Giant Leap wrote on 19 Oct 2009 18:47:
Well, after 10 days of been clean to some degree, I finally fell and am off the 90 days chart. I listened to the YH again, unlike the previous times, m wheels got stuck in the mud and I couldn't get grip, so I succumbed to false sense of fulfillment - 12th principle of the GUE Attitude Handbook. I felt in limbo since then, not really understanding the gravity of the situation, but not getting down on myself for the failure. The only thing I resent is the lost of time, the 10 days - good bad or ugly - were gone. I felt that sometime in the counting I wasn't sincere to myself and near the end, I broke through my filter. Instead of going to bed early and arising for Shacharis, I spent the late hours watching forbidden things. It started with watching simple but dirty videos on Youtube and then led to breaking thru my filter and accessing the real bad stuff. The good thin is I don't really feel like a hypocrite anymore - Im struggling, but I ready and willing to start again, this time Im really really committed - as a Nascar commentator once said, " Gotta be committed to it like a pig is committed to bein' bacon!" Hehe.
GL
Those 10 days arent lost. Figure out how many clean
seconds there are in 10 days. Those are yours for eternity, no matter how many falls ch'v may follow!
