waydown wrote:

If any of us had realized this would work, we probably wouldn't be here.
I suggest that you just forget about the whole love without lust issue for now, start studying the 12 steps, and try your best to eliminate masturbation completely.

quote="belmont4175" post=258492]gibbor120 wrote:


Hey this seems somewhat true!!!

However the Gemarah does'nt note this when they say אבר קטן יש באדם משביע רעב מרעיבו שבע, but you might have another source please tell us.[/quote]

See the כלי יקר by the story of יוסף &
אשת פוטיפר where he says exactly that.

belmont4175 wrote:
Sorry to keep teasing because I don't know the source for this either. But, I heard something about a gemara that says that Dovid had relations with his wife since he knew he was going to get a nisayon. But, he forgot "masbio re'ev, mareivo sovaya". Something like that. I may have even heard it on this forum. Calling all talmidei chachomim (or someone willing to do a google search ) to enlighten us.

gibbor120 wrote:


I posted about the kli yakar and that gemara in the bais medrash section- but I don't know how to paste a link. Can someone help me with that? The title of the thread is : "A wife is like bread?"

just copy the url from the address bar. you can do it like this

There are 2 principles we should try and keep to:

1) See what works for you.
2) Share what works (and doesn't work) for you.

We are here to learn from, and support, each other.

waydown wrote:


thank you for that.

Regardin' 90 days, you hear many of us say...let's just focus on the moment before us, and many old timers still do that. Some people, perhaps those who are less addicted thrive on the 90 day challenge...so be it.
Now, although you just saw that I am not the greatest proponent of 90 day challenge, i didn't say....just act out once a week (and I know you don't mean that either). tis a question of what we are emphasisin'.

Regardin' relations with wife, I have an entire mikvah thread about this. I have come a long way. Do I do it for myself? yes! Do I enjoy it? yes! But do I have my wife's feelin's much more in focus now? You better believe it! That comes from focusin' on her.

b'hatzlachah to you

Cordony,
I think re relations with our wives we actually totally agree. Of course you must focus on your wife's feeling. And that should play an important role. But you must also enjoy it yourself and you should focus on satsifying your desiers while also satsifying her. In fact I'll tell you a little more. For my first few years of marriage I was totally focused on her.I somewhat supressed my bedroom desires even when we had relations. I can honsetly say that it was very unenjoyable on both ends and was done more as an act of OK we need to have kids so lets do this. We got along great outside the bedroom so the lackluster martial relationships never festered to any shalom bayis issues. But being that I do have a high drive and lacked of it in the bedroom I fantasize alot more. And I began looking around whats out there by the goyim. Lately I have changed tactic. Now I try to enjoy myslef a bit more in the bedroom. And she actually enjoys watching me get aroused and gets turned on from that too (Sorry if I got a little graphic there).In fact lately she will ask me sometimes for relations something very rare in the past when she often calimed she is just too tired. So me enjoying myself actually helps her enjoy herself too. Of course I can't become selfish becuase of that. But I have learned that a woman actually likes to see a man get turned on and enjoy himself from her.And I hope its one of the many steps that will help me in my drive to fight my tevia. Of course its far from the magic bullet but I don't think there is one magic bullet anyhow.
Wishing you and the entire GYE family a zisa lichtiga "HEILIGER" Shabbos!

to you as well.

whatever works by you is good b"H.

I think for the most part though, and certainly for those of us who are lust addicted, we need to suppress our own desires and focus on the wife.....in general terms.

thanks

bhatzlachah