hi guys,
I am 17 years old. although i do not post much, i go on this site a lot lately. I started reading the SA material but i cannot even start the steps. I am unable to stop an urge once i have it.and i have an urge whenever i realize there is an oppurtunity to act out. I also recently realized that i tend to have an addictive personality. I eat fast and a lot and whenever I do not do that I feel very nervous and start to cringe, i do not overeat but i like to feel full.
Also i get nervous whenever a real slow person walks in front of me. I like to go fast and get where i have to go. I do not like waiting on other people. If i would have to take a longer route just to get around that person i would. Maybe these are real problems but i just am sharing because i feel that it shows i have a addictive personality.
I have filters but they are just so easy to find the cracks. the sites that have photos but are not blocked because they are not categorized as P**** sites.
I have never in my life m****** although i have been MZ"L. over the past 4 months i had access to real p*** only like 3 times. but besides for that i always find those bad sites.
I know that its good that i am starting young but i feel like i am not making any progress. I read stories on this site that people have "white knuckled" their way out of a struggle but I do not even understand how thats even possible.whenever i have an urge the only thing on my mind is trying to fulfill it I also read on the 90 days post people's success stories. People who have been addicted for 15 or 20 years are able to make it to 90 days or more without even a single fall. How is that even possible.i tried finding it but cannot find it now.I was reading the post and i was looking forward to see the fall, and how that person struggles but just didn't see it.
this is probaly important/ my parents are divorced since i am 7 years old. i was estranged from my father until last years, my mother claims ( i am not taking anysides) that he sexually abused my brother i only started talking to him last year, realizing how he is my father but now ive been realzing that he really is not well. He does really weird things and makes me feel weird. I continue to see im because none of my siblings do. itz very hard for me.
Please help me. i see a therapist and i need all the help i can get

I see a major case of negative programming here (the title says it all).

Believe it or not, we listen to and believe the messages we tell ourselves. If we are telling ourselves that we can't, you can be pretty sure that we won't be able.

Try giving yourself some positive words instead and see if that helps.

youre right i was upset at myself when i wrote it. ill tryh to be more positive

tract gutt, vet zyn gutt
Think good, it'll be good!

Join a 12 step call.

Love ya man!