Forum

Welcome, Guest

Ghosts from the past

(0 viewing)

A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

Reply Topic

New Topic

Page:
1
2

TOPIC: Ghosts from the past 1598 Views

Ghosts from the past 27 Oct 2009 20:14 #25902

Eye.nonymous
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 2696
Karma: 15

As a Chareidi BT in Israel (who went to American secular schools with goyim), I used to have this dream of showing up at some high school reunion and making such a big kiddush Hashem looking like a Rabbi. Hey, how did someone from high school end up so Jewish!

But with our growing family, we don't travel to the states even to see our parents anymore. So, there's really no chance of every stopping in at a class reunion. Besides that, it would probably be some Friday night function in some big treifa hall. Oh yeah, and not to mention the pritzus.

So, forget it.

Thanks to the advent of the internet, I sometimes wonder about making this big kiddush hashem on a small scale--just looking someone up and sending them an E-mail.

The truth is, I was not very social in high school and barely talked to anyone unless they sat behind me in some class or another and could tolerate my odd sense of humor. It's not like I have this huge social network just waiting to shlep me back in. While other kids were doing high-school social things, I was basically playing Nintendo in a friend's basement.

So, it seems kinda' stupid that I should think to send anyone a message saying basically, "Hey, I was just wondering how you've been. By the way, I'm doing Talmudic Studies all the time." Especially if that someone is a shiktzeh who sat behind me in Fifth period for Senior Year.

I was thinking about this, and then a recent GUE Chizuk Email seemed to be talking right to me (about "surrender").

Is this "Kiddush Hashem," really just a ploy of the Yeitzer?

As stupic as this whole thing sounds, I still need a bit more convincing.

Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery

Last Edit: by cmainstain.

Re: Ghosts from the past 27 Oct 2009 20:21 #25903

bardichev	eye.n holy tzaddik!! my 'gut' feeling 9take it or leave it just my 2 cents) it's a fanatasy let it die it is another dimension of atzas hayetzer let it be the ones who need to know they know!! now if someone reaches out to you that is a differrnt sitch BARDS
	Last Edit: by hopeful12.

Re: Ghosts from the past 27 Oct 2009 20:35 #25905

kedusha
Current streak: 717 days
OFFLINE
Administrator
Posts: 3167
Karma: 46

If the person you're contacting is a non-Jewish woman, it's a ploy of the Yetzer.

If the person you're contacting is a Jewish woman, it's a ploy of the Yetzer (it's not your job to be Mekareiv women).

If the person you're contacting is a non-Jewish man, it's a ploy of the Yetzer, unless you've got a good reason.

If the person you're contacting is a Jewish man, and you want to send him something inspiring, maybe. But, who knows what he'll send you in return?

Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!

Last Edit: by By.

Re: Ghosts from the past 27 Oct 2009 21:41 #25917

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	If the person you're contacting is a Jewish man and he is posting on this forum and you want to send him something inspiring, maybe. But, who knows if he won't insult you in return?
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by Aryeh_D.

Re: Ghosts from the past 28 Oct 2009 11:45 #26022

G38 OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 233 Karma: 1	I fully understand your fantasys at seeing their suprise how you live but, as a rabbi you have to be dignified too, so leave it for a time when you stand in the subway and happened to recognise the guy next to you. They will look up to you more then if you invite their compliments.
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Ghosts from the past 28 Oct 2009 14:40 #26041

the.guard
Current streak: 805 days
OFFLINE
Moderator
Posts: 6438
Karma: 138

All these "social networking" sites, like Facebook and others, where people can find old friends etc... are poison for an addict.

"PoshutYid" wrote us an e-mail:

IY"H by Monday morning I will have a full month under my belt. I can say without a doubt that this group has helped me tremendously and I owe you all a huge amount of hakaras hatov. I cannot tell you how much more in control of my life I feel.

It has not come without challenges, but B"H with S"D I am still determined to fight this all the way. In fact, the yetzer tried to get me to go onto Facebook and look at some of the pictures over there with the rationalization that it is not pornography. I actually listened and went but I shut it down before I could really focus on it. I know this is his way of getting me to do something seemingly innocent which will lead me down a horrible path.

On a positive note I am davening better lately and I started a shiur this week. IY"H the Torah will replace the Tumah in my head and I will be able to be mekadesh my body, mind and speech.

A few days later he wrote:

I have failed! I have fallen. After 32 days I lost it. I knew I was losing it and I couldn't stop myself. It started with Facebook and I spent the whole day on the computer surfing. I even went home for supper and came back and thought I would control myself, but I didn't. I don't even want to look in the mirror I am so embarrassed. I just want to cry. After all that hard work, I have thrown it all away.
Is there hope??

After a stumble with Facebook, "Momo" posted on the forum:

I need to learn from my fall, and this past fall has taught me that I have to cancel my Facebook account. It's really a waste of time anyway. The only reason I've been keeping the account is to see what's new in my friend's lives, see new photos of their kids, and have all of their email addresses in one spot. So I'll be "out of the loop". I'll miss someone's birthday. I'll miss a cute photo of a kid smiling. It's NOT worth it if it's going to trigger me to fall. I'm too sick to be on Facebook.

The next day "Momo" wrote:

Yesterday I said that I'd deactivate my Facebook account, and I did. Right before I did that, I said a prayer that with the z'chut of this action, HaShem should help everyone who's on this forum. Then, while I was doing the deactivation, the Y"H started voicing his objections "come on...". I countered by singing (in my head) a niggun really loudly. I felt very proud of myself after I did it, until I received a notice from Facebook that I can always activate my account again simply by signing in.

After searching the net, I found that you CAN request to have your account permanently deleted, and I did this too.

One great Ba'al Teshuvah - who has been clean now for well over a year, wrote us as follows:

The Yetzer Hara in his slimy and cunning ways, convinces so many people that Facebook is so innocent! Believe me, it is one of the worst places on the web, probably because it seems so innocent!

I personally have transgressed some of the worst Aveiros, thanks to Facebook! May Hashem have mercy on me and forgive me. May Hashem have mercy on everyone out there with a Facebook account, and give them the strength to get rid of it forever.

Same goes for mySpace and all "social" sites. The Torah forbids social mingling of the sexes. This applies 10000000% to mingling on Facebook too, and perhaps applies even more due to the anonymity involved that allows people to sink lower and lower, rachmana li'tzlan.

Please keep harping on this, until people get the message.

Another guy wrote:

Good for you Momo! I am also happy to let you know that I gave up my Facebook a few weeks ago. It's good to see I am not alone here. I became addicted to it, checking friends' profiles and pictures.

Now when I'm home with time to spare, I'm more likely to pick up a sefer and learn instead of wasting time on the computer on these social networking sites.

Also, I went through my iTunes and iPod and deleted a lot of my goyishe music, including lady singers. This is something of a financial loss, since this music cost money, but I am more than confident that 'loss' is far outweighed by the eternal spiritual gains this will bring me.

E-mail by "Shoshana":

Greetings,

I joined your mailing list a couple of weeks ago. I am very happy that I visited and signed up.

I have been in a 12 step, AA for many years and was "familiar" with SA. I can't tell you how much this site has helped me. I too have been on Facebook and there is a lot of inappropriate behavior there.

I am not Orthodox yet but live in a Reform Jewish household. I have been slowly becoming more observant though Chabad, and this site has helped me a great deal. You just have no idea!!!!

There are many times through the day when I will say, "Guard ur Eyes"

I thank you and Hashem thanks you... and you are saving families!

Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.

Last Edit: by ye.

Re: Ghosts from the past 29 Oct 2009 13:07 #26213

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	bardichev wrote on 27 Oct 2009 20:21: eye.n holy tzaddik!! now if someone reaches out to you that is a differrnt sitch This comment was a huge help. It's that tiny bit of L'Shmah that makes it hard to forget the whole idea. "BUT, Maybe it's such a big kiddush Hashem!" BUT, now that the drop of L'Shmah has a new home, it's much easier to forget the rest b'shleiumus.
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by Lustful.

Re: Ghosts from the past 29 Oct 2009 13:11 #26215

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	guardureyes wrote on 28 Oct 2009 14:40: All these "social networking" sites, like Facebook and others, where people can find old friends etc... are poison for an addict. ...etc... I think I smell a chizuk E-mail here... ...or was this already one?
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by Anonymous2160.

Re: Ghosts from the past 29 Oct 2009 21:49 #26332

7yipol
Current streak: 3 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
YES HE CAN!
Posts: 4686
Karma: 12

Dont try make a Kiddish Hashem

BE a Kiddish Hashem.

Impress that Jewish bus driver by saying "thank you" when he punches your ticket and when you get off.
Impress that makolet owner when you return the extra shekel he accidentally gave you as change.
Impress that little kid down the block by wishing him a good day as he passes you each day on his way to school.

The goyim can be impressed. Or not.
But its the Jewish neshama Im interested in.
I want that bus driver, makolet man, and little kippah-less kid to smile, shake his head, and say to himself
"Ah! Now that's what being frum is all about!!!!

Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"

Last Edit: by climber613.

Re: Ghosts from the past 29 Oct 2009 22:16 #26341

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	I think I smell a chizuk E-mail here... ...or was this already one? I searched through all the old chizuk e-mails for the word "Face-Book"
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by Jsoldier722.

Re: Ghosts from the past 30 Oct 2009 06:53 #26377

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	G38 wrote on 28 Oct 2009 11:45: I fully understand your fantasys at seeing their suprise how you live but, as a rabbi you have to be dignified too, Clarification: I'm not a Rabbi. It's just that to someone who's not religious, or not Jewish, they would probably think I look like one.
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by israel74.

Re: Ghosts from the past 30 Oct 2009 11:05 #26393

G38 OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 233 Karma: 1	Aw, get of it. I didn't ask you if you got your Horoa’h already. To them we are all rabbis and therefore we can not afford to behave otherwise. Once you will be here sometime and will share your insights with us you will be a rabbi all right!
	Last Edit: by ayc123.

Re: Ghosts from the past 02 Nov 2009 04:28 #26568

coby613

I'm back for all those who forgot about me (with just cause). I'm having trouble with the skeletons in my closet as well (it is halloween as long as we're talking about ghosts, right? is that the reason? heh?) my past is hitting me strongly and the yetzer is attacking me on all fronts. I went to a shabboton this past weekend and found myself disgusted by the way I acted around all the young men at the function. I have major issues about my past and really wish to overcome them, beyond the issue of pornography and not thinking about things I should. I should prolly spend more time here instead of sitting around moping about it in my spare time. Anybody have similar stories and tips how to deal with the issues and get over them?
Thanks,
Coby613

Last Edit: by linda stern.

Re: Ghosts from the past 03 Nov 2009 16:58 #26762

7yipol Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder YES HE CAN! Posts: 4686 Karma: 12	Coby, with what youve gone through in life, you DESERVE professional help. The severe abuse you have suffered, both physically and emotionally are too heavy a burden to carry alone and to heal by wishful thinking. Keep posting so we can be here for you in words, not just warm thoughts. Hope you dont mind me writing this...
	Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM" Last Edit: by Yeshivabochur1.

Re: Ghosts from the past 03 Nov 2009 17:29 #26763

MARK

Eye.nonymous wrote on 27 Oct 2009 20:14:

to me, it sounds like your goal in life is to grow (suprsingly not everyone has that as there goal)

the way to safisfy that, is to find your area of struggle and work on it...when you do this
you will feel accompl. oppurtinuty to make this "kiddush hashem" comes when you least expect it.
in my humble opinion... this is your fuel for you growth...to make this kiddush hashem..
therefore always keep it with you. don't worry, if you work on yourself enough you'll one day make
that kiddush hashem..but the main thing is that you grow
good luck "its not for us to say the goal is too much..but it is for us to start"

Last Edit: by Tartar101.