hey, been here a while and haven't checked in in a long time. i have ssa issues, which i've learned to live with but i also developed a taste for acting out with men, which i'm fine with as well. I am a very spiritual person and while i enjoy my lifestyle and have no problems, i want to stick to frumkeit as much i can still. currently, i am slightly otd, not really keeping shabbos so much and acting up with men. how do i set myself right yet still be ok with my decisions in lifestyle and personal behavors and choices? thanks

seichel wrote:



You dont keep shabbos and want to continue acting out with men. So in my humble opinion i dont see what is bothering you in your life. All seems to be good and enjoyable in your lifestyle.

You know the Torah is called "Sefer Hayashar" the only book which is straight and goes in a straight line.Maybe you will set yourself right and be ok if you can manage to twist the book to your lifestyle to the point that your lifestyle goes in one line with it.

P.S. in the last three thousand years of history nobody was able to do that; and they tried very hard but to no avail . So i wonder how would you be able to do with my advise.

Let me know. . .

I suspect that you'd found yourself most uncomfortable with being gay/ssa and frum - which is why you left the frum life - in order no to suffer this terrible conflict - which it indeed is.
Your reaching out here suggests that you do wish that things could be a little different, that you hope there is some better way than your currently doing of ending the conflict.
Yours is a tough nisayon to have. Almost seems cruel for a frum Jew to be served this plate.
I think absolutely you must accept yourself, the full package. This doesn't mean that to act out your yetzer is what you should be doing. As New Action said, te Torah is Sefer hayashar and Hashem said that doing this is a toeiva which when opened up into seperate words reads "to'eh atah bah" - you're making a mistake in it (not my vort).
Gevura Shebiyesod (not sure how to spell his name actually) is a man to respect; he has these challenges and will have perspectives and wisdom to share with you.
I wish you much hatzlacha in finding peace, meaning and fulfilment in doing Gd's will for you. You know Gd's got a plan for you - how you will have the joy of vast self development and self expression. Go on the journey and find out.

My Oh My how difficult it must be for you!
You are slipping away from the Torah way. You know it, your Neshama feels it You are a man at war with himself

At the same time you live in a generation where you will find plenty of people to support you and claim this is the way you have to be, even whole communities. They will argue that anyone who disagrees is not only narrow minded but perhaps HOMOPHOBIC. That means that the one who questions you is sick - yes sick - has a phobia with regard to that way of living.
You are clearly a good man. shlomo613 wisely mentioned that the fact you posted here is very telling of your inner turmoil.
I feel for you to no end. Your test is beyond comprehension. However it is not beyond passing. How can I say that? How do I, who does not have this nisayon have the chutzpah to say that? Because the Torah says to refrain from such activity so there must be a way. As well there are others who work a system/program and together with support are keeping it in check.

My dear Jewish blood-brother I plead to you.
You are well aware, in the depths of your heart that no same gender relationship, community or 100,000 parades down Fifth Avenue will ever give you true - solace,comfort or serenity.
HOWEVER, if you take the Torah way - with support from other like-minded people who have that challenge - and steadfastly follow that right path - the path that G-d himself revealed to his people over 3,300 years ago on that mountain - you will look in the mirror every single day and like what you see. You will be an inspiration to others and which will bring you unquestionably joy to no end. You will have a family that loves and respects you. You will be a most distinguished man possessing character well worth the respect of others.
When this journey of life comes to its inevitable end You will go to your maker with a life record that will be the envy of many, instead of meekly standing before the Almighty with a sackful of pure excuses and mountains of shame. Love, Yirai

thanks so much! after being told some things i'd rather not reflect on more after I posted this initially, this is a true inspiration.