I'm just going to throw out my story on the table don't really know if this will help but here it is.

I first saw porn on the internet when I was 9 years old a kid who was 12 showed me. In the beginning I was just curious but then it became an addiction I've tried everything to stop learning davening etc. and I'm never successful at the same time I am helping many people with learning and life I bring people closer to Hashem but still can't help myself. Every type of protection I find a way to bypass. I have considered suicide. I have had sex because I tried staying away from the internet which led to bigger desires and I'm good looking which makes girls run after me and my challenge becomes harder.

Welcome!

Many people have been helped here, you can be helped too. But it won't happen all in one sitting. Stick around, and tell us a little more about yourself.

Looking forward to getting to know you better!

Welcome Jason!

There's no such thing as "Too ruined to have no chance". People have come here after falling to the lowest depths imaginable and have had success. But it takes time, patience, and commitment. So look around, read the handbooks, participate, and you will find your way.

Hatzlacha!

Welcome Jason!!

As it has been mentioned, You are not finished, no where near it!!!

You have arrived!! Arrived at the place where people struggle as you do, people understand what you are going through!!!

Stick around, post away, there is a ton to learn!!

What are you currently doing to stop? Have you opened up to anyone about it?

Hatzlacha Rabbah!!

Hi Jason, and welcome! Have you tried to get professional help? I only ask because you mentioned suicide. Is it a serious consideration or just talk?

Chill a bit. We are all in the same boat. Many people have been worse off than you and have recovered.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

if you are good looking and you know it then your definitely in big trouble lol dw we ll do what we can to help. the chase for the flesh is much much stronger. a good place to start is the SA book called the white book, its a good read

Hi guys thanks for replying!
1. To "appreciate" - Where can I get ahold of this book(is there an online PDF or do I have to go to the store and ask for it)?
2. To "gibbor120" I feel like I want it all to end but I wont actually commit suicide.
but I definitely cannot chill I'm in a lot of pain. but thanks for being here!
3. To "pidaini" right now to stop I'm trying just to learn a lot of torah and fill my head with doing other things I don't have any internet devices but I always manage to find a friends or something like that (I'm in a Yeshiva dorm). and you can't really tell your friends to get K9 or something like that, so I'm just trying to tell them to put a password on the device because I waste to much time playing games, youtube etc. when they are not around. I am going to see a therapist this week so we'll see how that goes I'm not really excited about going but I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do.
4.Thank You guys feels good to be able to share.

Jason wrote:
Let us know how the therapy goes. You are in a lot of pain so, I'm surprised that your motivation is "because it's the right thing to do".

When I get sick, I don't take medicine because "it's the right thing to do" I do it because I'm in pain, and I want to feel better.

Hatzlacha!

What I meant was that I don't see the therapy as medicine rather as a chance to embarrass myself so I don't really want to do it but I know that just because I might be embarrassed does not mean I should not give it a try.
I am in a lot of pain but it's the type of pain that makes you feel like its always going to be this way no matter what you try I've been trying since I was 9 so I'm not so sure ill feel better but you got to keep on trying because it's the right thing to do even if one gives up Hashem didn't give on me so who am I to not try and fix it.

Embarassment doesn't usually work as a motivation for long. Therapy is a chance to change yourself. Real change. Change that can last. You have a great opportunity. Be patient. It will take time, but real change is possible. Just look around this forum.

Well as for the pain of you being stuck no matter what you try, you have come to a place where that has been prooven wrong!! Many here have tried and are BH sober, and you can be too!!!

Take a look around at the forum, read peoples stories, I'm sure you'll be able to relate a lot!!

Jason, you deserve a good life and you could have it!!!

Start your engines, join the crowd and begin the journey!!!

Thanks guys for being there and giving me support.
Today I went to a therapist for the first time it was really nice I liked It I felt better it was very hard to tell him but at the end I did. and ill see him again next week.

Great news! Thanks for sharing!

Welcome to GYE!

A lot of people come here to try to find "the" cure, the way to put an end to all of this stuff we've come accustomed to doing.

The truth is that there's no magic switch.

We need to learn to let go of the dream of becoming perfect, and just work on living life and making the right choices each moment as we are faced by them.

Hatzlacha!

Hi Jason,
Are you kidding? You are young and in Yeshivah with a wonderful and promising future. You were fortunate to find GYE at a young age. I didn't find this piece of heaven until I was 45. This horrific addiction was woven into my very fabric and I feel very safe and secure when I am involved with and surrounded by my GYE friends, even if only in an anonymous fashion.
So you have a huge chance if you choose to take it. But you cannot do it alone. Don't ever isolate yourself. be part of a group, have a network of people you can communicate with whether on the telephone or by anonymous email. Who knows if Hashem gave you this challenge so you can be mechazek all of us with your inspiration.
We all care deeply about you and are excited to celebrate your successes with you.
Keep your head up high and a smile on your face. We will win this TOGETHER!