1. Well I can see right away why you could do it a year ago and not now from what you wrote.

When you describe how much you want to quit now you say ''I don’t have that strong will to quit it. But I badly want to have this will…'' I understand what you're saying. You realise how porn is harming you and you remember how amazing your life was when you were free from it, but your will is slightly detached, an intellectual knowledge, not a a strong feeling.

When you describe how much you wanted to quit a year ago you say ''Last year summer, I have realized that I’m going to die if I don’t quit it'' It's not hard to see how that mindset would help you quit. When it's life or death it's easy to quit. when it's something you want, would be nice etc, it's much harder.

Do you still feel like you'll die if you don't quit?

A story in the gemoroh springs to mind. I can't remember details but I'm sure the talmidei chachomim here can fill them in. There was a man, a rosho, who 'acted out' with every zoneh in the world. There wasn't one he missed out. So much so that when he heard of a beautiful zoneh on the other side of the world, he set out to meet her. Now that's commitment to a cause, right? She told him he could never do teshuvah and he decided he wanted to change. He knew he needed to change, but it was an intellectual thought that he should, it wasn't enough to motivate him to do anything for himself. So he asked the mountains and oceans and heavens and everything else he could find to do it for him and they all refused. And when he had been turned away enough times something changed inside him. He felt it. He felt how much he wanted to change, how much he needed to change and he felt it deeply in his heart. Only then did he act for himself. He started to cry. And cry and cry and cry and do teshuvah like no-one had ever done teshuvah before. When he had decided that it was life or death for him and he acted, his teshuva was accepted and he went straight to shomayim.

Can I ask you, what is your motivation for quitting? Why do you want to quit? What do you stand to gain from it?