My introduction is here, I was away for a while- with predictable results unfortunately, and my posts were reset. My wife and kids are going out of town for 10 days, I can't take off from my job, and I know it will be a time of extra nisyonos. I'm trying to set up things to keep me busy, but realistically it's not likely that I'll have something to fill every second. I ordered some computer games to keep me busy, but I feel that comes from the same need to escape reality that feeds my addiction. It does beat the alternative (acting out.) If anyone has advice/chizuk for me I'd appreciate it.

What do you mean by "I was away for a while- with predictable results unfortunately"? If you don't mind me asking.

Advice, come here when you're bored (and not going to do anything productive, not that hanging out here isn't productive but i can maybe think of more productive things).
It helps me a lot to come here, meet new people just read posts give some chizzuk,get some chizzuk, and of course the holy just having fun section.

Chizzuk, You can do it if you want. It's in your hands. BUT we're here to help, you just have to ask

welcome again
it should be bhatzlachah

perhaps instead of setting up things to do during boredom, set up things that you CANNOT do things that you will be sorry for later....that is...if you truly wanna stop

1- keep in touch with friends - real life friends (GYE friends are good but the more real the better). don't be a hermit.
2 - Keep busy. lazing on the couch is nice for a bit but don't do it for more than an hour.
3 - keep healthy. eat and sleep like a mentch. pringles and soda are not meant to be the single man's MRE's.
4 - keep things light, don't try to finish shas in those 10 days. (if you do finish shas it's not the end of the world but don't set unreachable goals).

that's my (humble and free) advice

Yeah, like you already said, computer games is probably not gonna be very helpful. What do you enjoy doing? Do you have any hobbies that take place in the outdoors? Running, fishing, gardening...(watch out for the tomatoes!).

If you sit down and try to think of things you have done in the past that you really enjoyed in a meaningful way, try to find a way to set those kinds of things up.

As has been said, find people to hang out with. Good people. Real people. It makes such a HUGE difference.

And I really liked what Cortnoy said: Don't forget to think about the things that you are committed NOT to do.

Only Hashem can get you through it. Every day until your family leaves and every day of those ten days make sure you daven for His guidance and assistance. Believe that He wants to hear your voice and that He will help you if you help yourself (which you are already trying to do. So, kol hakavod for that!)

Keep posting.

Don't spend too much time alone. Get together with friends or call friends. Excercise. Write letters to your family telling them how much you miss them. Buy gifts for when they get back.

Thank you for the chizuk and help. Spending time with real people is very important, and I'll try to arrange to eat supper with relatives, I also could go exercise with someone. I will also try to Daven - that is another excellent suggestion, even though Davening has been a challenge for me.

@inastruggle I acted out, which for me means watching p**n and reading erotic writing.

@cordnoy I know what I don't want to do, but I've made so many commitments to myself not to engage in improper activity that I ended up breaking I just don't trust myself.

yearning2bfree wrote:


for some, the tapshik method has helped

can you get someone else involved? talk to a live person, or on the phone?

b'hatzlachah

I've made and broken many commitments as well.
What I found that works for me is to make the commitments in a way that they don't directly stop me from acting out.By the time I get to acting out, I'm not in a logical frame of mind and the commitment won't stop me.

So what I did was analyze the patterns of how I fall and see how to stop them from starting.So I was falling at night, on an unfiltered computer, in my room.So I made various kabbalos to stop myself from being in that situation to begin with.Not to be online past a specific time, not to be on an unfiltered computer in a place that no one can walk in on me etc.

If the times that you fall are when you're bored then make a commitment to stay away from the internet when you're bored or to only go on gye and a few other sites that won't even have a possibility of triggering you.You know yourself, and the main thing is to remember not to make it a direct confrontation between falling and a commitment because chances are in that situation the commitment easily loses.

Well, so far I'm doing OK. I've been playing a lot of computer games, but tonight I exercised, and I added a learning seder to my nights. Thanks to everyone for the chizuk! I'll try to keep you posted, and hopefully that will be an extra shmira.

KUTGW!

Well, I made it through without falling - thank you to everyone for their support and chizuk. I feel like I was a "dry drunk." I spent a lot of time playing computer games or otherwise avoiding life. I think it would help me to do the 12 steps to learn to live life without fear. Does anyone have advice for me in taking the next step?

Thanks!

Attend meetings, and get a sponsor to guide you through the steps.

If you don't want to go in person, there are conference calls.

guardyoureyes.com/tools/calls

yearning2bfree wrote:


Post!