Great job on stayin' sober for so long.
your post, though, is slightly confusin'; perhaps my fault.
did you fall, or didn't you fall?
Are you worried about now, or later?
How have you stayed clean?
How will you stay sober?
What have you tried?
How will the car come to you?
My last question (sorry for so many, and you don't need to answer 'em all, and truth be told, you don't need to answer any): You wrote: what can I do to motivate yourself? Watson wrote to you that there's an entire website for that. I'm not sure there's an entire website for your question (although there might be some tidbits); there is an entire site for what to do, but you asked: what can I do to motivate yourself? Sadly, I don't think there's an answer to that question. If you are not motivated to stay sober, chances are pretty high that you won't.
I know what motivated me; my life was unbearable.
Others say that the fear of Hell openin' up and swallowin' them limb by limb motivated them.
Others will say that they read they will need to swim in boilin' stuff, so that was kinda deterrent.
Some say that it contaminated them.
Others wanted to save for their wife.
Whatever....
You decide if there is motivation.
If there is (and it sounds like there was, for otherwise, how da hell did you do it for so long?), then peruse the site to see what method fits for you.
b'hatzlachah
Warning: Spoiler!
