For anyone who has the patience to read this..... So I was having a good day today, and after lunch I whipped up a new sauce and put it on the last two pieces of chicken, stuck it in a pan to marinate for dinner and left it in the oven, which was off, went back out and continued my day... A little later, I texted my roommate asking him to put the oven on, planning for the chicken to be ready in time for dinner...my roommate is VERY spacy, but I figured it was simple enough for him to turn on the oven. He texted me back that he turned the dial but it didn't seem like the oven was on... My phone died, & I was busy so I couldn't really respond to him... I come home a little later and see the knob turned, but the oven off. The knob had been knocked crooked so that it was off the whole time even though the dial was turned to 450 degrees. Why in God's name could my roommate not figure out what the problem was!? I was very upset, and my roommate was lucky that he wasn't home then. I also at that moment received an email telling me that my Shabbos plans would not be working out the way that I was hoping. I yelled at G-d, asking why everything has to be such a challenge and nothing can go the way it's supposed to. Then I remembered Dov's daily dose from yesterday where he writes "Hashem, let's get together and work on this thing called "my life" together from now on, OK? I'll get out of Your way, and please You help me see how things are running better Your way than mine, OK?" That helped me calm down. Then I thought, gam zu letova, maybe it's better now because instead of eating dinner now, I'll have to eat later, but that means I have some time to learn now before maariv. So I put the oven on full blast and went to Shul. Of course I stayed later after maariv because I had to schmooze with some people, and by the time I got home the chicken was burnt to a crisp. I exploded. I basically started throwing a tantrum, punching things, throwing things, cursing, yelling... How my roommate is an idiot, how I'm an idiot for leaving the chicken in for so long, how G-d is not being fair (I was alone). I was SO upset about the chicken because I was really looking forward to that sauce, and I don't have any more pieces of chicken to cook, and it's late now anyways so I don't want to eat dinner any later. I became aware at that moment of something I have recently realized, through reading the daily chizuk emails and with the help of my therapist, that I don't really know how to deal with uncomfortable emotions, and when I'm upset the only thing I know how to do is throw a tantrum, and then I have to soothe myself, usually by acting out. And I didn't care. I just wanted to be upset. But then I thought to myself, what happens when one day iy"H I'll be married and my wife will burn a dish that I was really excited about. What will I do then? And then I thought to myself, relationships are more important than silly little things like food. So then I thought, why isn't my relationship with myself and with my G-d more important than this stupid chicken? Maybe this is what I need to learn right now. I don't know. I'm still pretty freaking upset, and I'm hoping that posting on the forum will help me calm myself, and maybe writing this and getting it out there can take the place of having to act out. Accepting life on life's terms sure as hell ain't easy. I still have all this angry energy.

Thank you for sharing!! That was very honest!!

I have learned that expectations are dangerous, they are explosives that are better left alone. If I have an expectation then I am allowing the opportunity for a disappointment to enter, and I have learned that I don't deal well with disappointment (notice that that is dis-appointment, as if there was an appointment that is being dissed)!

So I am learning to let go of expectations, in order to stay away from danger. I am not in charge of results and I can only do my best. When something doesn't go the way I though it would, I can look at the moment for what it is and deal with it accordingly.

It's great to be able to be in touch with others about our feelings, especially with others that will accept us without judgement and who understand us. SO keep on posting, and one day at a time, one decision at a time...KOT!!!

Hi and thank you for sharing.

I totally identify with your frustrations and resentments. You really have helped me, because here I am reading a story about very normal everyday things that happen in most people lives, with reactions which are so out of proportion, and realizing how that is me too.

Although t the end of your post you seem to make good progress in getting things back into their correct size.

I liked this line
avodas.hakodesh wrote:

Because today I am thankfully aware that no matter how much I am aware of this in advance, I am still powerless over that woosh of anger, frustration or resentment that the little things cause. However good I feel about myself now, however clear I am now about the correct proportion, will not help not feel the same way nest time the little things happen!

But I also thankful that today we have the tools to deal with those feelings and not act on those feelings.

So perhaps life doesn't suck really. Its just a matter of attitude.

May HaShem grant us another day of sobriety, sanity and serenity.

life sucks,
Let me share something with you if it does not apply don't be offended and you didn't say but with me .

the one big thing that got me looking into my journey was since i to would just lose it over things that didn't go the way i wanted i began looking at my self and the biggest thing i could see was that i had a porn and mast addiction (i had known this for a long time ). Some thing told me it was making me feel guilty and that was some of the problem plus turning me into my self where i was all that mattered (and it was true i would schedule my time with my addiction in it and if any thing got in the way of me satisfying the or getting my fix id go off )

so since i am more calm not so up tite i roll around much better and i am in my 21st day of being clean i see things a lot differently AMAZING what i didn't see

ewards

All of us get stressed, especially me who is an angry teenager...it seems that confronting and dealing with this addiction will also help deal with anger and stress and vice versa so keep on going

IthamarGYE wrote:


Ithamar, has Fortify helped you?

Is the teen thread helpin' at all?

b'hatzlachah

Dear AH,

I applaud your honesty. As Pidaini mentioned, expectations lead to anger. Anger can actually be put into a formula. Anger = Reality < Your Expectations. So when your expectations are too high, reality is often less than that and the result is anger.

I struggled and still do struggle with anger. Apparently, from one Chizuk email I read from here, so did the Chofetz Chaim (although he never expressed it outwardly at anyone).

Its hard work building your belief and conviction that Hashem is running the world. But thats what we Jews believe. Not only that, but he's running every detail for a reason and its always for the very best. The key with these ideas is fully understanding them. What is "for the best"? Well that depends on understanding our purpose here in this world. we are supposed to get to know Hashem, talk to Him (thru prayer), understand Him thru living a life of Torah and mitzvot, to be his ambassadors for the rest of the world and revela His glory to them.

When life is going well, human reaction is to ignore Hashem. we think look how smooth everything is going, I must be doing everything right. We stop talking to Him. Even when we're not doing everything right. so Hashem has no choice but to send us some trial or tribulation to get your attention. Look at most of the guys in recovery. To stay sober, requires that each day they pray in their own words to Him for His help in staying sober thru the 12 steps. So even their addiction was for the very best because it brought them closer to Him!

Try this the next time your chicken is burned: say "Thank you Hashem for this burnt chicken. Although I don't understand why You burnt it, I fully believe it was for the very best reason. Thank you also because this little inconvenience also stood as a kapara for some transgression I must have done and rather than punishing me fully, you just burnt my chicken. Please help me to stay strong in my belief that You're running the world for the very best and please help me find something else to eat. Thank You."

I only mean to help. If you find this line of thinking intriguing, try reading "The Garden of Gratitude" by Rav Shalom Arush. (BTW, its ok to feel pain, annoyance, frustration at whatever the thing that went wrong is. You're supposed to. You're just not supposed to act on it poorly. You're supposed to remember who it came from and be happy about it anyways)

Hatzlacha!

I completely relate to what you wrote. A similar instance happened to me today where I wanted something to go my way but it didnt end up going my way. I was upset and trembling and MAD AT LIFE AND MAD AT GOD AND MY LIFE WAS FALLING APART but then i moved on and somehow the problem fixed it self.

Sometimes we just gotta take a deep breath and try to calm down. This is where reaching out comes in! I have been helped so much by other guys here. I just text/call them my problem and they help me realize its not a problem and life is actually good!

Remember that recovery is a progress and considering the circumstances you actually did very well! In fact, I am very impressed. You were aware. You started thinking. Usually we just act on impulse: "what I want right now." But you were thinking otherwise.

So definitely some good points in you're story. Perhaps next time reach out to someone and take a 5 minute time out from the situation. Just excuse yourself and try to regroup and then reassess the situation.

KOT!

Thanks everyone for the chizuk!

great stuff!
by far worth a lot more than a piece of chicken
thanks

Thank you "kilochalu" for that post.

It was something that I was not aware of - to be thankful that we all grew from the situation.

May HaShem grant us the willingness to accept His will one day at a time.