good thing we not monkeys...imagine if we'd have "four" hands

you menshiee rocks!!

does he oynk??

He eats mushrooms?!

Try popcorn

.....wait a sec, is it a "he??" Guard!?

I understand you a lot and am sorry you are feeling this pain.something i have learned is "feelings are real". accept any feeling you have and try to be ok with it and keep telling yourself it will pass. "there are 2 things we get from recovery. one is good and one is bad. the good thing we get is our feelings back the bad thing we get is our feelings back". the longer we stay clean the harder it is to run away from our feelings. But the longer we stay clean the more tools we pick up for dealing with them. for me, it is ok to tell hashem "today i am not feeling it, i am sorry i cant give my all, i know you love me and i love you, please understand that i am in a hard place". when i speak honestly with him i am speaking honestly with myself and peace comes faster then fighting it.

I also try waking up before you would reg wake and starting the day with peace and even writing down a few things that make you happy. they don't have to be great things, it could be "this tree in front of me, the apple i am eating..." by looking at some good things in front of me has helped me remove some sadness for some time.

i hope it gets better, it is very hard to be at peace.

Its amazing, the more we detach ourselves from porn we become real. Suddenly we come to realise that there REAL feelings and emotions exist beneath all the dirt. A true pleasure.

On the same note I read, that to overcome oneself, the first step is to accept the truth. For example: If I get angry - its common to say "I'm not gonna get mad I'm not getting mad.. " This is a distortion of the truth!
The correct response should be "I'm mad, Please help me Hashem to over come this feeling" Only by accepting the truth, there is hope for improvement.

Avrom wrote:


Before coming into recovery there were only three emotions that i felt: guilt, lust and numb.

And this was a cycle that kept repeating itself.

what? i have my OWN forum? how come no one told me?

on a more serious note, been some roller-coastering lately. i moved to yerushalayim and for the first time in YEARS am not in a yeshiva. my rabbis and i feel that this (i.e. having to take responsibility for myself, paying rent etc.) is the best thing for me at this time in my life. i have some growing up to do and yeshiva was an escape for me. unfortunately there have been some slips and falls involved in the transition process (cut me some slack, there are EMOTIONS involved) the most recent one was this past tuesday. the Abishter gave me a huge bracha and i didnt go into my depressed-feeling sorry for myself-there is nothing good in my life-im a horrible piece of bad word removed place (okay maybe a little) there is so much bracha in my life. i mean, im living in yerushalayim!!! i have O.I.N.K.! there are people on this forum with the courage to be honest (ahem skeptical, lizhensk, ahem) which helps me chip at this insane diseased NEED that i have to not admit to making a mistake.
step by step, together let's....... ROCK THIS THING CALLED LIFE!
love you all
avi/grandpa

was lying in bed last night and couldnt fall asleep. tossing and turning. i started feeling like i HAVE to fall. its going to happen. then i started thinking about being powerless. as Dov points out its not about fighting. its about NOT fighting. so i told the Abishter that im giving the fight to Him. im gonna do my best but its His game. and i fell asleep without falling

nice, now you can really stick out "your" tongue at him (YH)

that's great work
wow
using the master's tools!
And being successful

onward!

You go Avi! Inspiring!

NICE!

was at a meeting today where a guy celebrated 25 years(!) of sobriety. some of the points he mentioned:
1. action. as a people who learn gemmarah we tend to spend a lot of time darshening stuff. he said that darshening the big book never got him very far.
2. honesty
3. gratitude. he repeatedly stressed the importance of this. he gave Hashem the credit for everything good that happens and took the blame on himself for everything bad that happens. EVERYTHING. he said we are all off the hook and no longer need to beat ourselves up because its all his fault.
he said over a story that Rav Twerski told him about relapse.
Rav Twerski had to go to the post office and it was icy outside. at one point Rabbi Twerski slipped and fell. he got up and kept on going more carefully. his point was that he didnt go backwards and didnt lose the forward progress he had made


on a more personal note, its been challenging for me to be in the moment. my thoughts and emotions fly all over the place. especially in the past few years i isolated quite a lot. now that im back in yerushalayim i need to get out more. having the OINKers is amazing. i also started going to some 12 step meetings again for some non-lust problems that i have. its a rough road and some days are harder than others. but im breathing right now so that means that Hashem, my loving caring Tatte, feels that seder hishtalshelus cannot exist right now without me in it.
an amazing share that i heard recently
"i have to ask myself, is the G-d that i believe in one that i feel has my best interests in mind? cause if i dont think so, how can i expect myself to have a relationship with Him?"
The Abishter runs the world
The Abishter loves me
something Dov pointed out. "throughout the day there are thousands of ways that Hashem expresses His care and concern for us. Everything that happens is from Him"

Thank you chevra for being here, for allowing me the opportunity to start to come out of my shell and to start to get to know myself.

nitzotzeloki wrote:

shell??? Are you really a turtle just disguised as a monkey

what!?!? youve never heard of turtle monkeys?!?!?

so heres something that worked for me. i want to experiment to see if it works for others. so if G-d forbid someone is in a 'zone', but not the good kind, find a toilet and scrub it till you can eat off it ( .......... dont actually eat off it) when its nice and clean things should be better. if this works for anyone feel free to let me know