I have been through the first stage of trying to figure out where I am holding.
After some strong replies from several people here, I have been made to realize that I DO have a real problem.
As long as I wasn't home, I thought that I wasn't so bad. But once I came back to my normal routine, I have now realized that indeed I am a lust addict. I have come to realize over the last twenty-four hours, that even in regards to my wife, it is mainly a lust drive and a selfish desire that has been pushing me. It is not about connecting, (although sometimes it is, but only when it progresses naturally by itself,not when I am initiating)It is not about making my wife happy. Yes I try to make sure she is happy, successfully in fact. Yes, I am only thinking about my wife and no fantasies beshaas maaseh.
But nonetheless, it is more often coming from my desire for lust (even if it is kosher). AS i think back through my years of marriage, perhaps there were times where I had less of a problem and times that I had a more serious problem.
There were times that I didn't even touch a computer and there were times where I couldn't pull myself away. But the more I think about it, the more I see that it was all dependent on how easily I was able to satisfy my lust in a kosher way.
Sure when I first got married, there were no problems because newly married love birds with no pressures is the perfect ingredient for constant fulfillment of a desire for lust. but as things became more intricate, pregnancies, after birth, children, lack of sleep, etc. the ups and downs were a direct result of my desire for lust.
access to the internet after several years of marriage, didn't really make things worse, they just added an extra guilt trip of reiyos asuros beside zera levatala. maybe the frequency changed a bit but the yesod hadevarim was unchanged.
So now that I have come to this realization, and the realization that yes, I must follow the lead of those that have been successful and not chart my own course, where do I go from here?

Great post! I'd recommend starting with the handbook. See what helps. Post here, as you are doing already. You can join an anonymous phone conference if you like as well. Connecting with people is important. Stay out of isolation. Stay busy.

Listen to others, but ultimately, you have to find the way that works for you.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!

I starting going through the handbook. In fact it was part of what helped me come to my realization.
But I feel like I need to pinpoint a distinct next solid action to do. Like when I started out here, I downloaded a filter for my laptop (everything else was already filtered) i signed up for the emails, I signed on to the 90 days chart. All this helped me to get to where I have come.
Now what? just work on the 12 steps. slowly change my perspectives?
I am having a hard time finding the next one solid step.

maybe join a phone conference.

I think different things seem to work for different people.
- Reading (This site and all the links on it telling you what else to read)
- Phone Conferences (listed on the site)
- In person meetings
- Learning / self reflection / Mussar
- Therapy
- Chatting with people from the site.

Its all about the same goal. To change our warped thinking... a bit generic but hope that helps. Recognizing the problem is the first and very big step!

For me, chatting with people on the site has been incredible important. Simply chat with someone in the chat bar and you never know where it'll end up. i have met amazing people from the chat bar!

I think you should pick one thing to work on. One of the biggest reasons for me was stress because I procrastinate in School, so i started working on that. Do you know of any underlying issue that you can address. The important thing is to pick only one thing and it should somehow relate to recovery. It could even be get up in the morning to daven Shacharis, if you struggle with that. As long as you think it will help you!!

I think I finally got it....again....round 2!!!!!

Four and a hakf months ago, I discovered gye and was introduced to the concept of sex addiction and of lusting being the source of my issues (As can be seen in the first post of this thread)
I debated with myself for a while whether i was addicted. I decided that I wasn't.
I realize now that indeed I was not addicted to acting out. I was not addicted to watching porn. I was not addicted to sex. I had a problem of lust and I have been able to get these things under control over the last few months.

But now as I have moved on to dealing with my Shmiras Eynayim, I am discovering that apparently I am indeed addicted to lust.
I guess all the stuff about one day at a time, surrendering, 12 steps has found its place in my life. In a sense I feel like I am starting my journey again from scratch.

so there you go I think I FINALLY got it....again

unanumun wrote:


Do we have a "tzumdritimal"?

ummmm
I am not sure I got it

But in all serious, perhaps this was a good reminder.
Yes, I have been clean for over a year.
Yes, I have not had an urge to masturbate in a very long time.
And yes, my marriage has completely changed around. Itimacy is based on just that most of the time. And when things don't happen for a few days, so be it. I am absolutely fine.
And yes, I have not watched porn in over a year and don't usually have an urge to.

But on the other hand, I think I still have a lust problem, just that it is not expressing itself in the ways it used to.
I still can find myself looking at women, and although I have not watched porn and if something close to that would pop up on my computer, I would shut it right away, but still I have not gotten back to my level of shmiras eynayim that i was on when i was a bachur.
I don't have a problem with looking at pictures of women in the random secular magazine that comes across my hands (like in the waiting room of the mechanic shop) or on "clean" youtube videos. Nor with women in the street.
And of course once I start falling into the youtube watching, any time that the recommended videos on the side recommend something that has a bit of a racy lean to it, I will find myself moving the mouse to click on it. sometimes I do and sometimes I don't (I don't think that it has been anything bad enough to be counted as a fall - and at least most of the time not even a slip)
So yes, I guess I got it again I still have a lust problem. Baruch Hashem with His help and the help of GYE and the oilam it is no where near as bad as it was when I first came to GYE. But yes, it is still there.
Thank you for the reminder and I will try to move on the next stage of dealing with it.

Maybe you're just normal.

unanumun wrote:


Itimacy meaning in Hindi :

Get detailed meaning of ITIMACY in Hindi language.This page shows Itimacy meaning in Hindi with Itimacy definition,translation and usage.This page provides translation and definition of Itimacy in Hindi language along with grammar, synonyms and antonyms.
Answer of question : what is meaning of Itimacy in Hindi dictionary? Itimacy ka matalab hindi me janiye (Itimacy का हिंदी में मतलब )

Tags: Hindi meaning of Itimacy, Itimacy meaning in hindi, Itimacy ka matalab hindi me, Itimacytranslation and definition in Hindi language.

what una really meant:
itimacy under the 5th Principle of Cordiology: swap tea for coffee = icoffeemacy, buy the vife a coffee maker at Macy's, during the winter, when people are more dressed, cause they are on sale, and you can use the money you save for a Hindi dictionary and by that time you will be halfway to your next sobriety anniversary, which is a good time to drink Smirnoff

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


You know that i always like my coffee "more dressed."

Speakin' of stress
I mean dress
I'll have an express (o)
Of which i obsess
I should drink less