Today, I am clean since 20 days !

It wasn't too difficult until now, but I feel that things are becoming to get more difficult...
I am very tired actually because I have a lot of tension in my life : children are very sicks, apartment problems, work, a rythm of life at a very tiring pace...

Today I slipped and gone to some sites, fortunately I stopped the slip and I closed the browser before it was too late !
I am afraid to fall a new time, I fall every time after I saw these sites !

Another thing : my mobile phone was broken in the past week, and I bought a new phone with Android.
But, how can I filter Internet with Android ? I tried the mobsafety suite, it seems to be good... There are another solutions ?

Thanks for the help !

What tools have you been using to stay clean?

Like I said in the other thread, it was my first "real" lust attack since I started to be sober (since 20 days).
During these days, I got some soft attacks, but it was not very difficult to ignore them and to concentrate on another things...

Between attacks, I read the 'hizuk mails of GYE, I try to guard my eyes away of no-tzniut things like publicity or girls that are not tzniut...
I remember me that I am a dependant and that only Hashem can save me : so I pray many times that He helps me to stay sober.

I thing this is because I'm tired and in stress that Y'H is trying to make me fall because I'm much vulnerable to a fall...
And he says to me : "Look my friend, take a little break of lust, things will be better after, you'll see ! And you will be more peaceful". And he puts many fantasies in my mind, like lust is a very good thing...

But after, things are not better, but worse !...

Again one hour at work and things will be a little more easier. Thank G.d, I have no internet at home.

I fell this morning

The night was very difficult, with dreams about lust, many thoughts...
When I woke up, I felt not good... I tried to resist, but when I undressed, I fell very quickly...

I think that I was too confident that without Internet at home, I can't have a fall at home : this is an error. Because I'm dependant, this is although possible.
And the pictures that I saw at work yesterday on Internet were coming again and again in my mind all the night...

But there is a positive thing to this : after the fall, Y'H came to me and began to talk :"Now you want to go pray in the shule like other days ? But see what you are ! Stay at home and get a little rest, do a little chaharit, this is the better".
Those speakings were talking good to me. But I stood up and I said 'NO ! You taken me down, I won't follow you either !'.

So I went to the shule, I prayed chaharit, and after the tfiloh, I went into mikvah.
After I felt better...

Since then, I am calm without thought and fantasies : just want to stay sober for this day...

I really that after a fall, the most important thing is not to be entrained by the Y'H to go deeper and deeper, have an another fall... The second fall is worst than the first.
You must stand up, stop the Y'H, stop the fall, and ask Hachem to help you to go up and recover from the falling.

Wow, that's gevaldig! I honestly believe that your tfiloh after your fall was greatly admired in heaven. Much more that the tfilohs of angels who have no Y'H and just act like robots.

Hashem loves you, and we do too!

Hatzlacha

MT

David26fr wrote:

You are 100% right on this... I can speak from personal experience, unfortunately... I embarrassingly say that I have become quite experienced and accomplished at pursuing my lust by (mis-)using my power of imagination whenever I felt a stress from which I wanted to escape... and it took me a long time before I internalized that I must be on guard constantly, even without internet in front of me... and that one step - even a single thought - in the wrong direction could lead to a fall.

That all being said, your reaction after your fall was tremendous! ... That is an inspiration to me.

Merci beaucoup for posting. (I am guessing you speak French... apologies if this is incorrect.)

Tosfos wrote:

Yes : to be on guard all the time.
I think this is a big part of our job to guard this in mind constantly. And to ask to Hachem that he helps us to keep this in mind.

Tosfos wrote:

Merci beaucoup is correct
Mais je t'en prie ! (You're welcome !)