You didn't ask, but...



It sounds to me that you simply have not suffered enough pain from your lack of self-control. I wish you no pain c"v, but it seems to me that whatever pain you have had is just not enough to help you take this seriously - perhaps it has only been private and theoretical pain. Philosophic pain. Like the horrible guilt and the idea of gehinom, etc.

And of course, in the long run, all that stuff proves useless to pretty much all the people here - for they are still here, still falling, still looking for the magic bullet. 'More chizzuk may do it, no?'

Private emotional pain is not useless in terms of getting a person's attention or getting one to post here. It's great for that. And for so many people, the first step towards getting freedom was posting here! Boruch Hashem for GYE! But see how for most of them, it cannot end with that. The guilt that brings us here just does not get us to actually do something that solves the problem. The vehicle stalls at this comfy level. The battle remains respectable by being called 'a fight against the yetzer hora', and the many who keep falling back, remain bewildered.

And they quietly, slowly slip away...as you did. And most never return for the same roller-coaster ride. Too shameful. Who can blame them?

Most guys who come here and yet do not get better, obviously need more than just posting here. They need to be doing something that is far more real than hiding behind a computer using a fake name and writing shakla v'taria with people who (for all practical purposes) do not exist in their lives.

So you have come back. That's great - and I remember you, too! But what now?

I think it's great that you took a vacation from GYE, but just notice how you just disappeared w/o any result - and how you just came back when you liked - poof! WE all may really care and sincerely try to help. But is this a true relationship - is there really any responsibility here? No. For you (and any of us here) can just disappear...and we often do! And that's really OK!

The relationships here may be very helpful in some respect and may be a great start, but they are not real enough, man. They are sweet relationships of convenience, and so: 'easy come, easy go'.

But if you get caught, get fired, or defamed publicly for doing the stuff you do in private, and the whole naked truth comes out to people who know you and love you - the realness will be there. The search for the most respectable, comfortable and convenient way out of this habit will suddenly end. Real measures will be taken.

And you will be fine with Hashem's loving help, as many are, one day at a time!

What a welcome back you are getting...sheesh...