Awesome!

Have a rockin' clean day !

I actually asked guard why it isn't in the ebooks section, and apparently, SA won't allow others to post it on their website.

I think it actually was on GYE years ago but SA made them take it down.

Ime feelin the heat today.

I feel this urge to lust and fantasize. I feel kind of blank, maybe its isolation. I don't know, I am trying to sit down and study for a test, and I am just going from one distraction to another (so far the good type like surfing aish website and whatnot), but I think I am still feeling shame and or disappointment for not being able to focus. That's where the familiarity of the drug lies. It is not attacking me with outright fantasies but it is lying there in the background and letting me know its there.

It hasn't grabbed me directly that I can ask Hashem to take it away from me, it is more subtle than that, which is why I feel like I cant let my guard down.

I'm confused. Why can't you ask Hashem to please take away the nagging thoughts?

maybe get up and get out, call a friend, do something different that is engaging. do some weight lifting .

I don't know how it is with other people, but sometimes with me I feel the urges surging in my body more than a direct fantasy. And then I feel like if I ask Hashem to take it away I will then end up thinking about it. Instead I try distracting myself so that the fantasy doesn't become overwhelming. Plus I am always afraid that if the fantasy becomes overwhelming that I will not want to ask Hashem to take it away, that's why we don't take the first drink, isn't it.

Thank g-d I made it through Shabbat.

maybethistime wrote:

It sounds like the stress trigger. Just a buildup of stress from something. I agree, get involved with something else. That is usually best.

Hatzlacha!

I hear it. It could be actual stress which I have never really allowed myself to feel because I always numbed it with the drug.

Do other people also have that experience. There is a lot of that type of stuff in the white book and also in the therapy I had, and to tell the truth I am not sure how much of it is real and how much of it is suggestion.

maybethistime wrote:

I know that you got over this but I thought that it might be helpful for others.

While porn is a huge problem it is really just one of the symptoms. I'm not gonna go all out and say it is a symptom of not living, I'll leave that for the better men then me . However, at the very least it is certainly a symptom of our lust addictions. Always remember, it isn't called a porn addiction rather a lust addiction. That is why guarding your eyes is so essential to recovery.

I also used to use my lust as a stress medication. When I finally found GYE's someone pointed out me that it actually increases stress. After that I did the math and realized he was right. Lusting doesn't make the sources of your stress go away and it just adds more, cleaning up, guilt, regret, more lost time, etc. So all cost, no reduced stress, and just an infinitesimal moment of pleasure... just sounds like a bad investment.

Hatzlacha and keep up the good work.

maybethistime wrote:


I certainly did. It didn't have to be huge, unsettling stress. Just the stress of having a project to tackle would send me off into fantasy land.

maybethistime wrote:

Absolutely! And as AlexEliezer points out it doesn't need to be anything major. Even stress from something you enjoy. For example I used to waiter in my Yeshiva on Shabbos, thoroughly enjoyed it, and then Motzei Shabbos be so stressed from all the work that I'd watch TV or movies and masturbate. See here for more on Motzei Shabbos activities .

I hear it.

I am feeling a little down, and I am at home where I usually slip.

In my room there is the house computer unfiltered.

pray for me.

You have the ability to stay clean even when at home. Just because it's there doesn't mean you need to access it. Find something else to do.

Hatzlacha!