I am doing the 90 day program, was clean for almost 40 days, and had a fall a couple of days ago. Some thoughts regarding the fall... I have been receiving and reading the regular chizuk emails. Sometimes the emails include chizuk that was given to someone who fell. These selections are always beautiful, expressing ideas such as the fact that a fall is an opportunity to get closer to Hashem, and in general a minimization of the severity of the fall in order to encourage the person to get back up and keep going. My problem is that when I read a few emails that highlight the fact that falling really isn't that bad, my addicted mind/the yetzer hara uses that line of thinking to justify acting out when I feel an urge, and this is what happened last night. Does anyone have any advice that can help me properly approach this dilemma? Is there a way to change this slightly subconscious line of thinking? Should I stop reading the chizuk emails? Intereseted to hear from the olam.

the fact that you are writing this means that you know those emails are not addressed to you. the ones about NOT falling are yours, the ones about falling are for people like me, and sometimes, G-d willing never again, you. make sense?

On GYE we don't focus so much on the aveira, because that doesn't help much in addictions. Instead, we need to realize that we are not BAD people getting GOOD, but rather SICK people who need to get WELL. So while this might seem like it's minimizing the aveirah, this should never be a reason to fall. Chazal say:
חמירא סכנתא מאיסורה
Sakana is more stringent than Issur.
We need to realize that this will destroy our lives and kill us, if we don't stay sober - just for today.
That's why on the chizuk e-mails we encourage people to get back up and not wallow in guilt. Because it's not ABOUT GUILT. It's about realizing how SICK we are and how DANGEROUS this is.

I hope that clarifies a bit.

Dear avodas.hakodesh (whatever your real name is, really),

First of all, congratulations on your 40 days clean! It's a great brocha that is rare for people who fall a lot. You are so fortunate! Hoping you see and know that and will not forget. Now about your dilemma:

If you see so clearly that it is just a mind trick, then you probably saw it then, too. So why'd you do it last night if you really knew that it was just a 'mind-trick'? And if you say you did not see it then but just see it now, then mimahnafshach what's your worry? Next time you will know not to make light of sinning just because of something you read somewhere, no?

My real point, be"H, is this:

If you have been falling pretty regularly but stayed clean for about 40 days which is very unusual for you, then it may be more likely that you fell not because of something you read somewhere, but simply because that is your habit. Looking elsewhere is not always wise. Habit is more powerful than your seichel, twists the seichel, and often the cheshboning we do to 'figure it out' is just hevel ur'ayon ruach.

Now, if it is not your habit to fall every few days or weeks, then it's something else. But what are the facts here, chaver? You can get that clear here first. It would help to see whats going on in a bigger picture.

A sick patient is prescribed antibiotics by the doctor. The doctor says ther patient will have to take these antibiotics for the rest of his life. The doctor also warns him that antibiotics may have side effects. The patient takes them regularly for a month. On the 40th day he vomits uncontrollable. Should he stop taking the antibiotics?

You went 40 days clean!!! That is amazing. Don't be surprised the Yetzah Hara used the emails to fail. Because he did that, you are confused. You don't know if the treatment is the treatment or if its the illness. Unless it happens again, don't worry about it.

If it happens again, you could try reading only the parts of the emails that are not about getting up from a fall.