bathroom. I won't die if I don't masterbate. But most of us won't die if we don't go the bathroom in middle of the night and push it off till morning. Yet we won't be able to sleep either. The same is true for the urge to masterbate.

[quote="waydown" post=270303]But I don't think its far stretched to say that masterbating is about fantasizing sex. If one fantasizes about it then it can easily bring him to actually bring his fantasies to fruition. That's one of the reasons why even secular addicts in SA (I never went to any meetings but so I hear) work on stopping masterbation.quote]

why do you claim to know things that you don't? (i was called out abt this earlier and i realize that i was wrong). why can't masterbation be reason alone? unmanageability has nothing to do with religion.

Shlomo,

Masturbation could be a reason alone but I think it can also be the reason listed above. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

Re religion well not to rehash old fights but perhaps that's not what made your life unmanageable but it is what makes my life unmanageable. I only talk about and for myself not others.