I knew the day would come that this thread got bumped

Embarrassing as it is for me to read through again I think it is a very important thread, if somewhat difficult to follow.

It's important because a lot of members come here saying the same thing I did. I understand it, I'm not sure even I could put my own mind at ease over my questions from back then.

It's difficult to follow because now I read the responses I got through different lenses, and the responses are not the same as they were a year and a half ago. I read the same words but different answers. I couldn't have connected with it back then.

I think that my problem ran so much deeper than I ever imagined back then. I didn't even realise how uncomfortable I was, how much I was running away, hiding, self-medicating.

For those who don't know, I was staunchly against going to SA at the time of this thread. I continued fighting and had ups and downs until I got fed up. I was fed up of fighting so hard and still losing. There had to be a better way. More than that, I felt that if I really cared about any of this I would bite the bullet and try a meeting.

I've been an SA member for about a year now. I have come to realise that I am powerless over my addiction. I can prove that because for years I was doing everything in my power to stop masturbating and I could not. I wouldn't even mention here some of the more extreme methods I used. But it is simply beyond me.

So I admitted I was powerless and began working the steps and going to meetings. I have still not got to the 'magical' 90 days but b"H things have been better in so many ways. Sobriety has been better and I feel better. My wife commented that I've become happier, calmer, nicer to be around. I feel more connected to Hashem. I learn much more now than before. I've even lost a little weight! People at work have commented that I seem so happy all the time, what's going on? I said "nothing, I've always been like this." "No you haven't, you're much happier now, what is it?"

I think that everyone has their own path and Hashem will lead us down it if we let Him. Progress is slow, changes take time. I love the bit in the Big book about spiritual experiences: "Most of our experiences are the 'educational variety' because they develop slowly over a period of time."

Watson wrote:


Leave it up the O' Fishel thread-bumper

And Watson, it is so great to hear about the happiness.
B"H!
Gettin' closer to God is a bit catchy; my posts are changin'.

b'hatzlachah

Dr.Watson wrote:


Doc,

How would you describe your old issues now?