Your Taphsic and shvuah thing seems a bit of a joke, actually. II just don't get it. Do you? It really sounds like a gimmick to feel like a person is doing something about it. But recovery is about accountability to G-d and your own integrity, without gimmicks. You are obviously a great guy and sincere. You are telling the truth here, and hurting a lot from your behavior.

But are you cultivating the kind of real honesty and integrity here on an anonymous forum that is working for you?

i have texted friends in the past few weeks about my issues; my wife does not want me doing this anymore.
i hear what u are saying - and i would 100% go to a meeting of guys like me (addicts)if I was able to.

- by texting friends I mean friends I know in real life - not just GYE guys... I have been meaning to meet with them one - on - one - but it has not worked out yet.
- also, taphsic wasn't just a gimmick - i started it like 2 weeks ago and I meant it for real. Since then, I was clean for 2 weeks until yesterday. So I guess I sort of forgot about it - cuz I did not really need it.

You meant it for real, but I think sincerity that is using weak tools will still fail. That's all I mean by 'gimmick'. It's not anything about you.

I can also understand fully (a few reasons) why your wife would not want you to be texting guys for your recovery. But is she ok with you masturbating yourself or using porn for your comfort? Probably not. It would be a pity if putting an end to the thing she can control (your texting for recovery) makes way for the thing she cannot control (your porning or masturbating).

But perhaps that reality would be a very painful thing for her to accept, even if you are not an addict.

Or perhaps I am completely misreading your situation!

Either way, A gitteh nacht, good chaver!!

idk - i have to think more about your points..... on another note, not to get to philosophical (we've gone there many times in the past)but I just wanted to get your opinion on clean days....
what are they? - a temporary respite? a fleeting moment of tzidkus that tricks and deludes us? just the YH getting a breather and nothing to be particularly proud of? OR is it an infinite victory, a step in the right direction, a euphoric day of health and rejuvenation? OR is it somewhere in the middle?
BTW I had a clean day today....
PS - I have a guess as to what you will say:
a) It does not matter. One day at a time, anyway.
b) it means you got out of the way and let God help you.
But the problem with b) is that - 2 days ago I ALSO thought I sufficiently let God take over a s I got out of the way - what did I do? I g-chatted a GYE guy that I wanted to do something bad and he "talked me down" .... BUt then a couple hours later I completely fell.... what happened there? Did I not do enough?

The "one day at a time" motto is not mere words; it is an attitude that must penetrate into the deep recesses of your brain and heart.
We cannot expect perfection in recovery...especially if we are addicts, or even if we were doing repetitive behavior for many years.
We need to take action that will work for us.
Some actions we will realize do not work for us.
Every time that we score (in a good way) makes it easier the next time.
Do not spend time thinkin' if the ups and downs helped you or not. That is for someone else to decide - if at all. The only thing you need to focus on is the moment before you. Many of us keep repeating the same thing....it is for ourselves and for others an integral part of recovery.
This is why this site is not about teshuvah.
Teshuvah is all about charatah al ha'avar and kabbalah al ha'asid.
That is all fine and dandy, but it is usually not the successful tools of recovery for an addict.

b'hatzlachah

Hi strugglinguy. Have we ever spoken on the phone? If so, have we ever discussed whether you may be an addict or not? And BTW, I am the last guy who would try to convince any guy he is an addict. But just curious.

And what was your conclusion when you wrote your sexual acting out history clearly and explicitly on paper (not a computer) and read through it: from the first time you discovered the sweetness of porn or erotica, to all the things you have done to get it and keep it over the years, the first time you had sex with yourself, and through the last time you used it when you really did not think you wanted to? If you have not done that, then you are just calling when in trouble, just trying to get 'talked down', and that is all just: trying to feel better. Not trying to change. Not work, just 'make it go away'. In other words, much of what happens here on GYE.

Most of what us guys do is actually just jumping through whatever hoops necessary to get some precious relief from the 'bitter' struggle - as long as we do not really have to do anything that means real change. Guys will do anything to not change. Anything.

Hours and hours of philosophizing, hundreds and even thousands of dollars donated through Taphsic, shvuos and nedarim, virtual shaming by coming here and admitting to a whole cadre of virtual people that they 'fell last night' (whatever that means)...all just to get the relief without any real cost.

That's why people do rarely use their real names, rarely meet face to face for recovery, rarely identify themselves openly with safe people to take real steps making real relationships for recovery, and rarely tell the truth to anyone real in their lives - only fake people. (And when they do open up, it is to their poor wives, who's shame is even greater than theirs - so they know their secret is safe with her! Gevalt, cruel.)

But you - you are taking real steps, I feel. So:

...what do you say about yourself when you write and share your history with at least yourself? Let's focus on that before we get into the entire issue of what a sober day means, or what it means when you feel right one day and act out the next, or what 'progress' exists if it is really one day at a time - and other choshuveh (but useless) conundrums.

Hope that was useful. It was only meant for you and your question and not what I'd just write to anybody. Ask a heartfelt, sincere question, get a heartfelt and sincere answer...

- Dov

I just fell - I will spare the details because it's all the same BS.
Ya, Ya I feel like a loser, etc. No I don't - I need this fix every week.
I need to follow dov's advice, now.

I am back on site after being off for 4 months.
Figured a good thing to do before Yom Tov.
Masterbated Thursday while watching teasers on my phone.
No other excuses - Thursday is an "off" day for me - I need to be out of my house alone -- exercising, in the Beis, anywhere but in my apt.

Welcome back
it sure is a good thing to come back.
How have you been?
What actions in recovery have you taken durin' this hiatus?
What has worked?
What hasn't?

Lookin' forward to get to know you again; there were some good conversations on this thread in the past.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome back!!!

Whats going on? How have you been?

Welcome back!!

Keep on coming back, or even better, don't leave!!

welcome back to you, too, amigo!

Welcome back!

How will this time be different? How will you break the cycle? Perhaps do some reaching out to the guys here. Get connected! The forum is minimal compared to chatting with guys!

dms 1234 - i sent u a gchat invite - look for it.