tttzyk - I think it is probably impossible to move from where one is, to where they want to be, in a day! The question is whether you really want to leave the craziness behind. You started the thread by saying you are not ready because you enjoy it too much. Until you realize just how bad it is for you, and how much you want to get rid of it (its ok if it takes time - but you have to want to live without it), you have not really decided you want to give it up...

We all want to give it up. We are all Gd fearing Jews who are bothered by the fact that these things are forbidden etc. Some of us are aware that lust has control over our lives and that we are unable to say "no" and that bothers us. Whatever the reason and how we feel, ultimately the reason why we are all here posting on GYE is because we would prefer to live a life without lust.

The question for me was and still is: am I really willing to give it up?

At the end of the story at the beginning of the White Book it says: I'd been praying self-righteously all along, "Please God, take it away!" not realizing my inner heart was piteously whining, ". . . so I won't have to give it up." There was belief in God without surrender. That belief availed nothing! I had never died to lust.

For me recovery and sobriety began when I became willing to give up turning to lust for my solution to life.

Now as an addict this is impossible. I CANNOT live without lust..........on my own But slowly I came to believe that it IS possible; that G-d CAN do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. I saw it at meetings with other addicts and slowly I began to see it happen to me too; and here on GYE we see it too.

May HaShem be with you and grant us a day of sobriety and sanity.

ttzyk,

I love your honesty. I too love masturbating, it feels great. I am not going to lie. I think all of us on here really enjoyed doing it. Indulging in fantasies and getting that release is a great physical pleasure.

It is very hard to give up and I remember when I started the 90 day I was waiting for the day that I would fall, because I knew I would not be successful in stopping, I just did not have it in me. It came eventually, 6 months later. But by then I saw how much better life was when I was not indulging in porn and masturbation every day. So I got back up and started again.

I didn't learn why I wanted to give up and get sober until after I was clean for some time. So my advice to you is just start but with no deadline. Go day be day, one day at a time, and see how far you go. If you really feel the need for a celebratory masturbation at some point, I pray that you have found a better way to celebrate than that by the time you get there.

Eli

MBJ-I also found masturbation aided by porn fed fantasies of all types a great release and escape from a lack of self esteem which definitely had childhood roots. Yet, I also found it that masturbation and porn also severely impacted my relationship with my family and especially with my wife-both inside and outside of the marital bedroom. I have been clean without porn and masturbation since Motzaei Shabbos Nachamu and I intend to go forward without looking back because my Eshes Chayil simply is my biggest cheerleader both inside and outside of the bedroom. There is just no comparison between our marital life in all aspects since that eventful Miotzaei Shabbos Kodesh and my Eshes Chayil's ultimatum that I get help and check out this site or else our marriage was in serious jeopardy. Without my wife and this site, I would not be writing this post today.