The craziest (amazing!)thing happened to me yesterday.
It happened because of a struggle of another kind which I have also been dealing with, (which I choose not to share here because its subject is completely unrelated to the sexual struggle,(other than maybe on a deep subconscious psychological level).
I had been enjoying a pretty strong resistance streak for about 2 months against the challenges of that struggle, and yesterday afternoon, when faced by a very strong challenge in that area I unfortunately "fell"!
As soon as it happened, I became extremely frustrated and angry with myself for breaking my resistance streak, and when I came home no 1 else was at home)I decided to "punish" myself for not holding my ground against the challenge.
For some crazy reason, in my self-hating fury, I decided that the appropriate punishment for this "crime" would be to destroy my 97 day SA sobriety streak by "acting out"!
I literally ran to my bedroom and flung myself onto my bed, and at that exact moment my cellphone rang. I looked at the caller ID to see who was calling, and I saw that the name of the caller was listed as a first name only. It was the name of one of the members of GYE whom I have been in phone contact with, and who's number I had entered into the contacts list of my phone.
By the time I answered the call the caller had already hung up. I called back and the caller, who was not the GYE friend, said that he had dialed my number accidentally. I then reminded myself that I had this caller's number listed with just his first name, and the gye friend, who had the same first name,I had listed with his first name followed by "guy" [I had purposely not put it as GYE, in case some1 happened to look through my contacts list).
Realizing the situation I was in, I decided to call my GYE contact. A recording said that "the party is not available" so I began thinking about posting my situation on the GYE forum.
I got a picture in my mind of posting a thread under the "TAPHSIC" section, sharing with everyone the "penalty" which I had set for myself, that if I fall I would penalize myself by acting out!!!, thus knocking me down from "wall of honor" status back to "day 1".
Suddenly the absurdity of this idea struck me, and I began realizing how obviously ridiculous this was.
I quickly got up from my bed, and decided that in spite of my fall in the other area, I would just "bounce back up" and "Keep on Truckin'" in both areas!!
Thus I was saved, both from the "punishment" of acting out, and from the closest I have ever come to falling in my SA struggle since I have joined GYE.
Thank You Hashem for sending me that "Wrong number at just the Right time", and thank you GYE and all my GYE friends for "being there" for me, (even when you weren't available).

Baruch Hashem! Wow incredible.

Perhaps next time, call some one during the doubt. Remember: "when in doubt, reach out!"

dms1234 wrote:


The problem in that particular instance was that there wasn't really any "during the doubt" time, I was in such a frustrated fury that I was not thinking at all, and only by sheer Siyata Dishmaya, that my phone rang exactly in the heat of the moment, did I begin to think at all about reaching out.

shivisi
So prepare for the next time you are in a "frustrated fury" what you will do. Will you call a friend? Go for a run? Take a chill pill?

I know you think i am crazy. How can we prepare for a time when we aren't thinking? Meh, try it. See if it works. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. Give it a try. Perhaps if you do it five times you'll start getting a thought to call someone.

I completely agree with DMS1234! Imagine that it's like a game of basketball. You spend a lot of time before games practicing for hours different moves, and how to deal with the opposing team. This prepares you fro when it';s game time, and you're under a lot of pressure, and it may be hard to think straight. But if you practice enough, the moves come naturally to you. You're problem happens to me too, where I'll feel like I complete;y forgot everything I ever learned on this website. It can be so utterly frustrating! But, I've learned that the more I "practice" and get ready for upcoming battles with the yetzer hara, the fewer times I "blank out" on the stuff I learned here. Personally, I have stuff that I say to the yetzer hara, and a tefilla to Hashem that I can say when hit with temptation. It's not easy, but it helps a lot. You've come so far, and you have so much potential. Keep strong, and keep posting!

Thank you DMS and ShomerBro.

shomer bro wrote:


I liked your moshol of the basketball game [SB], but I think there might be an added problem in my case, because when you practice the "moves" for a basketball game, and then your in the game, at least you are aware that your in the game, so that your previously practiced moves can come into play, but in my case I found and find myself in a situation where I don't even realize that I'm in a lust addiction game situation, so that my practiced moves can "kick in".