All of us here,or at least most of here, struggle greatly with depression.
We are depressed that we are depressed.
And we are depressed that we are in this cycle of depression.

Firstly,I would like to clarify a major misconception.

Many think that we are depressed cause we are sinning.
Our neshama is depressed.Therefore we are depressed.

This is not true.
I strive to serve Hashem as much as I can (for the most part)
I still suffer greatly from depression.

Depression can come from several reasons:

1)Chemical imbalance-This happens.Some people are just biologically prone to be depressed.
2)Emotional discontent-Lack of feeling of security and the occurrence of bad circumstances.

There are obviously more reasons,but these are two major ones that I think are the basic reasons for depression for people like us here at the forum.

We are not to blame for our depression!
We are not bad people!
We do not "deserve to be depressed"!

Depression is not something to fight.
It is something to heal.
If it is chemical imbalance,medicine helps greatly for this.
We can accept what Hashem gives us with love.
He gives us happiness soemtimes,and He makes us depressed sometimes.
Reb Tzadok says that this is to be mechaper avonos.
Because as we all know,depression is like hell sometimes.
So Hashem thank You!

More often,it is discontent inside of us.
All of us here have this.
That's why we're here,isn't it.
This is something we are working on.
It takes time.
It will be healed.
Do not worry.

So when you are depressed,don't say to yourself:
"O man!Why can't I just be happy?!"
This is where Hashem put us right now.

Thank you Hashem for making me depressed today!If You decide that I should be depressed,then I'm happy with it!

(Notice the irony in that statement?)

(Irony?Or the solution?)

Don't say:
"O man!My davening now will be weak anyway.Any mitzva I do will be weak.I might as well not do it."
Wrong!
Hashem wants us to give Him what we have.
If all we could do is learn 10 minutes,then that is perfect!
Not ok.
Perfect!
He put us here,depression and all.
Don't beat yourself up.
Give Him what you got.
It's all that He asks for


Any thoughts on depression will be much appreciated.

Battleworn (I think he should change his name to BattleON, but anyway...) once posted a beautiful drasha about depression. Wish I remembered where I saw it.

But the part which struck home most, was the line he quoted that depression is considered gehenim in olam ha'zeh.

Anyone who has tasted depression has tasted death.
Personally, I felt so much better after reading his words. The depression itself was burning away aveiros and bringing me closer to my long term goal - deveikus with Hakadosh Baruch Hu - even though in the short run, it seemed to be doing exactly the oppposite!

Actually mom,i had a long talk with battleworn today and i asked him a bunch of questions on the topic.
this is a copy of his post....

Oy Uri Uri! Pain and depression are topics that I have whole lot of experience with. The problem is that I'm not in the mood and that's, of course, because of my own pain. But it's getting late in the day so I got to try and Hashem will give me the right words.

First of all about pain. You are SO right that emotional pain hurts WAY more than physical pain. But the gain is according to the pain. Physical surgery involves physical pain and gives physical benefit. Spiritual surgery involves emotional pain and gives REAL ETERNAL SPIRITUAL benefit.

The same is true about the time issue. Physical surgery may take a few hours and benefit us for a few decades. Spiritual surgery may take a few decades (the Mesilas Yeshorim says that this is proof that this world is just a preparation for the next) and benefit us for ETERNITY. The question is not how to avoid the pain but rather how to handle the pain. When we learn to have bitachon and make our life's focus "What do I need to do right now" instead being self-centered (and you're well on your way to getting there) -when we develop an intimate relationship with Hashem, the pain becomes much much easier to handle.

Depression is a different question, because it is partially in our hands. In general depression comes from the notion that things could have been and/or should have been different. So of course, as you strengthen your Emunah and Bitachon more and more, the depression gets less and less. But even more important, is the question of how you react to feelings of depression. We all know that depression is extremely destructive, so when we start feeling depressed we tend to get very depressed about being depressed.

About 15 years ago I learned the sefer Tzidkas Hatzadik. It had a humongous positive effect on my life, but there was one thing I couldn't begin to understand. He says (in #57) that Hashem gives a person ("mi shezocheh") depression as a tikun for his sins. (He explaines that this is considered gehinom and such a person does not need to go to gehinom afterwords.) I couldn't imagine how this can be. To me depression is the most evil thing, that brings a person down in the most viscious way. What kind of tikun is that?

Recently I was zocheh to understand. Everything that Hashem gives us is GOOD, even depression. The important question is - as always, what do we do with it  This is the key to a happy life: stop thinking about what you have or don't have and start thinking about what you need to do. (That's other words for: stop living the problem; start living the solution) R' Tzadok is telling us the most genius eitzoh over here. When you feel depression, instead of getting upset about it, REJOICE - thank Hashem for finding you worthy of giving you your tikun the -relatively- easy way! Instead of getting in to a whole phase of depression be happy about it!

When I understood this I couldn't help but to picture the y"h eating himself up alive over this discovery. If we just internalize this, he's dead meat!

Uri

you opened up a very big subject

because I had symptoms of depression as far back as when I as 9 or even earlier but I had no idea what is was at the time.

The year I was 11 it was quite severe(kept it hidden from everyone-no one knew how bad it was) but I had no idea that it was depression.

I realized only a few year ago that this was what I had going all the way to when I was a little kid.

I never took medication for it but there was was one period in my life where maybe I should have.

I'm not sure.  

Over the years I have learned some survival skills somehow to help me with this.

But there are days where I can run the risk of sliding back into it.

I have thought alot about this but I have never spoken about it in an open way.

Maybe I should if it will help.

It was certainly not my fault.

I did not do anything at the age of 9 that convinced me that I should be depressed.

But I see some underlying causes.

It will be hard to put this in words

It's even more powerful reading it the second time.
R' Battleworn, you changed my perspective 100%! I never understood the reason for depression; it is the one thing which hides Hashems hugs big time. But now I can say I understand - on an intellectual level at least. I hope never to be tested with depression ever again, so hope to keep this information always on a distant plane.

Thank you.

I'm just going to say, as well,

Battleworn,
THANK YOU.

down with atzvuss!!!!!

A short clip from Rabbi Reisman on depression
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Music/mus/depressed.mp3

    :D

i am with you uri- currently i am on anti-depressants. and the thought that hashem wants me to be this way at this point in time is a thought to aleays keep with us. fast forward the clock-we may need this later on ,but right now we don't know why,but be happy with it and time will tell what hashem had in store for us. i attribute it to lusting and not getting out of my marriage what i thought my marriage would fix-but i'm still lusting and unhappy. and who's fault is it? only my own. i was molested and exposed to porn from age 10 or so innocently it has been with me for almost 20 years- you don't think this messes up the subconscious and is reinforced with the hollywood attitude? but the conclusion that i have had this year is that i must own my problem to change,but realize i and you are victims and it is not who we really are,but only something that we are still doing but working to get rid of. may hashem straigten our ways and have nachas from us all.

This is a very important thread. Yasher Koach Uri for starting it, and to everyone who's shared so far.

beautiful post be holy

I was once speaking with someone named "Me" on this subject.
He said the following:
Don't see the depression as part of you.
See it as this annoying guy who's following you around.
Just turn around and walk away.


I dont know if i agree with this perspective 100 percent but just puttin it out there...

don't think I 'got depression'. Did every1 here have some form of depression sometme? Depressing..

In general, deep people are more prone to depression because they think more, and internalize things.

Its a mixed blessing what can I say!

thank you Uri and Battleworn