Well I just had 2+ Amazing weeks. My addiction seemed to be hovering in the background somewhere, completely insignificant, and I went on with life. I was learning Torah, doing mitzvos...One of the contributions was my leaving my apartment, where I lived alone and so was very vulnerable.

Anyways I suddenly found myself with a new phone, on which I hadn't installed a filter, and in a situation where I was in an apartment alone. I went into the bathroom and...well it was so random and sudden, and I really never should have gone in with my phone--which was the point of weakness that the yetzer hara grabbed onto. But this time, from previous experiences, I know I could do it, even longer this time.

The only issue I have that seriously bothers me is that, I know this happens to me so that I could overcome it. We shouldn't ask for challenges, of course, but if they come then they're for us. Perhaps my challenge is to avoid that situation in the first place, but once there, what do I do? Because I never seemed to be able to do anything about it one "there." There were a couple of times that I remember when I succeeded. Once, during a particularly horrible period where I was falling a few times a week nonstop, I was in the shower and suddenly imagined myself as though I was fighting a war--you know, with guns and everything. And I was giving out commands, "They're attacking us! Quick we must retaliate!" And This whole scene was playing in my head how I was slowly and miraculously overcoming the enemy--the yetzer hara, that is--until finally we conquered the hill and had to keep defenses up until they've gone--i.e. until I've left the shower--so that they don't strike back.

Maybe I have to try it again, but I need something more ...you know...

First of all good work optimistic. I hope you have tanks in your artillery. they are very helpful as the guys here can attest to.
As far as preparing for battle the best way is definitely to avoid it all costs. Like you said no phone in bathroom if need be. Perhaps even avoiding internet on the phone altogether. I have not had internet on my phone for over a year and a half and it is a big help. you can either download an app that locks the browser (and give someone else the code) or there might be filters available.
I find that aside from email, there is not much that i need to do on the phone that can't wait till i get back to my computer. (I tag the emails with a "Things to do on computer" tag so i can skip right to them when i am by the computer)
And once you are actually in battle, it seems that you have a great battle plan to get through it. why not stick to the guns?
something that helped me at some point was thinking about how I would post my struggle here, and by picturing the post i was sometimes able to neutralize the enemy from within me.
the main thing is KOP! and KOT! stay out of isolation.

We all have struggles and situations and challenges.
they cannot be completely avoided.
We need to acquire the tools to deal with them properly.
Some obtain them from the email chizuks.
Some from phone conferences.
some from the handbook.
Some from the whitebook.
Some from personal phone calls.
Some from SA meetin's.
Some from therapist/specialist.

Let us know which you pick.

b'hatzlachah

Well I had to choose one of three of my threads, I realized, and follow it through. This is the only one with a normal heading, so I'll bli neder update on this one regularly.

The last week has been relatively horrible. I'm been at home, for ben hazmanim, but comparable to last year's break it's been alright. My problem is that I waste too much time on doing basically nothing, so that I have no "armor" to protect me against a trigger. I know, I know, I know that I have to always be on guard and I'm always vulnerable etc. etc. However when I keep myself occupied with good things like learning Torah throughout the day then I'm--understandably--much more successful in keeping it up.

The thing that always sends me into trouble is just one trigger...One thing that I will see which my yetzer hara will decide that THIS is all it needs to feast on to get my waaaay down and it inevitably works, as it has so far.

So I found myself several times spontaneously opening up bad sites. At first it was much more controlled, and it was more of a process, a battle between convincing myself not to and trying to avoid it etc. Then when I would fall it was only after taking a bit of a walk outside, as per my oath (and sometimes it worked to push it up by a day or two). But then I completely forgot about the shvua....It was completely without thinking, and I just opened up the sites! As soon as I remembered that I have an oath I stopped immediately, but I fell completely at least once this way...

Well I'm disappointed that I didn't do the right thing while I had the opportunity, but soon seder will start again...I am very confident that things will stay right, then.

hi,
i think things will pick up once seder starts...but it doesn't solve the problem.
what are you gonna do next bei hazmanim?
are you interested in recovering/getting a firm stance on the problem, or do you feel like running away from temporarily, is a better idea?
aderaba, maybe in the z'man it will easier to prepare yourself for some self searching.
but, from experience, don't rely on a good z'man by itself to solve anything, unless one actively does something (including understanding the issue and admitting the problem), chances are you will be in the same place next bein hazmanim- chas v'sholom-.

Good to hear that youre gonna update on a semi-regular basis.
good to hear that zman is startin'.

Let me ask: How, when we are on somewhat of a high, can one/you/me avoid those 'spontaneous openin' up of bad sites'?

Update to those interested...

The addiction is way behind me. It holds no place in my life whatsoever, except to propel me forward and know what to avoid. I don't think/consider it etc. and it doesn't bother me. I've been through at least one bein hazmanim with no falls B"H. Life's good people. Thanks for all the support! Sorry for lack of updates, but I've been extremely busy.

(The most important step in my freedom was to no longer be alone where I lived. I very much feel I have gotten to a place where even if I were to go back to my old place I would survive. However we don't take challenges like that and I will do whatever I can BE"H to avoid such a situation forever on.

HAtzlacha raba!

We certainly are interested.

Great to hear.

hatzlachah vayter

Good to hear from yoy. Hope things only continue to get better.

What nice news. You are an inspiration to me.