Hi, guys.

This is my first post on this forum and even though I don't have much to add, I decided to start posting from time to time as a recovery tool.

My story is as follows: I have been addicted to internet p*** videos for a number of years. Many times, I promised myself that I will stop watching it, but time and time again I returned to it. After discovering GYE, I put WebChaver on my internet, started exercising, and reading daily chizuk emails. I stopped looking at inappropriate material completely for about 8 months. Then I fell. I did not have a good reason to fall. I was not particularly stressed or depressed, just bored. Once it happened, I started falling constantly for a few months again. I am now starting another serious attempt at stopping. I have now been clean for 17 days.

I have a question. It appears that the majority of people on GYE are not the hardcore s** addicts (I am not spelling completely so that my K9 doesn't block this page) that are involved with other people, but are simply addicted to internet p***, without other people involved. It appears that for these people SA meetings are not the way to go at all - on the contrary, there is a great potential for furthering the severity of one's addiction by getting new ideas and seeing other frum people who actually did crazy stuff, that you can't even come close to. Why are the live SA meetings being so much promoted by the veteran GYE addicts?

There are people out there, like me, who are addicted to internet p***, without other people involved. I bothers us and we want to stop. Wouldn't a live SA meeting introduce and take us into a whole different world of crazy stuff?

I think I have seen plenty of the old timers cautioning about going to SA meetings. Mostly you will see that they first recommend the Phone Conferences.

There is another point of opening up to real live people, that doesn't necessarily have to be at an SA meeting.

Welcome to Posting!! Hope to see more!!

Just to clarify, NO SPELLING OUT P*** OR master baiting so the good man can get to his own thread!!!

I found SA to be incredibly helpful. Most of the talk there has nothing to do with acting out but rather focusing on getting & staying sober. Folks are not trading websites with each other!

If you think it will help, I encourage you to go!

I cant tell you what to do, but it has helped me tremendously.

Baruch Hashem, I am up to day 18.

I hear that SA meetings did help a lot of people, but I am still not sure whether it's time for me to do that yet.

How do the 12 steps calls and meetings work? Since they work the steps in order, do you have to come to every single meeting to keep pace with the program? My understanding is that 12-step phone calls meet for an hour a day. That's a pretty serious time commitment there.

Is it worth trying the phonecalls to see if that works, instead of live SA meetings? How can I get a live sponsor, if I don't go to a live meeting?

Thanks, guys.

Baruch Hashem, today is day 21. Will try calling in to Duvid Chaim's 12pm call - see how it goes. I used to be very apprehensive about talking with others about my P addiction. But now, I stopped caring. I am just sick of my addiction. I hate it. Dear addiction, no time for pleasantries with you - go F yourself - I don't want you, you are a liar! You always lie - all of your advertising is false! There is no light at the end of your tunnel - only falsehood and emptiness! Even the 5 seconds of pleasure is not what it's cracked up to be - it's all a lie and false advertising.

Without you, my addiction, I will have a good and productive day today. I will call my wife and tell her how much I love her. I will actually get some work done, for change. I will talk with my kids, hug and kiss them without even a little feeling of guilt.

I used to think that I am strong-willed person. But you, my addiction, really opened my eyes and showed me how weak I really am. I was not only fooling everyone around me, I was fooling myself. I am extremely weak - I used to fall for no reason (out of boredom). Am I a 5 year old, who can't control his emotions? Nice try, my addiction.

Now, I actually want to talk to other people about my addiction - I have not been able to resolve it myself for years, so this is the next step.

I really want to talk to Hashem. Have a deep, honest conversation with Hashem. I even bought a book about hispodedus called "When earth and heaven kiss." But every time I try to read it, I fall asleep.

Any tips on how to start talking with Hashem daily?

InternalControl wrote:

congratulations on getting to 3 weeks. it is a milestone, hopefully the first of many. It's good that you're posting here, it's very helpful. So are the phone conferences.

Just a point if i may. can't you add GYE as an 'exception' (go to exceptions and click 'always allow')in your internet filter so you can always access GYE no matter what. After all a lot of us use those words regularly in our threads and it would be such a shame if you couldn't read it.

InternalControl wrote:

Well, for starters,

tryingtoshteig wrote:

What is that? i never saw one with orange on it... who davens with orange siddurim!?!?

Dr.Watson wrote:


Thankfully, I dont have access to my filter settings, so I can't make that change. Hopefully K9 wont block all pages with words spelled out, but if I dont have to spell it out , I dont. Thanks for your message!

tryingtoshteig wrote:


Trying to shteig, I use this a few times daily. My problem is that davening doesnt feel like talking to Hashem. It is a major problem of mine. Any tips?

Thanks!

Internal,

I'm writing to myself, it may be nogeiah to you as well, don't know. The way to talk to Hashem is to talk to him. I had a very hard time when I did it my first time, and it wasn't long ago.
Think about it, for some reason we are terrified of letting our thoughts out into words, even to Hashem!!!. We even excuse ourselves "he sees our thoughts anyway, why do I need to say it?". well if He sees them anyway why are you so afraid of saying them?!

I can't really explain the reason right now, but that is why I put that up, JUST DO IT!!! Stop rationalizing, and just let your deepest thoughts out to Hashem!!!

I may be off (and if I am then I'm very off), just sharing my experience.

Well, davening is talking to Hashem, even if you don't always feel it. I am sure you know that already. The question is how to get tuned in to what we are actually doing. Not an uncommon problem, but one that we need to address. I don't have any major chiddushim for you here, but we can try to go over a few basics.

Can you come a minute or two early to davening to clear your mind a little and get into the right frame of mind for talking to Hashem?

Does using a different siddur help you? Using a siddur with a translation? Using an interlinear siddur? Using a siddur that has 5 peirushim on the side and almost looks like a gemara?

What about your "stance" during davening? I wish I could come and videotape your shemoneh esrei and use that to come up with some pointers, but I'm afraid we will have to guess, unless you know for yourself. Do you look in the siddur when you daven? Do you close your eyes? Do you spend davening watching and analyzing everyone else's davening habits instead of your own? (Disclaimer: I may be guilty of one or more of the above myself. Do as I say, not as I do )

Besides for formal davening, you are free to talk to Hashem whenever you feel like it, using whatever words you need to communicate your feelings. Not only that, but in Shemoneh Esrei itself, there are places where we can add our own personal requests in our own words (such as in Shema Koleinu and Elokai Netzor, ask your local rabbi for more details on that one).

The first thing that should accompany all of us in our journey in this area as well as all areas in our lives,and one that we should repeat to ourselves daily until we start feeling its wonderful proven benefits, is the following:
we dont have any "problems". Anything that seems to bother us or hinder us etc. is only there for our benefit and for our good. When we reframe "problems" "challenges" etc. to what they truly are underneath and inherently, which is nothing but goodness from the one above and only there for us in the first place for our benefit - for otherwise, it wouldnt exist in the first place and we embrace it lovingly as a caress from above etc.- the process is one that we are not afraid of, as we know if its there to benefit us, theres no such thing as failure etc.(even when it seems to the contrary) and it fills us with love and contentedness and calm. He created the so called challenge and problem - so he knew all that we would undergo in the process and that is PRECISELY the way he wanted it, without the minutest difference.