No offense chaverim, but please try to keep my thread set aside for my own issues

And what may that be?

SG...I'm not sure if I have your email, but it seems that the site is back live again.

message me your email

i lost my last couple posts here

thenewme613@hotmail.com

I am back from two weeks in Israel. Vacation/traveling with my wife- it was awesome.

I think I had one slip while I was there (she was away for the day). I told a friend of mine afterward.

Yesterday I looked at P***. It was late at night and I took my wife's iPod (she was sleeping) which does not have covenant eyes on it. I avoided the other computers which do have covenant eyes on them. (this is the problem - i need to keep her iPod away or just put on a CE browser and stick with that.)

I watched stuff on the couch and then suddenly she woke up; I quickly x'd out, hid the iPod, and later deleted the history. It was God's wake up call I guess; I will eventually get caught. My wife knows that I have an issue, but to have her "catch" me would not be good.

Should have reached out to someone. Feel like an addict to my desires, even though I think I am learning and davening pretty well. Have a good day.

Thanks for the share.
Addin' the filter there would be a grand idea.
Do you have a list of emails or numbers that you can contact others when such an issue arises? It would be advantageous.

b'hatzlachah

of course the wife needs a filter just like we do
thats what i think anyway
whats your opinion?

strugglingguy wrote:


If she knows you have an issue, it shouldn't be very hard for you to explain why she should have a filter on her iPod. Just do it.

Strugglin- your story about your wife's iPod -sounds all too sickly familiar. (in other words I relate so very well)Of course you are a good guy learning and davening. But you know once you start getting off the P____, you will have a much more wholesome feeling. You will begin to start really respecting yourself. Do what it takes to guard yourself and don't wait till lust starts to build and your rapidly fading guilt disappears.

IM LO ACHSHAV AYMOSAI

i have to run...but i ignore the covenant eyes browser on my phone when i wanna get to p*** - i did that today for a few hours, on and off. sadly it's too easy to bypass browsers, filters ...
my wife was away - i needed to relax and boom...
in the end i avoided mstrbtng. is that a win? or i shouldn't think of it like that ...
plz help, daven for me. divise a plan for me.
it's too overpowering sometimes.i knew i shudve texted someone beforehand but i decided not to ...moving on now to something else. getting out of the house and meeting my wife.

have you tried qustodio on the phone?
Skep does a Helluva of a job with that.
Ultimately, between our eyes in our head is the filter.
what else have you done?

b'hatzlachah

So strugglin how badly do you want to get away from this porn thing?

Think about it. Say it to yourself when your alone. All people with addictive-like issues have a different rock bottom.
Have you reached it? Do you need your wife to actually catch you watching P or perhaps Rachmana litzlan M ------ing before you hit rock bottom?
The first step is the realization that you have had it. That there is no life with P and M.
Such self-abusive activity is all a bluff that will only lead to a downfall. - a painful one at that.
If you are at that place then you are ready to create a workable program for yourself.

Now:
A man that gives shiurim can read the handbook and get a lot out of it. (unfortunately many of us/ like yourself are successful in other areas of avodas Hashem even though we have fallen in the porn area. but don,t kid yourself the porn affects - as you mentioned- the neshama in a major way- you cannot be a true eved hashem as long as the porn card is a realistic option on the table)
As well, get active on the forum and ask your buddies on line, pointed questions.
The guys here are intelligent, well-informed,experienced and truly want to see you succeed.
I have gained the most by their counsel and caring.

Hatzlocha!

will quostodio help me from reaching stuff thru the APP STORE?! i bet not. cuz that's where I am at...

Thanks for your encouragement. I don't have any other plans of action, right now. what I did do though:

For a week, I was doing great. No phone in room at night - and I stuck to it, BH! (even tho it was hard a little to sit in bed with nothing to "do" or "listen to") until this afternoon.

I feel like playing catchup - next time it will be turn phone off on sun. afternoons when wife is away. but then ANOTHER opp. will pop up! and so on ....

I can go a week without it, but then - I feel that I need it, want it, love the excitement of the search for it... i don't want to trigger anyone so I will stop here ...

lets keep the convo going. ..

At your point you must counter this false infatuation with porn with the attitude/emotion of what it really is.
Strugglin - picture yourself from start to finish acting out. Searching the web for that which interests you etc. However picture it from the outside looking in. You are viewing yourself. Do you see how pathetic you look? like a hungry animal trying to find - what exactly? Do you see how truly nasty/ugly/filthy it is? Are you not embarrassed?
Like a little boy who stole a cookie you hope upon hope you are not caught in this dastardly act.
To me you have to really truly see it as it is. You have to come to the realization that this way of life is robbing you of more than your dignity. HACHAIM V"HAMAVES is in front of you and you are choosing- get it- you are making a decision - to take [i]MAVES[/i
You need this clarity to get to first base. You need to be motivated to change.