Ok so unfortunatley I did fall last night but I am not sad about it. I will just start again.
Just to cut myself some slack, I had a really hard time falling asleep last nite but I didn't give in. However, I was forced to wake up twice in middle of the night. ( for my kids) By the second time of waking up (3rd struggle of the nite) I finally just gave up fighting and scummbed. Its not an excuse but the yetzer hara was sure at work last nite. He doesn't stop.

I will not get sad. Rather I will dust it off and start anew.As someone who never went to sleep without my dose, I feel that I am already off to a good start. Here is why,

Basiclly there are two reasons that I am here,

1) I am jewish. Form a yiddishkit point of view my behavior (and what it can lead to) is unaaceptable. I know this can't be our driving factor but nevertheless is defintley something to reckon with. In fact GYE's ad is about feeling like a hypocrit in front of the rav! So judiasm and moral values has to play some role. That being said, I say I am off to a good start. This rosh hashana I can turn to hashem and say hey look I ain't perfect. But if I can go 8/9 days (Hpefully weeks) with no sins when prior to ellul it was daily thats teshuva. Plus,as long as I have my eye on the ball (and don't allow it to be a dily occurance rather a slip) I won't let myself spiral out of control to the point of porn/flirting etc..

2) The lust issue. Yes its an addiction and feeding it is no good and its dangerous.Of course I think even wihholding for a 8 days somewhat attacks the addiction too proviidng you don't spiral back. However leaving aside that pointer, its a confidence builder. Right now I still don't see how you guys can hold back for 90 days. ( and 18 yrs! fuggedaboutit!!!) But now I see how one can reach say one month.

So I will continue my journey as Codrnoy suggests one day at a time. I will also not got down if I fall. To the contrary I am proud of what I have done till now and I expect to fall every now &then.

One Day Free!!!!! (well its really 8/1 day free)

For those following me, I was about to write starting my journey again. But its not true I am not starting again rather I am leaving off and continuing where I left off prior to my last fall. I wnat to build on my 8 days of freedom. And thats the explanatiton for my parnethisis above

8/2 Days free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!