Hi im relatively new but I have to say if I keep walking on the street and tell my self don't look don't look it wont work for the rest of my life there has to be a different approach because you cannot continue for the rest of your life telling yourself not to look I agree you shouldn't look but the approach has to be different how can I walk on the street normaly without always telling myself don't look you cannot fight it like this your whole life , anyone I appreciate all ideas

You are 100% correct.

If you are always fighting you will eventually get tired and break down and in the process hurt yourself somebody else and probably spill your drink.


One question though...

Is that the only problem you have when it comes to lust?

Eli

True no that not my only problem my problem is also masturbation but I feel like not looking at women is cornerstone and a must for you cannot be spiritual and connect to Hashem while looking at women , again im relatively new, now i think i got the point if you fill yourself with tochen and with Hashem so then you wont want to look at women for you don't feel the need to you have dealt with your pain and emptiness that means basically focus on the positive and negative will go away automatically , i hope that's the method because fighting with the negative and telling my self don't look for the rest of my life just doesn't sound practical. Thanks

great question!

the answer is: we do not need to do it for the rest of our life. the only concern is right now...that's it....no sense worryin' about the future, especially when it will effect the present; it is the moment before us that we need to be concerned about.

b'hatzlachah on that moment

True you have to focus only on the moment but still you cannot constantly be fighting and saying don't look don't look and I think the reason is because you haven't dealt with the source of the problem why do you want to look ? Because you have pain and emptiness therefore you have to bring in positive things , Hashems love and support and peoples love and compassion then you wont want to look, for the reason you want to look is to soothe your pain but once you've solved the pain you've solved the symptom. Fighting and dealing with it negatively is only good short term that bpoal you should stop looking but it dosent solve the problem long term.

It's only a constant struggle if in the back of your mind it's an option.

That's not to say when I encounter a trigger my desires remain calm, not at all.

In my case however, when I get "areingetun" in lust my life falls apart. I can't let myself lust even a little bit because all bloody hell breaks loose inside of me.

One more thing: Don't go nuts worrying about the fact that you saw a woman.

The going crazy about it is half the problem. Just turn your head and go veiter. Really. Don't feel bad if it took you longer than you would have liked to look away. Just turn away.

good advice thanks

Dear d111, I haven't had a chance to welcome you to GYE, so welcome to GYE!!

One of the first things that I learned when I signed up to the forum was that I don't have separate issues, porn, masturbating, shemiras einayim, etc. I have one current that runs through everything, and that is lust. I was always on the lookout for something to get my heart racing, for the adrenaline to start pumping. Sometimes I'd do more active stuff to get that feeling, like watching porn, sometimes it was much less, like fantasizing, but it was all acting out on the same thing.

The lusting is way for me to escape life, and the only way that I can be free of that, is not only not escaping, that doesn't work, but rather actively connecting with life, living in the moment and appreciating life. I am learning to deal with the difficulties that I used to run away from, and am astonished to see that.....THEY DON'T KILL ME!!! Not only that, but there is a feeling of content and happiness that comes along with it!!

It doesn't come with one click, it doesn't happy quickly at all, but stick around learn about more of your triggers, both emotional and physical, and how to deal with them.

KOT!! KOMT!!

Thank you for the welcoming,and well said I agree its all lust and it all needs to be removed , and the last point is super useful ,all this lust is just an outlet an escape from the real problem , life's challenges and struggles. May all klal yisrael Matzlich Zayin In De Milchama mitin Yetzer and it should only be good and sweet for all the Yidden Amen.

Great questions and points. I think if we improve ourselves, we don't want to look. Because we develop and work on the good in our life, and find the superficial quick fixes, just that - with a whole lot of hangover which is clearly makes the upside not worth it.

Welcome d111
I had the same problem did not have energy to fight.
what worked for me was,to always substitute the thought instead of fighting it for example you are in star bucks a women is standing in front of you instead of thinking of the women think of what coffee you should buy caffeinated or decaff....

Good Luck

Thanks for the advice your absolutely right whenever a women is in front of you just think of something else,be involved and busy in other things , but also talk to yourself maybe your in a bad mood or stressed out, hurt, or angry these feelings make Shmiras hanayim 10 times harder, its important to deal with the problem that's under the addiction, at the end of the day we all have escape parts that are painful to live with. Doing lust makes us feel good temporarily and as soon as were done the pain comes back and even more stronger with feelings of shame and anguish. Therefore for long term recovery its important to deal with the emotional side of yourself. Hatzlacha Raba to everyone!

I read in the book Ve'haer Einenu that it is bad to think negatively like im not going to look, im not going to look. Rather be in the positive im going to be kadosh, and obviously dont look but i mean to say that you have to realize that you are gaining kedusha from not looking. You are doing a mitzva and therefore getting kedusha from it. Ive tried it and it becomes so much easier to watch your eyes on the street. you should try it out