Is it a good idea for, lets say, someone who falls 3 times a week on average, to allow himself to fall only once a week. Do this for a month. After a month, allow once every 10 days. Then allow once every 2 weeks, etc.

???

I think it wouldn't work for me.

Since these are serious shaylos and we tend to forget that bec we do it so much id suggest asking a rebbe your close to but in my opinion YES. Very good idea, put it this way, right now you have absolutely no leash on yourself at the very least with this you'll have something to hold you, who knows without it you may mess up many many more times!
I once had someone who is well versed in things like this suggest to start cutting down, it helped for a nice while, it may not be the final answer but its a great first step.

This has been discussed here several times before.
I have a negative opinion on this.
But let me ask you one thin': How will it work? Let's say you have three days; what will you do then? Go look at porn and act out, for you didn't act out that week? Will you wait for five days?
Please explain.

Thanks

It would work (or not) as follows: I, who currently have a fall around 2 or 3 times a week, would make a decision not to fall more than 1 time a week. I would not decide now to fall after a week is up. Rather, I would decide now that under no circumstances will I fall before a week is up. This is much easier than saying right now I will decide never to do it again. I wrote on this forum a few days ago, that the best thing is to take it one day at a time. Then, I had a fall, so one day at a time can't be the only mindset to have. I think this other idea of gradually cutting down may help to an extent. I have tried this in the past, and I believe I was oveir the aveiros fewer times because of it, if I remember correctly (this was a few years ago). I actually spoke to Rav Aharon Feldman Shlit"a about cutting down, many years ago. I really do not want to misquote, but I believe he said along the lines of what I just said.

Sorry,
I don't understand.
If decisions work, why not decide for today?
What does a week have to do with it?

I have tried this. It didn't work for me.

would such a plan work for a gambler? drinker? druggie?

I don't see it.

GYEmember wrote:


Your intentions are great, but I don't see it working.
If it works for you then do it.

I would say to try the TaPhSiC Method guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/20-tools/item/tool-10?category_id=278 the way it works is by delaying and pushing off the urge.
We don't know how many times we are going to fall, their are days that we don't fall even once, and their are days that we fall several times.
So if you can allays delay and push off your urge by using the TaPhSiC Method you learn not to give on the moment of an urge, it's an amazing tool.

GYEMember - its a good question, but it can use some clarification.

If you want to cut yourself some slack when you fall, that is fantastic. Don't beat yourself up. See from where you came and note how much progress you have made. Every time I find myself slipping, I realize how much more careful I am today than I was months or years ago. We are human and not expected to be perfect - just trying to get there.

So if it is easier for you to cut yourself a bit of slack as you improve, great!

If you want to hold onto garbage, while you become holy, and not really ready to let go, its not going to be any easier. Sorry - their hard words to hear, but I want to be honest. What changes people is the powerful feelings of getting this garbage out of their lives (think about being holy, clean, honest, open, true to oneself, growing, having relationships). What I'm afraid your describing implies great levels of control over when you decide to mess up your life - that is not the way the Yetzer Hara works. It takes many people time to discover that. So...

Keep on posting either way and let us know how it goes.

Ezra wrote:


As I told my therapist the other day, "Is it so bad if I visit those places once every six months?"

GYEmember wrote:
The collective experience of the chevra here shows that it dos not work. Sorry. To quote the Big Book or White Book (I can't remember which) "Half measures availed us nothing". It's tempting, but it doesn't work. If it does work for you, you can post on this forum that I was wrong.

Doesn't seem to make sense to throw the Y"H this bone.

Give him a finger he'll take a hand, give him a hand he'll take the whole torso.

It actually seemed to work for me as a bachur. I was masturbating nightly And made a decision to only do it on Shabbos (oneg shabbos ). I was able to keep it till marriage and then broke off completely.... 7 years later BOOM!
I was back worst than ever.
So maybe it can work in conjunction with a real plan.

Seems like it depends on the person, like many things in life...