Please help. I legit am feeling a physical tension overcome my whole body. It's as if my whole being wants to split into two with one falling and one rising. I don't know how long I can overcome this. Plz help. I can't deal with this and am in utter despair. I have become a slave to the yetzer hara and I need freedom

welcome!
You came to a good place to help yourself.
take a deep breath and compose yourself. if you are inside feeling chained to a computer why not go outside, stretch and walk for a bit?
Can you talk a little bit more about what your challenges are? (anonymously of course)
People here share similar problems, each in their own way. Is it porn, masturbation or something else?
Read the Handbook, it is full of good ideas and advice.
Stick around here, there are lots of wonderful people and resources to help you help yourself.
wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

I'm struggling myself. And just joined this forum. But I can say that the very fact that you had the courage to post this, is a very good sign. You (and me) are not alone. And if you have truly have will to stop, Hashem will help you in your struggle.

Welcome AHPH and YZ!

I relate to your struggle. I lived it for over 30 years.
As long as I was lusting -- soaking in images of women and fantasizing and visualizing all kinds of things -- my body and my mind was enslaved to this yetzer.

When I came here four years ago I discovered that I wasn't really such a rasha and monster baal taiva, but rather I had become addicted to lust. This knowledge was a game changer. I knew what I would need to do to end the cycle. You know, the endless cycle of lusting, craving, lusting, craving, tension, fighting, increased tension, fighting harder, giving in and masturbating, feeling relief but instant guilt, staying good for a few days, lusting...

I understood that there was one easiest place to break the cycle -- lusting. From that point on, lust became poison. That meant I couldn't look at women or think about them. Looking was my part, I simply learned to aggressively avert or close my eyes whenever candy was near. For the thoughts (and there were plenty), I learned that my only hope was to verbally surrender them to Hashem and ask for his intervention. Repeatedly.

Yeah it's hard. But it's no harder than what you're going through right now. And this way, sobriety, is much more rewarding. And it does get easier, especially if you're honestly cutting off the drug.

Far into sobriety, I learned that it is important to replace my habit with new healthy habits, like talking to real people face to face, learning, exercising -- generally enjoying life. Truth is, I was already learning and exercising, so I just have to learn how to be a friend.

So there you have it! Don't lust, live!

"so there you have it! Don't lust, live"
I love it!! so simple!! and that's all we need!! it just takes a few pointers to get us in the right direction, since a lot of us have wither forgotten what "living" means, or never knew in the first place.
Stick around and you'll find you're way, if you really want to!!
Hatzlacha!!

When i was living a double life it got to a point where i felt i was "splitting into two".

Fortunately today i am able to share honestly with other people about my struggles. I do this face to face, and i speak regularly on the phone.

The more i share with others, the less i am living a double life, and i start to feel in sync with myself.

Welcome! This boat always has room for more passengers... But don't just sit up on deck and sunbathe. There is no rest on this boat, so get to work! There is a lot to learn and do here.

I suggest trying to post every day. If you have nothing to say, just make a post saying that.