I am new to the forums. I have never posted anything before. I am one way to 90 days ... actually shabbos will be 90. I'm excited though I'm not sure exactly how to celebrate since it's sort of a private simcha
I was wondering how to continue fighting because as time goes on I see that I'm not watching p* or m* but I am still being pulled to look at woman in the street. It's as if since I can not get it in line so I'll see it live. What can I do? How do I battle this. I really want to keep my sobriety and not fall. It's like my brain knows always where to look. How do I protect myself?
Any advice would be appreciated.

WELCOME! Don't be a stranger.

First of all, it's not a private simcha, it's a simcha for all of us at GYE. Secondly, the preferred way to celebrate a simcha here is with Woodford. We can all make a lechayim for you tomorrow!

Finally, yes it's not an easy battle. 90 days is not the end. There are some great ideas in the handbook and on the forum. Use them. It is a lifelong struggle, but it should become easier over time.

Have a great Shabbos!

MAZAL TOV!

Trying hard - That is amazing news! Mazel Tov!!!

I drank a lechayim for you with Woodford this Shabbos!

Hi gibor 120. You seem not to have forgotten to check up on me! First of all I had an uplifting shabbos due to the fact that I got that reply right before. It really lifted me up. I didnt have woodford. like I said it was to close to go out and buy. I had glenlevit. It did the job

btw do you drink for everyone? That must be a daily drink.....

Anyways your interest in me is pulling me more towards the forum. I have seen you in all the areas and have gained a lot from your posts. They are very inspiring. I hope to become more active. But I really don't know where to start.

mazel tov tryinghard!
may these 90 days lead up to many many more be"h. remember its not over its just proof that you can do it. keep on fighting as if it was the first day speaking from my own history if you feel you did it you might fall c"v so just keep on working hard and hang out at gye.
kol tuv and mazel tov again

mr TH
You must have some strength to go the 90 days, and keep it a secret as well.
I did it twice, but not quietly.
Looking at women (especially a second time) can be triggering.
Try controlling once...it will provide ammunition for the second time.
There are those who say (and a fellow from SA also said this) that praying for the women at that time also is beneficial. This has never worked for me, but perhaps for you, it will.
It is also the knowing that we (many of us) are not capable ourselves to control our eyes, and we pray to the One Above to get thru this moment.
Ultimately, it is the thought "that remaining sexually sober is the most important thing for me at this precise moment" that will provide you/I/us the strength to hold back and not take that second look.

KODW!

b'hatzlachah

You might want to post a bit more about your specific issue. When did it start? How addicted are you? What are your main nisyonos?

Have you read the handbook? I like the pragmatic approach. Try something and see if it works. If it does, great. If not, maybe you need something more.

Just posting here and being part of the chevra can help a lot. You can PM some people here, and even exchange phone numbers. It can be a big relief to talk to someone with the same problem. Does anyone in your life know about your problem?

Keep posting!

Hi. I have been going at this alone. I am a man with out family. I have friends. But it's not the same. It's very hard to let friends in on this ( I'm sure you all can relate) now i have been first exposed to p*** 13 or so years ago. I have been watching on and off until about 3 years ago. At that point I started to live alone. So i was watching for 4-5 hrs nightly. When I got married I stopped watching.

That was About 1 yr ago.

Then the marriage went sour.

I then felt I had even more of a void to fill. I began to watch again. Finally about 95 days ago I couldn't stand the feelings after watching and m***. and I said enough is enough ... I came down very hard on myself and since then I have not watched or m**********.


Now like this. I really don't need p*** to M******* my mind is really good at this topic and can basically take anyone pretty woman and I would just " get excited ". And then act out.

So I am holding here now. I know it's about 13 yrs in 4 paragraphs but if you think I'll gain by saying more .... I'll be open to hear you.

Now my main pull today is that've know where woman frequent and I like find excuses to go there to. For example: Walmart, malls ect....

Even locally when I see a pretty woman it's hard not to "have a look"

I have been in pretty good control by not acting out at night but it's just not the ideal set up.... Doesn't chazal talk about bad thoughts durning the day led to Keri by night..... So what to do? I am not sure of I would be considered a full fledged sex addict. I just simply "love" woman....

Perhaps I am a self sex addict?!? I don't know ..

hi th !
the truth is why does it matter if you are or not a addict the point is to heal yourself from the bad stuff whether you are a addict or not you must take matters into your hands (which you are already starting) so keep up the good work.

Hi TH,

Lust is lust. Our goal is to be free of it as much as possible. A little lusting leads to uncontrolled binging. Have you read the handbook? There are people here that would be happy to speak with you on the phone. PM me if you are interested. You can also call one of the anonymous 12 step phone conferences.

If your whole plan is just to "try harder" I doubt you will have long-term success.

4-5 hours nightly for 3 years sounds like more than just a minor issue. When you were married, you said that you stopped. How did you stop so suddenly from 4-5 hrs to 0?

Mazal Tov on your successes thus far. That's very inspiring! May Hashem grace you with humility and clarity to know how to proceed.

gibbor said:
"If your whole plan is just to "try harder" I doubt you will have long-term success."

It can't be reiterated enough. Hatzlacha!

Gibor, I joined your lechaim this morning in shul when someone had a yaritzeit and brought woodford. I didn't make a mention aloud but I had it in mind;)

Between me convincing myself that it's not the right thing and I don't want to start a marriage off like that. I managed to stop. But when i got married little did i know but ironically she was a sex addict. So it was feeding me very strong. And I wasn't getting any better at my lusting. Now I was back to lusting again. But the past 3 months I've had an up and down drive. Being very in guard. Perhaps the concept of flatlining is applicable to me. I lost a lot of lusting for a while. But then it came back. I did read half the handbook in October. It did me well.

But I just feel like it's very hard to be on guard every time I go in the street. My job has no woman involved. But obviously I'm in the street and there is where the problem is. Then I would go home and act out. While I have not done it in 90+ days but I feel it constantly on My mind and it's like always bothering me that I constantly have to work on it. It's like I have no rest. And when I have free time I may want to spend it in a place where i may see a woman. Even now the last 3 months I have not acted out but I may have lusted. And that bothers me too. I'm still figuring out all these changes if emotions.

While I agree that trying harder is not a long term plan .... Then what is ?

I am posting here as opposed to the other thread where mevakesh was concerned about wasting time because I feel that where i am going was more in my personal direction and off the direction of mevakesh original post. but im writing as well to response to gibor and cordnoy



To gibor ( i don't know go how to make those fancy quote boxes)

For years Up until 90+ days ago I M* at least once a day maybe 3 times.... So i can say I obsess a nightly m*
But again now i have not and my sex drive isn't all over the place like it used to...... Yes I would look at a pretty woman but I'm not as obsessed that I come home thinking about her and acting out. Again i don't know if my life's craziness is causing my imbalance.....



Is the discussion of addiction condensed in one place that I can read it?

to cordnoy

I also had a streak of Approx 150 days but that didn't last. At the same time I don't feel yet that my entire life is lust controlled. Maybe because I didn't act out in a while ? But I still feel like perhaps I'm in control?? I don't understand the whole concept of I'm not in control? In a way I agree you cordnoy that I won't will forever just for today.... But I'm having a hard time digesting all these concepts... In a way I feel more overwhelmed with this constant work.... I guess it is easier not to work on it I don't know I'm very confused!