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TOPIC: Tryin' 278053 Views

Re: tryin 14 Mar 2018 11:39 #328281

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MayanHamisgaber wrote on 13 Mar 2018 14:03:

ieeyc wrote on 13 Mar 2018 13:57:
just sayin` what almost everybodys thinkin`

only those that did not read this whole thread

its a long thread, exactly where should i look,page #,to find the reason?

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: tryin 14 Mar 2018 17:39 #328307

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cordnoy wrote on 06 Mar 2018 23:39:
In a response to someone who was blamin' God, I wrote:

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I try to remain in the background, but I must say a few things (some may be unpopular).

My life (of well over four decades) - I was surrounded by sickness, death, hospitals, disease, pain, therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, jail, anguish, danger, and more, and by this I am includin' parents and grandparents (young ones), spouse, children, siblings, teachers and students, and I am not referrin' to flus, chicken pox and speedin' tickets.

And yes, all of my wonderful life I chose to ignore this and escape by the only means I knew how, and that was thru the wonderful world of lust, and boy was I good at that. 

And when I began to recover, I would recoil when people spoke about God and higher power and stuff like that, for I had no idea who they were referencin'. Mind you, I am a shomer torah umitzvos par excellence. It's not that I didn't believe in God; I just didn't know Him. And I still don't. I struggle with good and bad and Hashem's will and evil, but I block that all out, for the most part. 

I made the lousy decisions, and I needed to fix them. I went to therapists and specialists and sponsors and meetings. It was my resolve that I messed up and I need to climb outta it. Was there Divine help? I have no idea, nor do I care. Do I feel more of a connection now that I'm sober for over three years? At times.

But if I choose to think too much, I could get very angry, so therefore, I don't.

Recovery is too precious. I am finally livin' a life, although there is so much pain around me. The pain stinks and sucks, but I need to live, and that is only thru sobriety.

God speed to all.

wow! you really are a gye trooper! btw  what do you mean by believeing in G-D but not  knowing him?

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 14 Mar 2018 17:42 by ieeyc.

Re: tryin 15 Mar 2018 14:33 #328373

  • mayanhamisgaber
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ieeyc wrote on 14 Mar 2018 11:39:

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 13 Mar 2018 14:03:

ieeyc wrote on 13 Mar 2018 13:57:
just sayin` what almost everybodys thinkin`

only those that did not read this whole thread

its a long thread, exactly where should i look,page #,to find the reason?

i do not remember
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: tryin 18 Mar 2018 02:02 #328480

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wow! you really are a gye trooper! btw  what do you mean by believeing in G-D but not  knowing him? ok you want a connection , please clarify, on the public chat i joked when you said  that you had no connection  with Hashem,you mean Hashem never spoke with you directly? but seriously a little more clarity in the word knowing  Him,connection, sorry for such a stupid question.

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 04:23 #328487

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Gut Voch ieeyc,

I should really let Cord' clarify what he meant. I just wanted to write what I feel and I think this is what he meant as well.
B"H we are Maminim bnei Maminim. We believe in Hashem yisborach. However we live in a time of Hester Ponim. How many of us actually know and recognize Hashem's presence in every aspect of our lives?

Am I constantly worrying about all types of issues or feeling connected to Hashem and knowing that everything is in good hands and Hashem only does what is best for me even when we don't see the big picture and it seems bad?
I say Ani mamin, I believe in Hashem, but do I fully trust him? Why do I worry about my finances? I do my Hishtadlus and go out to work each day. Hashem provides for everyone.

Do I really understand and live with the concept that every little move is orchestrated by Hashem Yisborach? Do I also understand that when I act out it is Hashem that is there with me and giving me the ability to act out?

Would I act differently if I live with such a connection to Hashem? I know the answer is yes.
Do I live my life like this? I know the answer is no.

 Again I reiterate, I really don't know if this is what Cordnoy meant.
These are just some points I really need to work on.
Hatzlucha Rabba!
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 06:43 #328491

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Lionking wrote:
"Do I really understand and live with the concept that every little move is orchestrated by Hashem Yisborach? Do I also understand that when I act out it is Hashem that is there with me and giving me the ability to act out?"
-how do you plan on working on this ,limud chasidus,musar , thinking of what youre saying when you  Daven,12 steps?

Lonking wrote:
"Would I act differently if I live with such a connection to Hashem? I know the answer is yes.
Do I live my life like this? I know the answer is no."
-how do you plan on working on this ,limud chasidus,musar ,thinking of what youre saying when you  Daven,12 steps?

i think what you are describing ,is what every yid goes through daily , nothing new , we have Emuna about Hashem but when we are faced with a challenge the yetzer hara makes us forget thats all,and are job untill 120 is to work that what we KNOW should enter our heart "zewho"-thats all, nothing shocking.

when our people lived in a normal society where immorality wasnt so hefker  , the Jew had to remember Hashem in situations of desire of money , gloryseeking,now it happens to be lust is on the street and in the computer,  so  that is what the call of the hour  is , and people are falling, yes,but it seems that we just have to remember Hashem in such situations ,Shivisi Hashem linegdi tamid.Ill agree that if a person is living without that and suddenly a popup comes on his screen its difficult to summon up shivisi, but whats being demanded from us is  an effort of Shivisi ,how do you get Shivisi ,ASK YOUR RABBI!!or Rebbe,but thats whats required of us,and its not a contradiction if one falls  NOTHING ELSE IS A GARAUNTEE  TO PREVENT FALLS EITHER!!!  And i dont care how many karmas some nut who doesnt like hearing what i said will take away ,if someone will get a benefit from this post its worth it!

dont know why but i dont think cordnoy meant the things that you mentioned ,ill wait  .

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 18 Mar 2018 11:56 by ieeyc.

Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 12:55 #328496

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-how do you plan on working on this ,limud chasidus,musar , thinking of what youre saying when you  Daven,12 steps?


I don't want to clutter Cord's thread, so will just post only this one short response.
I don't know clearly how I will work on it. I think it needs to be an holistic approach of all of the above. One isn't exclusive of the other.
For the next two weeks, I think my main focus will be none of the above. Just clean and prepare for Pesach. Sometimes the Avodah that is required from us is to accept that we don't know and just do. As in Krias Yam Sif, don't ask questions or need to know what's going to be, just jump in to the water.
Hatzlucha Rabba!
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 13:20 #328500

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Cords loves clutterin' threads, especially his!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 18:12 #328508

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lionking wrote on 18 Mar 2018 12:55:


-how do you plan on working on this ,limud chasidus,musar , thinking of what youre saying when you  Daven,12 steps?


I don't want to clutter Cord's thread, so will just post only this one short response.
I don't know clearly how I will work on it. I think it needs to be an holistic approach of all of the above. One isn't exclusive of the other.
For the next two weeks, I think my main focus will be none of the above. Just clean and prepare for Pesach. Sometimes the Avodah that is required from us is to accept that we don't know and just do. As in Krias Yam Sif, don't ask questions or need to know what's going to be, just jump in to the water.
Hatzlucha Rabba!

i love that positive attitude ! keep it up! maybe you can have a chat with cordnoy since he seems dissatisfied with such an avodah

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 18:37 #328509

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i have only one regret, that i dont have another life  7 karmas to give away for my country  (correct) opinions

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 18:49 #328510

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Just for the record, I have no real idea as to what's goin' on here.
It's all fine by me.
No issues with anythin'.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

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Re: Tryin' 18 Mar 2018 20:29 #328514

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now thats a sport!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: Tryin' 30 Mar 2018 02:52 #329117

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Fwd (from a different thread): I am sorry for interruptin'. I feel for you and for you all and for all of us.

I'm writin' this now, but I'm not sure I will hit submit when I'm finished. I'll see how it comes out.

I have been an addict for over 35 years, truly. B"H, I am sober now for over three years and have been in recovery for five. I'm still an addict, by the way.

I have met with therapists, specialists, 12 steps, meetings, other addicts, sponsors and more. Many times I was told that I should look at my childhood, and believe me it was rough; no motherly love at all, and no father around. I could have used that excuse for all my actin' out, and perhaps I did. 

I went to speeches, heard from rabbeim, and I even spoke myself at times about the dangers of internet, porn, etc. We are bad influences. We do not have the same concerns as others. I, as a father, do not protect my children in the same way that others do. Why? Because I have lost my sensitivity to kedushah. Is everyone like this? Probably not, but I know I am.

Does it hurt me when people say opinions, and they are wrong, or misguided? No. At times, they might even be right, but it is my warped perspective that doesn't allow me to think rationally. Do they understand addicts? Not a chance! Emunah solves everythin', they say. Truthfully, this site is also filled with people who claim that we should just learn more Torah, do another mitzvah, daven to Hashem, and all will be well. Is that accurate? I don't know. For me, it wasn't. I could act out with a gemora open, in the beis medrash, as I was shakin' a lulav; it made no difference.

But, to my point. What other people say makes no difference to me and my life, wrong or right. I needed/need to fix myself, and that is the task at hand. I understand we have feelings and they can't be avoided, but if we strive for recovery, it is up to us. I learned a lot of this in the 12 steps, and nothin' to do with lust. I need to stop judgin' people. I needed to stop bein' jealous and angry. Being upset at someone caused a direct and indirect reaction towards my lustful habits. Calmness and serenity is what I needed/need, and carin' what others said would not be helpful.

This is not somethin' that's learned overnight, and it's difficult. I still struggle with it, but for me, I know it's the key for recovery.

God speed to all of us, and may each of us find the tools necessary to live a day of recovery, and let's not let others get in our way.

And, yes, I decided to press the submit button.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

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Re: Tryin' 30 Mar 2018 04:59 #329125

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thank you for showing us what one can become in 5 years ,despite challenging circumstances-a bright light onto others- and thank you for showing respect to people with differing opinions ,what works for one doesnt always work for another ,suggestions can be made ,but ultimately its the person with the issue that has to decide whats best for him, a chag kosher vesameach!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: Tryin' 02 Apr 2018 03:21 #329166

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Have you cut the cord from bein' a moderater? I don't see your name at the bottom of every page anymore?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection
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