Im struggling....I continue to struggle, but it never really engrossed my day, my thoughts, porn was always something I could just kind of go to after a long day, and be done with shortly after... Of course the feeling of a double life is something that tore me apart, but the next day I was ready to try again. There were bad weeks and there were good weeks, improvement came slowly, and I'm still on my way to really rid myself from the shmutz. Ive made my smart phone completely kosher (only email access), and have signed up for webchaver. Im ready to stop, but for some reason certain things keep coming in the way... for example:

I recently moved into a new apartment with a couple of roommates. Baruch Hashem, with little ability to access any shmutz on any devices I was feeling good! Until I looked out the window of my bed room...and saw a new challenge in the building over with a little too much openness and a very small awareness of the need to put some blinds up in her apartment...

It's been two days, and there's been a huge turn for the worse. Every second it's now a fight. My mind is completely torn, and it seems impossible to break this one. I have no idea how to overcome this...

My mind moves back and forth, and certain realizations are experienced throughout the process, I know this is a challenge, I know Hashem doesnt give me a challenge I cant beat, I know I dont want to live my life staring pathetically out a window hoping to get a glance of something...But I also know that it's much easier to type these things anonymously than actually beat this huge nisayon...

So. Anyone have any tips?

צדיק כתמר יפרח wrote:


Of course things keep coming in the way! That's because you are "ready to stop"!
the more progress you make, the more of a "threat" you are to the YH. So the more hurdles he'll put in your path.
I'm sure youve heard famous analogy, "life is like a bicycle - if it's hard you know you're going UPWARD!".
And I think we can add to that; "and The harder it gets to progress, the higher you are on the hill".




צדיק כתמר יפרח wrote:


Take another ACTION!
You have already dealt with your phones, and added webchaver, KOL HAKAVOD!!!
Now you need to continue the action!
How about putting up blinds on YOUR windows, and if you already have them, maybe you can put up a little reminder, [even something that only you will notice] next to the blinds, so that when you're about to open them to look out, you think to yourself, "Caution - Dangerous intersection ahead!'.

May Hashem be with you and give you tremendous Siyata Dishmaya to stand up to all your challenges.

KUTGW,
but most of all KEEP UP THE ACTION!!

I actually had a similar experience...well not me, but my neighbors didn't realize that their window is directly across windows of the adjacent building allowing the people of those apartments to look in.

Quick Idea, write up an anonymous letter, saying something like you were visiting an apartment and noticed this problem, and you realized that she hadn't noticed it, so you are letting her know.

Drop the letter in her mail box (you should be able to figure out the apt number) and watch everything change!!

Keep us updated on your progress!!

YES! I HAVE: Skep's tips

צדיק כתמר יפרח
This is EXACTLY how we have to feel about recovery. No matter what happened, even 3 minutes ago, we must be ready to try again! So do a 360 and use that for recovery!

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all so much for responding! Just knowing that there's a community like this is a big help...

Ive been trying to figure out tactics on how to beat it, I like the dropping the letter in her mailbox, for now though it's still just so difficult to just say "stop." I feel like it's not about what I'm actually looking at, it's more of a curiosity/newness to the whole thing...and that is something that is very difficult to beat...

hi tzaddik,
i think your feelings are very normal, i also feel that way when the yetzer GRABS you. especially when he adds that curosity/newness. my friend, every little push you can manage, even for a minute, is a victory, but remember the yetzer is out to KILL you, he doesn't like you, take stock, breathe in and out make a PLAN, any plan and fight!!

I relate a lot.

One of the main things I was after in all my porning history was that curiosity, it was burning!! How long did I ever really stay on one thing? I was always looking, searching for the next better, something different, some more oomph, and once I found that, I'd be looking for the next level.

Now I realize that it wasn't just in porn, my outlook of life was to be on a high, to find the new things, that awesome feeling. What I've come to realize is that I can learn to appreciate life no matter what feeling, or lack thereof, I have, it is just fine.

I still have that temptation to look for new things in life, but now the answer is "Enjoy the moment!! One moment at a time!"

SO put that letter in, and then you can work on the rest of the big picture, one thing at a time!!

KOT!! KOP!!

Pidaini wrote:


I once attended a series of classes by a famous madrich of chasanim and sholom bayis,
on the the topic of zivug, (bedroom).
Someone asked about "experimenting with different positions".
The Madrich pointed out [with detailed explanation and sources] that "curiosity" is the source of most Znus.
Ur so right Pidaini.
KOT! KOP! ODAAT! and all the rest of the great chizuk things they say in gye lingo!

[Pidaini, I just thought of a gevaldige' vort on this subject, but I still have to decide if it belongs here or in the BM, so I won't post it yet. ;)

friends,
if i may add my two cents, (maybe that's why i'm struggling financially )(i need all my "sense" even the common ones)( does anyone appreciate my humor?)(besides myself?)
it would seem that the curiosity isn't really curiosity. rather a kind of mask that the yetzer uses to sell you his !@#$%. (this is a subsitute for the worst word you can imagine) a very polite one, like "go on it's INTERESTING", and we fall for it!!(yeah that's interesting- how us intelligent beings actually go for his !@#$%.)

lavi wrote:


The worst word any GYE poster can in any way possibly imagine is "BAD WORD REMOVED" !!
(or is it kichsa??)

Pidaini wrote:



Shivisi Wrote:
[Pidaini, I just thought of a gevaldige' vort on this subject, but I still have to decide if it belongs here or in the BM, so I won't post it yet. ;)



SEE The VORT in the BM Section HERE:


https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/newtopic/13-BEIS-HAMEDRASH


(Did I arouse your curiosity?) :)

Curiosity definitely got the better of me too. My first exposure to internet porn came out of a curiosity to see if those magazines i remembered from my youth and hadn't seen in 10 years, had websites nowadays. When I became a yeshiva bochur internet wasn't yet such a household product.
Well what I discovered blew my mind away and the fact that of course they had websites (duh!!!) was nothing in comparison to what I revealed. I was opened up to a whole world that I never knew existed. (And wish I still didn't) It took me 8 years or so to disconnect for 90 days. Hopefully there is no going back again.
So yup curiosity is a killer.

lavi
unanumun


These quotes imply that curiosity is evil. I disagree. I think curiosity can be good. We just have to channel it in the right way. Curiosity about girls is definitely the yetzer but we can use this trait for good. For example we can be curious about Hashem's creation. Why is the sky blue? Look at those beautiful trees with those gorgeous leaves. Why do the leaves have lines on them? Why do mountains have valleys and peaks. Even for our human body: Why do i have eyelids? What are white blood cells? Why does skin do? What does my heart do? And so on.

So we have to learn how to decipher which curiosity we should be having and channel the "bad curiosity" to good use.

I gotta agree with dms1234. It's like midos. The orchos tzadikim wrote that there are no good or bad midos. The meaning of midos is measures. We need a certain measurement of each type of character trait. Being humble is good, but only in certain situations. Sometimes it's necessary to be loud and stand up for what's right. So, curiosity can be both good and bad, but it all depends on what the scenario is. For me, i got onto porn as a kid from curiosity to see what was so bad about the internet that everyone was going crazy. It couldn't be that bad, right? Seeing that I'm here in GYE today shows how wrong I was.

yeah guys, thanks for input
what your saying is quite obvious.
and you don't have to disagree with what was said, what we meant was specifically curiosity in the topic of lust, girls, and that kinda stuff.
and dms, listen carefully, although every middah has good sides and bad ones, there are certain middos, that just so happens to be, get overused for bad for SOME reason by 90% of the population. (sorry for being snappy, i'm just tired)