I've been following gye for a few months now n and off. Reading the forums etc...

This being hazmanim so far has been a total disaster.

I need to break free!


Until this point I guess I never cared enough to really want to break free. Well, of course technically I wanted to but it wasn't something that I felt I could really hack.

These past few weeks have been so downhill for me. It's as if I was rolling down a mountain and I just hit the bottom with a loud thump. Now I realize how high of hill I came rolling down. I got hit pretty hard.

The main problem I have is needing to constantly stay busy. I don't have much going on in my life. Yes, I do have a few hobbies, but it still doesn't occupy me and my mind still tells me lies like 'i'm under so much stress, act out now I deserve it'. My situation at home isn't the best either.

Gonna work one day at a time. It's a really rough road ahead.

I'm not looking forward to the battle, but I've got to battle to win (win = one day at a time + get up after a fall)

Thank you GYE for helping klal yisroel!

Bein hazmanim is also a challenge for me to not use my family's unfiltered laptop to look up stuff. I find that my strong days are when i start the day after a quick breakfast with a solid 1-2 hours of learning with my phone on silent mode. It helps put my day and life into perspective which resonates throughout the day. It's a tough time, but you can do it. KOP and KOMT!

Thanks!

Well yom tov was actually quite bad.

Fell twice. Got back up the third day, shabbos. Even shabbos wasn't easy. Had a big y'h. But got over it b'h.
Getting right back up and moving on!

Amazing every success is proof that you can succeed the next time it is the same YH (the gammara says he is like an old man we know him well his tricks are the same i.e. making the nonsense and irrevelant look AMAZING and that if I do not get it NOW I will die!!)


I really fell (even was questioned by police) this is serious and on the outside you would not know I am married in kollel and work as a doctor!!! but inside I spend hours in fantasy world.

Getting clean for me meant joining the Real world and really caring about others .
I went through the white book - which is basically a mussar book.

I bless you will all the hazlacha in the world never give up - one of the middos of hashem is "erech Hapayim" he has waited thousands of years for US to do the right thing! be like Him NEVER NEVER give up on your self. You are special and you deserve the best .
Deepest Blessings


Charlie!

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips

Yes, just concentrate on today. What do you gotta get done today?

Thank you for all your support!

Had a great day yesterday. Had a plan. Kept myself busy. Learnt a bit as well. All was great until I got into bed.

After tossing and turning (and fighting with the y'h) for an hour he won ;(

But I guess the bright side is it took him an hours fight to win. So I guess I'm sort of a winner.

Gonna pick myself up and keep climbing!

Gotta work out a plan for today.

Welcome

Nice attitude.

what tools are you currently using?

b'hatzlachah

Every second we say no to the yetzer hara, its a win for us with incredible s'char. Being in bed is also a hard thing for me. I find it helps to have things to think about, or songs i play in my mind, or misnayos that I'll say in mind b'al pe. The yetzer hara doesn't want us to learn, so he'll let us go to sleep. I heard that trick from a rav regarding thinking through the mitzvos temidios.

Currently my main tool is staying occupied. If I'm occupied and have a real will to stay away from pitfalls then I won't fall.

I definitely hear that shomerbro. Thanks! I try learning a bit in bed for a few minutes. Generally a translated to English Seder like chofetz chaim or saying tehillim.

Shalom aleichem, Mr Stop!

You seem to have the right attitude.

One Moment At A Time is the only way to go.

YH's a real pro as getting us down cuz we 'already messed up anyway', or cuz 'you know you can't fight this forever, may as well cave in now'.

So just keep on truckin'!

Helpmrstop22 wrote:


It's a nice tool, but one cannot stay occupied for the rest of his life.
Nevertheless, it is a good place to get recovery rollin'.
eventually, we gotta learn things that work - even when we are not occupied, or in the shower, bathroom, bed, etc.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:


I can't agree more. The biggest change through GYE for me was probably getting the tools to stay clean even when I am going through the tough times. stress, depression, and generally being out of sync with myself. Pre-GYE I would have times that lust wasn't even a part of my life. When things were cruising along in my life. When I was learning well and davening well etc. but when those gave way I had no way to prevent myself from falling. I have learnt how to live properly and deal with the problems and not use porn and masturbating as an escape.
When I think back those times came on a regular basis usually for a few days every two weeks or so.
So yes, we gotta learn how to live properly.

Thanks!

Actually my user name was supposed to be helpmestop22 :-) a typo on my end!

And definitely, the y'h sometimes tries telling me ''you just fell give it another shot you'll start fresh tomorrow''

cordnoy wrote:


Of course. And sometimes even while being occupied the y'h will attempt to get you as well. It's just the nisayon is allot greater when I'm unoccupied.

Thanks to gye for keeping me occupied :-)

I'm waiting for gye to have a game room