strugglingguy wrote:


So you can't daven for the women in shul who you worship a bit...or maybe more than a bit?

Huh?

You can daven for the shiksah because you aren't attracted to her...um...what's that got to do with it?

I don't get the difference with davening for the pretty, frum women, because you easily look away and are not attracted by the puertoRican women. What is that relevant to? The point of what I shared about prayer for them is referring to the women you and I are attracted to. What does not being attracted to shiksas have anything to do with that?

Please clarify my mushed brain on this one, chaver. If you want to.

I had to re-read

not sure 100% what I meant.

I guess what I mean is that unlike shiksa's on the street whom I can look away from (and the davening for them won't even come in to play bec. I will not fantasize abt them anyway) and will never see again anyway - the girls in shul will be there week in and out and much harder to avpoid seeing.

that being said, yes I can daven for them too, of course.

Are you davening for the good of the pretty, young, frum women you worship and lust after or aren't you?

If you are, then great. It will work, if you really want to surrender your fantasy with them.

But if you have not been praying for the objects of your lust, then might that mean that you prefer to struggle with them and not just give them up? It is more fun to struggle with them, as the Kotzker used to say, even if you win the wrestling match with a muddy man, you still get covered with mud. Nu. If it's assur and you know you can't go all the way with her, at least it preserves some sexual erotic pleasure to 'struggle' with the 'yetzer hora'. Get my drift?

This is what the SA guys mean when they talk of 'surrender', and of 'living in the solution instead of in the problem'. Things many of us just can't seem to 'understand' - not because of lack of intelligence, but because we are terrified of the prospects of really giving it up.

Dov wrote:
[/b]
Ayn Hachi Nami!!! Great post!. I can't even imagine what my life would be like without Lust.pretty boring to say the least! where would i get my excitement from... it's overwhelming to let get of "my friend" lust who I will admit is truly my mortal enemy.
Yes, lust is attempting to rob me of all the good in my life and destroy me.
but I still persist in entertaining it. Is it that insanity?????
Yes,I would love to be happy joyous and free and "to live in the solution" but am so used to living in the problem,I forgot that I have an alternative.

strugglingguy wrote:


I think that's the point. Daven for them but don't worry about doing it from.the heart. Act as if you really care about their happiness and well being. It's phony at first, but pretty soon you start finding reasons for why they do deserve your tefilah.

was away for a while on a summer program. mstrbtd once, i beileve, so in that sense, it was good for me to be busy and not have opps. with my phone.

now i am back home and had a fall yesterday - looked at some stuff on my phone. wife found out and is not happy... hopefully, IYH will install quostodio with skeptical's help ... and that will help me account for what i go on ...

let me know what u guys are doing to help urselves ..

I'm doing my best to focus on being there for and engaging with other people and especially my family. I'm also doing my best to engage in life. When I'm being selfless, seeking to benefit others, honest, trusting in my Higher Power and living positive sobriety there really is no reason for the selfish act of masturbation. It's not even in the equation. When I'm being even a little selfish, self seeking, dishonest and afraid I start to get into trouble. The knowledge or self awareness of this fact does little to nothing to help me. I have to engage in the actions of a sober man for the benefit of others on a constant basis.

strugglingguy wrote:


Welcome back
I'm working the steps.
Phone conference four times a week.
Therapist once a month.
Post and engage others.
Talk to God every so often (not as frequent as I should).
Constantly busy with fellows.

And you?

....Talk to God every so often (not as frequent as I should).

quote]
Great Post Cordnoy! How inspiring!

My wife has been difficult lately to say the least. she has been bitter and aggravating towards me. she is also now in nidda. (perhaps the two are [biologically] connected).

anyway, I was home today alone - always danegrous. i texted my gye friend that i was gnna watch P, and e said it is not worth it. I listened to him for a while.. i ate lunch, listened to a shiur, etc. but then I couldn't handle it anymore and went repeatedly to read, watch and act over the course of a couple hours.

i thought of YK during the act and still went forward with it.

"am i an addict or a rasha?", I texted the same gye friend ... another guy said to hang in there, etc. . i am also talking live to a 3rd guy in a little bit.

not sure what i can do to help myself. i have ability and urge to get ard any filter when i want to.

thx for listeneing.

You are definitely not a rasha.

strugglingguy wrote:


we read on the call today some signs or indicators of an addict:
1. tolerance - does one's desires get stale and he needs to escalate?
2. (attempted) abstinence - have we tried stoppin' many times?
3. Withdrawl - do we feel it physically or emotionally (or both) when we are not usin' our drug?

so, what d'ya think?

b'hatzlachah

We're Crazy Not Evil.

this is the tile of a speech given by a frum yid named Henoch at an SA convention several years ago.you can listen to a recording by calling the SA(ESH)Recordings Hotline(253)243-2945. Enter Pin 1552 press 2 for SA, press 2 for Henoch. press 1 for his speech.

From my experience,we must accept the disease model otherwise we are paralyzed by guilt(unhealthy type) & shame which causes further acting out.

Thanks for the info. I hope to listen to it.

thx for the link I will check it out IYH.

slipped up today after a couple clean days.

relationship with wife BH improving a little .. 4th anniversary tomorrow IYH

moving next tuesday out of state