Hey guys... long time no see... i was going good B''H full of clean days, for more than 3 months i had never thought of acting out... But in the last week i acted out twice, the pressure just like built up so fast i couldn't even understand where i had gone wrong. Everything, all my fences and barriers collapsed and WHAM, it hit me.

But i want to encourage all of you who are reading this, that even though we fall, we rise up. We can't rise up unless we fall. And if we don't rise up, we are not Tzadikim. But we are, that's why we must rise up, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it takes us, the sacrifices, the tears, the pain and the hurt... It's a schrecklich bitter battle. And the one we are facing is hoping we don't realize how weak he is comparing him to the One who is in us. Baruch Hashem, we are more than conquerers.

I was reading an article here about not giving up which shows us how even the great Tzadikim have gone through even greater tests. I was thinking to myseslf in the most simple way "...man you should get back up again, that's what will make you a winner over the yetzer hara, B''H", that's what will make Tatty proud and happy, you should not give up." And then i heard a voice saying "Don't give up... don't give up". At first i got scared, but then i clicked on the winamp icon and saw that a new song had popped up. The song was "Don't give up". Filled my heart with goodness and mildness... This is what i needed. Isn't this we all need? To know that our Abba shebashamayim is here with us in our toughest times, holding our hand, showing us how much He loves us...

So keep on clinging to Hashem Elokeinu and never back down, nofelti kamti (when i fall i shall arise. Sheva yippol Tzadik vekum, seven times the righteous falls and gets up.

B'ahava...