i had a very bad bad day today...
But first let me tell you more about me so you can help me in the best way you can.

I am 24 and unmarried, although I AM dating.

I am able to stay away from bad 'stuff' for long periods of time. sometimes 2-3 months and sometimes only 2-3 weeks... depends on what im busy with and what im up to and how i feel.
I dont have many friends, as they all disappeared when i left yeshivah, and I have watched everyone my age get married and move on. so its a bit depressing...

I have a filter and my mother has the password.

yes, i told my mother about my problem and I thought she would be able to help me. It took courage and I was petrified but I wanted help.
She did help with the filter and all, but I dont think she understands it enough to get me help. she just says don't do it again....


I work in computers and I tried starting a freelance business but its not going well because I cannot get much work done cause my eyes started hurting from working on the computer too much. (i know what your thinking.... hurting because i did bad things with them...maybe)

I went to the Dr. who said they were fine and I just had to let my eyes rest. So now I am a bored lonely guy with no job. I keep trying to do things on the computer but my eyes hurt.
this causes me to get frustrated and wonder why this has happened and makes me depressed.
If I am being punished, well I have not watched in a long time? -until recently due to my boredom and slight sadness...

and then today I really fell.
i found a way around the filter. (i blocked it now, but its a bit too late for what happened...)
the irony is today out of boredom I randomly did a bad thing...and my eyes were fine the whole time...

what can I do to stop?
I have a filter.
ive told my mother!
i once told a close rabbi, who gave me a little chizzuk...thats all...great help...
I have a billion of unread chizzuk emails....sorry they are hard to remember to get to because I put them in a labeled folder so they dont clog up my inbox!
I have read some handbook here once... (theres like 50 of them by now...)


I went to a Dr once and he said he doesnt think im an addict. more like a bored person who needs to get out. He thought marriage would help. I know some will say it wont.
what can i do?

Hi,

It sounds like boredom and lonliness are the main problem. I'm not sure what to tell you specifically, but it sounds like you need to solve those problems. Do you have any hobbies? Do you exercise?

yes and yes.

but today was an off day from the gym....
hobbies? all involve the computer! well actually i was writing a novel by hand.
I have not written it in ages. I planned on getting back into it today! then this happened....


I think i need to somehow gain an incentive to stop.
i have come to this website before. asked for help. got some and continued to grow... then I stop coming because in truth i feel uncomfortable to be here...
and coming here reminds me that im.. I'm tainted...

another problem is that i cant stop masterbating... I have been doing that since -for a long time.
this sometimes leads me to want more...

Well if you came here before, and it was helping then...

it helped because it became constantly on my mind, but it was uncomfortable to have it on my mind.
I stopped coming here and it all went away and i stopped for 90+ days!
I htought it and this website were all in the past
and then i fell...again..