I've been clean for over 60 days but I watch tv but I do try to be shomer ayniyim

Being a bochur looking to get married I have come to realize that occasionally when I'm out with a shidduch I get semi or temporarily fully aroused is this something to be worried about?
Is it related to my past?

Thanks

yasher koach on your sucess! presumably it has something to do with your past, but I would imagine it has more to do with how you view the women. I come from a past thats, well...BH I'm working on it. But I have also just started to date and I find that there is a very clear distinction between the way I think a girl I am lusting over and the way I think of a woman (I use the terms I do intentionally) that could very well be my wife. that is, do I view her as the means to my yetzer hara's end, or is she the person, the soul, whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with, to work and grow with and care about. those may look like the same thing in the moment, but they are by no means the same thing, and one will illicit an inappropriate response, and one will not. that being said, I dont think you are necessarily doing anything wrong, nor do I think you should or could blame yourself for such a reaction. I would suggest (the little experience I have) contemplating on why you are meeting with and with the person prior to and every so often during the date.
bhatzlacha!

Check this out:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/85311-Learning-to-Love-in-dating

I just started dating recently also and know the feeling and the guilt that follows it. I think that it is most likely due to our feeding our Y"H over all these years. However, I try not to worry about it to much because I most of the time it happens when I'm not thinking about the girl in an inappropriate manner. I picture as a reflex of sorts, one which I despise, hope to get rid of, and don't think is common in "normal" guys. But such is the lot in life which we brought upon ourselves over the years of succumbing to our Y"H.

One thing which I would recommend is make sure that you are thinking about the shidduch in the right manner, like tryingtobeme said. Especially when it happens double check that you are thinking clearly, and then change the "subject" in your mind and stop thinking about it.

Dating with this in our past (or not so past) is definitely a challenge.

Hatzlacha to us all, especially in finding our zivugim in the proper time!

It's very important to find a girl attractive before asking her to marry you, so being aroused during a date is a positive thing if anything. Don't let it worry you, it's normal, natural and important.

Of course, make sure you behave appropriately at all times, and make sure the girl has the personality you need as well as good middos.

Well said, Dr Watson. It's perfectly normal and after 60 days clean it is your present and not your past. You are on a date in order to get married and we all know that married couples have intercourse. It would be strange not to have an erection. Not for 3 hours straight but once or twice during a date.

Blind Beggar wrote:

Disagree.

I have to take Tehillimzugger's side. I'm a pretty strange guy, and bli ayin hara, that hasnt happened to me on a date, and I hope it wont...

Maybe I'm more strange than you guys. Maybe I haven't been on a shidduch date for over half a century and I can't remember.

Next time you broadcast my picture, I'll sue you!

MT

Dr.Watson wrote:


I don't know. I'm so sick I even get aroused by girls I'm not attracted to.

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about a little arousal here and there while out with a girl. We habitual masturbaters are very easily aroused.

Hatzlocha in finding your true and best bashert!

Alex
(sober 4+ years, married a lot longer)