Hi all,

As this is my first post on this website, I will start Bechvod Huachsanya.

GYE is a site who must exist. ITs like the Urei Miklat. Whenever you want Chizuk this is the place to go. We all know the story with King David when G-d told him that everything he created on this world is for the good of the people. The Internet was created by G-d. We can sometimes all ask, whats the good of it? It comes with so much Nisyonos and time wasting. "GUARD YOUR EYES" is the answer to that question.

My story in very short.

I am an addict and BH getting/being well one day at a time.
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My story with a little more details.

I am an addict since the day I figured out there such a thing as Moitzie Zera. My body found out of it and took this as its alternative to every problem coming its way. I was always thinking I am so good at dealing with problems, I am such an easy going person. In fact, I was, but it was replaced with something very sick and not a professional way of handling problems.

Of course, after each fall I was promising my self and G-d that it was the very last time it happened. I installed filters and spent hours to crack them. I cried in bad at night from bitterness looking at my situation. I was sometimes afraid to walk on the street at night being convinced that G-d will take care now of me once and for all and put an end to all this on his terms.

The double life was eating me alive but only from the inside. I couldn't find myself admitting it to anyone. As much as I wanted to get help and come out of my sickness once and for all to someone I can trust, I always refused to do it. I was scared I cant trust him, My spouse will find out. I went for help for other things where the consular wasn't successful at his job for the one and only reason. HE WAS NOT AWARE OF MY HIDDEN SICKNESS/ADDICTION which is the one and only reason to all the problems.

Finally, A few month ago, I mistakenly got this great website. I downloaded the handbook and read it in 2 days. I couldn't get enough of it. I felt I found what I was always been searching for. It got me sober for a week or so, until my first fall and another 2 falls. I gave up. A month later I got back on track. This time I took a sponsor but than Sukkos came and I lost contact with him for a week which of course let to another fell.

My addiction told me at that point that this whole recovery thing is not made for you. You are too smart to act so Babyish.

24 days ago! I started again with a power and will that came to me straight from above which I couldn't refuse it. I felt like G-d himself came down to me Lematah Me'asarah Tefachim and told me "Son, come back home to me, Just admit that you cant, pray to me everyday, and I promise I will help you one day at a time." I accepted the invitation and started again.

However, this time I did certain things differently.

I installed a filter that I would not be able to break as much as I would try.
I stopped completely watching movies.
I will NEVER be alone in my office or at any other place with FILTERED Internet.
I will say the Yom Tehilim.
I will Daven to Hashem every day with Kavana.
I will read EVERY DAY the Chizuk emails or a part of the handbook.
I will be talk to Hashem whenever I need something.
I will thank Hashem for everything he gives and does for me.
I will walk on the streets with my eyes to the floor.

BH so far its going very good one day at a time.

I will end with a Tefilah to hashem. I should be able to stay sober for the rest of my life one day at a time and be able to help others stay sober.

P.S. I am looking for a sponsor/partner to talk on daily bases on the phone.

WOW
u make u cry, reminding from my past
yes yes yes agree with u this is the place to be

me as a heimisher yingerman was in same situasion as you, and even worse, and b"h with the thing of a day at a time im today יום ה' פרשת וארא תשע"ד other clean sober day

ill copy u a link to my forum u can see that i was much worse then u and the thing whats keeping me is the Chizik from Anash.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/218586-A-Broken-Hearthed-Yingerman

will be in Touch
looking fwd to see u here daily

WELCOME Tzadik! It looks like you are doing a lot of great things. You are in the right place. It's great to have you with us.

I just read your story. I'm full with tears. I bh never got to that stage but it gives me lots of chizuk and got me thinking if someone in that position is getting out of it one day at a time I have no excuses and have to get out of this crap one day at a time.

I just want to wish you lots of hatzlacha and bracha. הבא לטהר מסייעים אותו hashem is with us. המתפלל בעד חברו הוא נענה תחילה it's so wonderful we can help each other on this site and in the same time get help for yourself. הבא ללמד ונמצא למוד. Just for your reply and to get to read your story and the chizuk was worth the few minutes I spent today from my time to write up my story. You are a real hero and a great soldior for hkb"h. It's a great chesed from hashem that he brought me to read your post

Welcome Tazdik!!!

You're story is all too familiar!! You have arrived at a safe haven, a place where people understand you, they are goinng through the same thing as you!!

Stick around!! Post away!! there is a lot to learn from all around the site!!

oh, and the main thing KOMT!!!!! (Keep on MOnster Trucking!!)

Thank you all for the chizuk. It means a lot to me.
I'm so new here and I really don't know where to start reading. I guess will get to know the site very soon

Welcome to GYE!

We're looking forward to getting to know you. As Pidaini has mentioned, on this site we are all able to relate to each other, because each of us have been in similar situations.

A great place to start is, Welcome, New Members!

Hatzlacha!

This is a great post... a true inspiration to me.

Hashem should grant you hatzlacha rabba in your efforts.

Have a great Shabbos.

Good morning Chaveirim.

I feel very down. I had a fall today after 29 days sober. I tried to be Mechazek myself but no luck yet.

I need gallons of Chizuk to start all over again. I don't know where to turn. A wish I can move back the clock with 2 hours. I feel the world turned on me upsitedown

Turn your truck back right side up, get back in and KOMT!!

Being frustrated with falling is a good motivation. Get up chaver and roll on.

You heard them, Fell Shmell!!!

You say you need chizzuk.....I found that the only chizzuk that really helped me feel better, was doing something about it, something more than I had done before.

What will it be? What will be different next time?

Good morning Chaveirim.

Thanks for the Chizuk. I did lock completely the internet on my phone. It was open but with a filter which I was unfortunately able to override.

I do feel important to write the thought that helped me get quickly back on track and not get down.

Hashem wants us to be sober every single day but one day at a time. Every time I walk on the street with my eyes to the floor, Every time I sit by the red light and I dont look around, Every time I had a Nisoyan and I hold back my self I did a great kiddush Hashem. Hashem was very happy with every single time I was strong. When I fall, of course Hashem is not happy, of course He wanted me to be strong that time as well. Unfortunately, I was not. I do have to start my 90 days from scratch, but it doesn't necessarily mean the past 29 days ended up in the trash bag. The 90 days is for my benefit that this Nisayon should be easier. Its just a pity for "me" that I have to start again 90 days, but the big picture is still that I was strong 200= times Vs 1 time that I wasn't. "I" am loosing my "90 days count" but I am not loosing my "Zechusim of being strong for 29 days". Therefore, I am not depressed nor down. I will move on and b"h be successful this time with the 90 days count.

Good day for all and stay sober for today.

Back to work...