Last night I had a fall and I think I know what triggered it, depression. I have been down about things before, but this is different some how. I find myself lethargic about doing things. I've been sleeping in later than normal, finding it hard to get out of bed. I have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately. I have friends that are sick to include a mentor/teacher who has brain cancer. And in spite of my prayers more people seem to be getting sick. Note: this is on top of the normal stresses I deal with like problems at work etc.. It is in these past two weeks that I crumbled under the load though. That was triggered by a hurtful statement someone made. This person means a lot to me and when he said it, it cut deep. Now, I don't think he meant it the way it came out. I don't think he realized what he was saying. It crushed me and I just can't seem to let it go. I want to let it go, but I don't know how.
Something that this last fall brought to the surface is that I have been too independent about my recovery. I realized I'm still holding back. Another thing I do is I do not reach out for help when I need help the most. I have a guy in my SA group who has agreed to sponsor me, but he's out of town and can't start working with me until Feb. 5th.
