A massive Yasharkoach to all the courageous men on this forum who should be proud of taking their first step to overcoming their addiction.

This addiction thrives in isolation and darkness like mould but when exposed to light and warmth shrivels up and is weakened.

This forum is a great place to shed light onto our disease and with Hashem's help give us the freedom we desperately seek.

I would like to use this thread to share some insights into the problem we share. Some insights will come from Torah sources and some from ideas and experiences.

Please share your insights and may we all merit to see the ultimate light which will bring true freedom.

Amen.

Hello Chevra,

I had a nice little insight today whilst driving.

What does Adam Harishon and Haman Harasha have in common?

They both desired what they couldn't have.

Adam Harishon had everything. Every pleasure you can think of. He had a one to one relationship with Hashem. He lived in Gan Eden which was filled with every pleasure a person can dream of experiencing. He had it all.

Except one thing.

He couldn't eat from the Eitz Hadaas.

Why did Adam desire it so much? If he had everything else why be tempted for this one little tree?

So too we see with Haman Harasha. Everyone gave him respect. He was the second most powerful man after the king. He could have whatever he wanted and yet he was angry and unsatisfied because one man wouldn't bow down to him.

Why couldn't Haman let it go? Why couldn't he focus on all the people that DID bow down to him?

Both Adam and Haman made the one thing they couldn't have the focus of their attention.

B"H I am blessed to be married to a beautiful wife. I have 3 wonderful children. I make a decent parnassah. So why do I need 'something else'? Why can't I be satisfied with all the good things I have?

We as addicts have the same challenge that Adam and Haman had. We must try and learn to focus on all the good things we have and not be distracted by the temporary, unfulfilling pleasures that we feel we need to have.

Hashem gives us what we need for each day.

May we all have the Siyata Deshmaya to be Sameach Bechelko and taste true freedom.

This message is one I have been telling myself (and my therapist DR SZJ)lately.
Perhaps my wife isn't beautiful, but she is the one I have, and unless I do something drastically stupid to jeopardize this, she is the one who I will be always with.
Will someone else be better? Highly doubtful.
So live with it!
Be happy.
Don't stray.
Focus ALL my attention on her.
How could I improve the marriage, not c"v destroy it?
What can I do to make her life easier, better, more relaxing?
It must be all or nothing, for if we let those thoughts creep in, we are then worrying about our enjoyment, our pleasure, etc.

But Mr. PD, what would you tell someone who is not blessed with a beautiful wife (if indeed that is a blessing); and one who does not have wonderful children, and one who is not making a parnassah?
Does your message resonate with them?
Perhaps one will cite the story with the Rebbe who sent his chassid to the fellow in the shack who had nothing, and couldn't understand what everyone else was complaining about. To be always sameach b'chelko...even when one is lacking.

While it is true, I do not think that message will stop one from acting out.
Your message is still good, but many of us need more.

Thank you

My dear Cornoy.

Firstly what is 'beautiful'?

To my friend his wife is beautiful, to me she looks like a troll.

It's all relative.

Secondly, true beauty comes from within.

Thirdly, Sameach Bechelko means to be happy with what you have WHATEVER YOU HAVE.

You may not be married or have children. You may not be earning a parnasah. But you can see. Your eyes work. You can smell, touch, taste, go to the bathroom, eat, dance, smile ...

"Sad was the man with no shoes; until he saw the man with no legs"

if your words help someone, kal hakavod.

In this weeks parsha we see a hero emerge by the name of Yosef Hatzadik.

Yosef is the person I think about when I think of true freedom from lust addiction.

As we know Yosef had the most beautiful and attractive woman in the world throw herself at him over and over again.

Can you imagine being alone at home with nobody around and the most attractive girl is begging you to be with her!

Yosef was able to break free but how?

The Torah says that when Potiphar's wife pleaded to Yosef " שִׁכְבָה עִמִּי"
Yosef replied "וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר יֶשׁ לוֹ נָתַן בְּיָדִי"

Yosef is saying that Potiphar has given him everything therefore how could he do this to him?

In other words Yosef is giving us one of the keys to overcome lust. Hakoras Hatov.

We see that throughout the parsha Yosef always thanks Hashem. Even when Yosef was thrown into a pit, sold as a slave, thrown into jail ... still he thanks Hashem!

Is it not clear that the Torah is sending a powerful message: There is a correlation between being thankful for what we have and overcoming the Yetzer Harah of Lust!

Stay Pure,
Daniel

Re: your Haman and Adam vort. I heard that is why the gemara asks where do we find haman in the torah and answers "המן העץ"

All true Pure Daniel
I'd like to add that Yosef Hatzadik overcame his nisayon with Potiphar's wife because the דמות דיוקנו של אביו appeared to him. Some learn this was a miracle that happened his father's image appeared to him. But others do learn he himself conjured up that image to save himself, just like we are taught on GYE, to have some image or question or riddle that we can think of to stop us having that second look on the street or online. What better way than to think of Reb Eliyashuv with his hand on his head learning, etch that image in your mind and bring up when needed. This I believe is what Yosef did.
Does anyone know the mekor for this?
And shouldn't this be on the Beis hamedrash part of the forum?

Very interesting Israel and great advice!

I heard something else very inspiring and helpful...

When Yosef refused Aishes Potiphar the word he used was וַיְמָאֵן which we read loud and at length. Why?

We see also when they tried to console Yackov over the 'death' of Yosef he refused and it says וַיְמָאֵן

What is the connection?

Here lies a powerful message:

How did Yosef refuse this incredible temptation? Because his father REFUSED to give up on him!

When we lose hope we fail. But when there is someone who believes in us we can get through anything.


Don't give up, because your father in heaven believes in you and He will never give up on you!

Stay Pure,
Daniel

israel613120 wrote:


I noticed that Chazal say that Yaakov actually told him, "do you want that the choshen should have everyone's name and yours should be missing?"
that is what prevented him from sinning.

Now, I do not want to take away or detract c"v from the tzidkus of yosef and all the peshatim, but what I take from there (although this might not be the peshat in Yosef)is as follows: When someone is about to sin, or he desires to sin, especially regarding lust, do not spiritualize with him then; logic and reason will not be effective. What might work is to hit the pleasure with even more pleasure. explain to him or yourself how much pleasure there would be by holding out; do you remember that good feeling last time you turned the other way? it was a lasting geshmak! I don't know....just thinkin'

thanks

Pure Daniel wrote:


Wow, that was great lesson to read! Thanks for sharing this thought.