I DID IT!!!! I reached 90 days!!!

From now on this will be my main thread where I post news and ask for advice. My old threads have irrelevant names now, and one of them was moved to BB.

I feel amazing! Time to do another 90 days!

My original "introduce myself"-thread (was moved to BB)
guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/217145-Time-to-say-hi---I-need-to-get-free%21%21

My second thread (started after my original thread was moved to BB)
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/219604-Im-still-here

thatguyoverthere wrote:


I guess you're a balebatisher guy. Nice to meet you.

MT

I was just scarily close to a fall... hands are shaking. I'm on day 98 and I almost fall???

Someone put a forbidden photo in a place online yesterday evening. I reported him, and it was removed right away. But the damage to my brain was already done. Today I was horrifyingly close to a fall. I have Jewish music on in the background now to help me focus on G-d. Im in the office trying to focus and get some work done.

I need hashem!! I really cant do this on my own!!

thatguyoverthere wrote:

Mazel Tov. I am very happy for you.

I remember the feeling when I made 90 days. I was sure that I had overcome the problem. I cannot think of a nice way to say this, but if you are like me then 90 was a nice goal but afterwards it is really IRRELEVANT. And believe me I am telling you this because I want you to remain sober. (Dov tried to tell me this at the time, but I didn't really pay attention).

May HaShem grant us sobriety and sanity one day at a time.

Today I reached 100 days. Every day is a victory! Day after day... just for today...

May HaShem grant you and all of us another day of sobriety and sanity.

Just to share with you that I have a friend in SA who is over 10 years clean, and i can tell you that he does not feel any more a winner today than he did on the day he fell ten years ago; and that is what keeps him sober.

I have to remember that it does not matter how long I am sober, the most natural thing for me to do today is to act-out (I did it for over 20 years with no hope of stopping). Every day I remain clean and sane is a gift.

Really struggling right now. Writing here to keep myself accountable. I dont want to fall. 130 days now!

keep going remember 90 days is great, but we all remain addicts!!!!

Are you talking to anyone about it? I've found that to be most helpful.

Actually, just writing here made it easier.
I was almost about to sms my wife, when I got an sms from her about how much she misses me (I was at the office). That helped a lot! I went through the rest of the day without incidents.

Boruch Hashem!

Just need to write this here. I am clean 140 days and I am utterly disgusted and hating myself right now. I didnt fall, but it was very close, and only external factors prevented it. Had it been up to me I would have been fallen right now.

It just feels hopeless right now... I hope I'll get over it. I noticed that lately I've been less sensitive to images on magazine stands etc, less made sure to look away wehn seeing people in the street. I used to be very aware and constantly look away when I was new here. I need to get back to that! I cant let this ruin my life!

I didnt actually fall... but I feel just as if I did.

Glad to hear that you caught yourself (or that you were caught). Is there a way you could reach out for help before a potential fall instead of after?