in DBT, they don't like the usage of the word "but."

I have had a good week so far, Baruch Hashem.

looked at porn last night and avoided the CE app so i wouldn't get caught
i had a few good weeks (due to Pesach)
i need to remember to turn the wifi off of my phone when at home
not much else to say
good shabbos
SG

Keep on chugging, you can do it.

thx for your chizuk.
did it again today for about 15 mins.
deleted the app (espn radio) that got me to twitter.
now doing grad school work.

I did it outside my apt. - meaning i didn't violate my rule about wifi at home; it was "something else".

The guys are wonderful and giving you chizuk

but c'mon now - what steps are you prepared to do(changes in your approach) to begin your journey of true sobriety?

Im Ain Ani Li Mee Li? Im lo Achshav Aimasai?

You can do it!

Thanks YS. I need to do some soul-searching, you are right.

A few short moments ago I used my phone to look at p*** and then mstrbtd for first time in a while. I used a non covenant eyes app and accessed the web thru that. I forgot my rule about wifi off in the house. (it does happen to be during nidda, but I will not focus on that).
I have now deleted all non-covenant eyes apps
do i sound pathetic? yes.
what will happen next? not sure.
i keep davening for help, keep informing my chaverim about my struggles.

Thanks for your honesty. Some addicts have found that we pray only for the knowledge of God's Will for us and the power to carry it out. (Obviously in addition to regular davening).

Dov has some particularly good insight about this pattern, which amounts to choosing temporary fixes (he likens to running ahead of a train) verses dealing with the foundational issue (which he likens to simply stepping off the tracks). I don't remember if it's in one of his emails, or from one of the threads, but it's definitely worth a read.

There are no universe filters, unfortunately, and ultimately, if you've decided to act out, and that's your goal, you have the ability to find a way to achieve that. The problem is the inability to really let go and let HaShem take control (which is by no means easy). But the degree of your success in recovery is the degree to which you're able to do this.

Thanks. I will think about that. What exactly does one do in recovery, though ?

Today I anticipated that I would find myself at home alone so I texted a gye chaver and told him to check in with me. Turns out I stayed outside the apt. til my wife came back.

One thing you do in recovery is be honest which you have been. I wouldn't call that pathetic, I'd call that commendable. Also honesty goes beyond telling on myself when I act out. Honesty is when I look at my life and see how I'm causing the stress in it. Honesty is looking at the people I have hurt and making amends with them, expecting nothing in return from them. Honesty is when I make a list of my fears and seek a solution to them. Honesty is when I'm honest with other people.

Hatzlacha!

just wanted to say hi & wish u hatzlocho in your recovery process.
i too could be called pathetic,based on my sobriety record. But,that is our disease taking over. We don't fail until we stop trying. In other words,Sheva Y'pol Tzadik v'Kam,the Tzadik falls but he gets up afterwards and keeps learning from his past.

The term, "day by day," gets thrown around a lot here, and I think, has kind of lost its meaning. However, it's a very important principle, especially for those getting down on themselves about "sobriety streaks."

If you're having trouble racking up days, try shifting your focus away from the big count, and worry about staying clean for the day. Sure, use the 90-day application, but really keep it in the background as a data tool, something to look at every now and then. Success is measured in millions, but achieved penny by penny. If you're down about your streak, then not only is it not doing its intended function -- keeping you sober -- but it's also hurting your progress.

And if a day is too long a yard-stick, shorten it. The real victories here are intangible.

ok I hear u. Luv to hear some more positive feedback.My EGO is very hungry.