Hi chaps,

Still clean and doing pretty well, bH. Have been up last 2 nights too (3 in a row now) so feeling pretty knackered. I've found the last 2 nights when I've been more aware and expecting it to happen I've kept my cool. My wife has been quite aggravated about the situation, although I don't blame her. One of the issues is that my baby tends to only keep quiet when he's with me so my wife has to schlep to make his bottle, when she holds him and I do the bottle he cries. I think she would prefer I just take care of it, as was the case 80% of the time in the past before he started sleeping through.

She's just phoned me now very frustrated and quite angry that they are crying and yelling instead of sleeping. She calls me out for my 'anger problem' but I don't think it's just me and I don't think its unusual.

For Dov - I read your post over a few times. I agree wholeheartedly. I used porn and acting out when younger definitely as a way to deal with loneliness, emigration at a young age, depression, a bad relationship with my father, my parents' poor marriage yada yada yada. So the pathways are definitely burned in and I still feel it now: "feeling low? Guess what gives you a juicy kick?"

I do my best to pour my attention into hobbies and things I enjoy. I don't think I have any issue 'accepting' what's going on - but I definitely need ways to deal with them and 'catch my breath' at the end of the day. Thankfully I have quite a few things I enjoy that recharge me, although not nearly the time I'd like to devote to them

sR

What a doozy of an afternoon. I don't know how my wife expects me to be ecstatic about ridiculous requests and is shocked when I'm not happy. I mean, I only exist to be mishubed her right!?

Still clean somehow

Dov, your posts are eye-opening!

You should open up a shul - you will get a great following. People will move to wherever you are located! I am serious. You will improve lives of hundreds and make some money while at it!

Shkoyach!

Dov already has a shul, with a following...

But out there he's not known by his real name.

sonicReducer wrote:


I feel you, man!

Sometimes I feel the same way. But at the end of the day, does it all boil down to a few hours of extra chores or a few hours less sleep? It only becomes a big-deal if we over-think the whole "shibud" thing. Taking things less seriously goes a long way.

I know how difficult it is to deal with fussy, not sleeping, not eating babies. I had my share of stressing out over my babies. But you gotta realize - baby crying for an hour or two is not going to hurt anybody. The worst thing that could happen is you loosing hours of sleep and be super-tired the next day at work. We all have taken hours and hours away from our sleep for time-wasting - porn, movies, entertainment, going out. And here your sleep is being taken away because you have been blessed with babies! Let them cry (won't hurt them) - it's not a big deal - they calm down eventually.

That approach has taken the baby stress away from me. My wife gets annoyed at this, though - she can't stand doing nothing while a baby is crying. She doesn't realize that trying to calm a baby down will take longer than just letting him calm himself down in the crib.

Resentments and communication problems at home are deep and normal. For people who have lust as their solution, they are a real mess, tho. Cuz we keep running to the solution instead of dealing with the realities.

Hey, Hatzlocha!

I'm pretty sure my issues with my wife are about 10% her and 90% my own laziness and selfishness. I need to remind myself of this more often.

Have been doing better last few days bH. We started reading a marriage book together last night, had some good ideas right from the start. Will see how it goes

sR

I think this has become my personal soap box.

Feeling stressed (and with all that comes with it).
Had a big fight with my wife over an urn of all things.
My mother just came back from overseas seeing her very sick parents.
One uncle has been helping himself to my grandfather's money.
Left work at 1030 as my wife is very sick. Luckily her parents are here for a bit so they have taken the twins out for a bit.
Just had a call from my sister reminding me that my mother is digging herself into debt and overspending, and my father who is just about retirement age is on benefits, no savings, hardly any earnings and said to my sister "my children are my pension"

Anyone know of a short pier over a long drop nearby?

Fun times

EDIT: Also I'm knackered. And the cricket has been rained off *sob*

Nope, but I have a great mother-in-law joke for you, though...

cricke ????/???/

sonicReducer wrote:


But there's the beautiful game of Football.(Soccer for ignoramuses) And the season has just started.

How exciting...!

SonicReducer, in light of real life daily issues and problems, p*** looks so appealing! Such a sweet escape! Such a sweet, sweet drug.

Judging by myself, using p*** for many years, left me with no real tools for dealing with real life.

Time to re-learn dealing with real life.

AMEIN!!

...and we cannot do it alone. The alone part was what most of us have always been doing to 'deal' with life. Sufferring alone. Nearly everyone I have ever talked with who has this problem admits they feel deeply alone at times, and their secret makes them alone in a (better-than-me) crowd, alone in (shameful) shul, alone at (lust-filled chasunas), alone in bed with their own (faithful-and-undersexed) wives.

It's alonely life indeed, being a secret perv. And as a frum one, it is even lonelier...

Thank G-d it does not have to stay that way!

bH over a month clean. Have been working on controlling my eyes. Needs a lot of improvement but better than I was. I have taken note of times/places I struggle and have tried to make improvements

Wishing everyone a gmar cstiva uchasima tova. This website is a huge help and pG a big zechus for those involved

sR

SoniccccReduuuuuucerrrrr......

Have a great Rosh Hashonoh!! (And my brocha to you is that you (and we all) forget about having a good year, for it's not our business at all. If we do RH right, Hashem takes care of the rest perfectly! It's one day ata time. )