Hello all,

After near 40 days of sobriety, I have fallen this morning

These 40 days were very rich : I started to work on the 12 steps, I went to my first S.A physical group reunion, I began to work on my unsatisfaction... I was feeling that I was on a good path.
I had some difficult moments where I was on the edge, but I managed to stay sober... until today.

The story is that my fall started yesterday in the night, when my wife wasn't in the room because she couldn't sleep : she leaft the room during my sleep to read a book.

So, after a moment, I emerged of my sleep in a sort of "half sleeping" mode. Quickly, an attack was coming, and I began to act out before I realized what was happening.
At the same moment, I managed to find a leak in the filter of my mobile phone (how ??? how did I have the idea of this leak ???)... and it was the dip in the mud.

But I managed to fight and to not fall because I remembered some of the teachings that I read in "Zos Brisi" book. But the fight was very hard, all the night, and the fall happened in the morning.

Now, I corrected the leak in the filter.
And, even if I felt depressed this morning, I prefer to stay in mind all the good work in this period, and continue it.

I now arrive to my question : it's not the first time that I woke up in the night and a attack came very quickly when my awareness is still numb, and I begin to act out before my defences wake. So it's very difficult to avoid these attacks, and they are very dangerous for me.

Is there a solution to avoid these sort of attacks ?
Is there a method ? Or a work to do ?

Thanks !

How are you durin' the daytime?

Deep breath! You are safe now.

If it happened, even started, when you were subconscious it isn't considered a fall but come on! Let's stop worrying about the days and start concentrating on recovery: one day at a time!

Cordnoy, the previous day wasn't agitated so much...
Little thoughts, but nothing that could make me imagine that a fall is coming.

Thanks Dms1234 !
So, when I have a fall like this, it is not a fall ?

David26fr wrote:


I don't really care if it is a fall or not; the key is what are we doin' to prevent actin' out on our lustful behavior or thoughts? What are we doin' to prevent those thoughts from enterin' or festerin'? What are we doin' to fix ourselves, so this 'solution' won't come knockin'?

b'hatzlachah

For me the day counting=Kavod. And boy do i love Kavod. I love racking in those days!!!!! Makes me feel so good and important. Ah! Love it!

But is that really what recovery is about! OH BOY, I hope not! Recovery is about living each and every day: one day at a time!